Ahem.
- The polls open at 7AM. Even if Mr. Hapless Voter was unaware of this time, walking into the polling place at 6:10 AM with eight poll workers scurrying about in utter chaos, with voting machines locked up behind red seals and asking Are ya'll open?, we were justified in giving him eight eat shit and die because we haven't had our coffee yet looks.
- Neither the Ty-man nor myself can stand our Georgia House Representative. I voted for her Democratic opponent. Ty-man couldn't bring himself to vote for a Democrat, so he wrote in my name. Yes, my fellow Americans, a vote for me is a vote for apathy. Vote for Heather!
- Dear Oblivious Voter: If you walk in to our polling place and walk past THREE signs asking you to turn off your cell phone before entering the voting area and then your cell phone rings (loudly) while I'm handing you your ballot card and then I ask you nicely to please shut it off and then you smart-assedly reply Oh, fine, and I'll just hang up on them while I'm at it, I am TOTALLY justified in shoving said ballot card up your nose. Sideways.
- Being in a total news-vacuum the entire day was refreshing. I hate that election day has become the "Super Bowl" of network news. I liked not knowing who was ahead of whom.
- Dear little 20-something airhead: Yeah, you deserved "Story Time with Heather." You showed up an hour before closing at my precinct, not yours. Then, you rolled your eyes at me while I directed you to the correct precinct just two streets over (Oh, please. You could totally get there and vote by 7. Yes you could! Don't look at me in that tone of voice!). Like it was my fault that you didn't double-check with the elections office to make sure where you needed to vote. For your lack of planning and being an eye-roller, I hope you enjoyed me telling you the story of Election 2000, an election I voted in while your 10-year-old brain was too busy salivating for N*Sync. Yeah, I drove an hour in order to make it to Cumming, because I hadn't sent in my new address, all so I could vote for the presidential candidate of my choice, with nary an Oh. My. GAWD. Uphill. In the snow. Both ways. Danged whippersnappers.
- To the guy who was our precinct's 1,000th voter? And got excited about it? And got even more excited when I gave him a sugar-free grape Lifesaver because of said status as the 1,000th voter? You made my damned day, dude.
- To the total asshole who walked into our precinct, verbally abused all eight of us poll workers with your snide and rude comments, scared your fellow voters, VOTED (yes, you voted), and then proceeded to ILLEGALLY take pictures inside the polling place because having the voting machines inside a church violated your civil rights? Fuck. Off. First off, you had a month to drag your ugly butt down to the secular library to participate in early voting. Not only that, but you taking pictures of people actively voting at the machines violated a Georgia state law and yes, I would, if I had to do it all over again, grab your arm again. Except this time I would put you in a headlock and detain you until the police arrived so I could show them the evidence on your phone. But your chickenshit ass squirmed away from my weak elbow death-grip, shouted to everyone within earshot "She touched me!!!!" and ran like the worthless douchebag you were. Next time you come in with that attitude and proceed to break state law? I'll do more than violate your civil rights. Don't cross a cross poll worker. More specifically, don't cross me.
- This election cycle, I voted Libertarian/non-incumbent. It was so danged refreshing that I smiled as I turned in my ballot card. I might have skipped, too.
10 comments:
I don't like it when you have a life. It makes your blog posts more interesting and we miss you in the comment forums.
Although for real fun in politics, you should try guarding a federal courthouse on the anniversary of Roe v. Wade. A friend told me about his day. The protesters pick a courthouse, truck in out of state activists, and spend the day waving signs, shouting, throwing things, taking photos of the security setup and trying to breach security to get inside past the metal detectors. I recommended shooting blindly into the crowd, but they're taught not to engage because it would look bad on TV.
Dude, I thought everyone in suburbia was blissful and compliant! What the hell?
I bet we voted for all the same folks (except I had to vote with my profession in the Governor's race)!
you really, really make me happy. i just love that you work the polls, that you care so much.
for the record, i voted in a church and had absolutely no problem with that. i've also voted in schools and, no shit, some dude's HUGE basement. so yeah, i'll vote anywhere so long as i get to vote.
even though in one race the other day i voted for my coworker. ok, that is a lie. i voted for him in two different races. he would be wonderful in either position!
may i please have a grape lifesaver?
You are truly a saint for working an election.
My mom is in charge of elections in our home town as part of her Town Clerk job the last 35 years.
I would bitch slap someone.
6 months? I don't think so. I saw 2012 stuff this morning on the TV playing (muted) at the place I stopped for breakfast. I think they were showing the "10 Most Promising Republicans for the 2012 Presidential Race" or something like that. It was FOX, btw. The CNN TVs were out of my line of sight, but I didn't notice any 2012 coverage when I walked by.
I early voted a couple of weeks ago and it was completely uneventful.
I voted libertarian here, too! Woohoo!
So - how do I sign up to kick some people's asses at the polls?
Here in Youbetchastan, we had the choice between a truly frightening Tea-Baggin' Horror Show with ethics that would make Al Capone look like a saint, a write-in (incumbent) who slacked off instead of campaigning for the primary election... and a completely unknown mayor of a town of approximately 20 people. Democrat, or at least his moustache is.
I tell ya, it was not a good year to be a voter in Alaska. But it pretty much NEVER is, these days.
I feel your pain. I voted early, quietly and miserably. Now I sit back and wait for the division of elections to spend millions of dollars to determine and rubber-stamp the election results. Nailbiter, this.
1,000th voter? I dont even think Wv has a precinct with 1000 people in it lol. When i went in, it was rather dead, though some poll worker did confuse me as being a hunter and not a coal miner. (do hunters wear black sulphur-smelling make-up with reflective stripes these days?) idk lol.
Wow...you must live in the most exciting place ev-ah! ; )
I actually used to think it would be sort of fun to work the polls, but after this story? Perhaps not.
I hate elections.. but I'll give a funny short story.
New guy here, Rutesh, his sister told him he had to vote between 7 and 8.
He assumed 7pm-8pm. And was waiting to go vote.
A bunch of us were going at lunch and invited him.
He told us he could only go between 7 -8pm cause that's what his sister told him.
After we picked our asses up from rolling on the floor laughing at him we explained it was 7AM -8pm..... not pm-pm...
Yeah, he'll never live that one down.
Was worth voting for. :)
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