18 September 2007

Bad, bad...bad day. Bad Day.

Today was one of those days that I wish I could erase from memory. Nothing bad happened to put me in such a rotten mood. All family and friends are hale and hearty, the kids are great, the house is standing, Stephen Hawking and Sean Connery are still alive and kicking, so all is in order. All, that is, except me.

I woke up under a black cloud. You know it's going to be bad when you wake up tired. As I nursed J-man, all I could think was, "I can't believe I have to do this all over again. It never ends, just endlessly repeats, ad infinitum."

When I'm in these bad, black moods, I throw lotion bottles, don't smile much, chuck Diaper Genie diaper bags down stairs, fuss at the kids for tiny infractions, and don't talk except for said fussing. I feel horrible for being like this. On my great days when I love being a mother, I think to myself, This is so easy, I can overcome any bad mood that hits. Then, the bad mood hits and no matter how I try to talk myself out of it, I'm in it for keeps. Or, until I go to bed and wake up the next morning.

So, that being said, I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to sleep this off and wake up tomorrow much happier. I'll talk to Bubba and Miss-Miss rather than fuss. I'll smile and interact with J-man. I'll gently place the lotion bottle on the counter rather than chuck it across the room in frustration. I'll kiss my husband as soon as he walks in the door instead of complain about my day. I'll be a better person. At least, until the next bad day comes along. Then, I'll ride out just like today. Sigh.

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