12 November 2007

3 Prescription Motrins, 1 Oxycodone, and 1 Bag of Frozen Peas Later...

I'm ready to kill. Seriously. Physical pain can be a cause of serial murder. Especially extreme pain in the female mammary glands. I wonder how many women have killed while having their period or while weaning a baby off the you-know-whats. Why not just use the "b" word? Because then some sicko performing a pornographic Google search of some sort will find my site and click on the link thinking he's in for some great nudity and instead find an entry regarding a murderous, engorged mommy blogger.

See, J-man nursed for the last time on Saturday morning. Yesterday (Sunday) dawned and I felt fine. But, as the day progressed, the twins (and I'm not talkin' about Bubba and Miss-Miss) began to itch. Literally. You know how a cut that is healing will itch. Same concept. The udders are filling up with milk that's not being used, causing my non-nursing A-cups, nursing solid B- somewhat C-cups, to become very large, painful D-cups. Lots of uncomfortable skin-stretching going on. Yeah, today has dawned and I'm breaking out the 6-month-old postpartum prescription pain killers.

Today was J-man's second attempt at eating watery rice cereal. Of course, he's not sitting up all that well, so I lounge him in his baby papa-san on top of the kitchen table. Where does this put his piston-like legs and feet? That's right, in perfect position to kick the bejeezus out of my horribly engorged ta-tas. Joy. After getting the snot kicked out of me, Ty-man arrived in the kitchen to say good-morning. My response? "I HATE TEACHING BABIES HOW TO EAT SOLID FOOD!" Then, I promptly stomped upstairs to finish off J-man with a bottle.

Later, when I had calmed down, I explained to Ty-man what had happened and told him it was the equivalent of putting the papa-san at groin level and seeing how long he could feed J-man in that position. Understanding dawned on his face.

Later, after lunch, I herded Miss-Miss and Bubba upstairs to begin their naps. As I lifted Miss-Miss to put her in her crib, she inadvertently kneed me in the left hooter and the wind was promptly knocked out of me. I couldn't even move. I somehow managed to get her in her bed (without chucking her out the window), mumbled a "Have a good nap!" and backed out the door, into the hall where I promptly fell to the floor and whimpered.

When this 800mg Motrin wears off, I'm takin' an oxycodone... and a Cosmo. Wake me up when it's 2023 and they start college!


Jen said...

Yikes, that has to suck! Miss Miss and Bubba have to be two of the cutest blogger fake baby names I've heard yet! My son had colic for the first four months so the thought of chucking out the window (as much as I hate to admit it) occurred to me way too many times.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

Okay, I just left a big, long, thoughtful comment that totally got messed up and disappeared. Let's just say I am super sorry, and I hope it gets better for you soon!! Hugs, M.

B said...

I love your reference to the "b's" as the "twins". I forgot your NC-17 rating on your blog. You're right, if you'd used the "b" word, you probably would have some psycho pervert horning (can I say that word here?) in on your forum! lol
Hey, where in GA do you live? My sis-in-law lives in Sharpsburg, and I'm thinking about going there next June for the National Tea Expo that will be in Atlanta.
Okay, hope the "twins" feel better soon!

Unknown said...

Oh. My. God. Would you just quit-yer-bitchin?!?!

;-) I kid. I kid. Sorry the bewbies hurt. But look at it this way, now that you're weaning J-man, it's time to party down. Can you say, "cosmotolotan?"

Anonymous said...

After weaning my first, I remember being mad because no one prepared me for the pain and hormone-induced emotional roller coaster ride that takes place after stopping. I felt well prepared with the starting part...just not finishing.
The second time around, although prepared with first-hand experience, I remember saying to myself (and anyone who cared about the well being of "the girls"), Wow! I forgot how much this really sucks!
Good luck! It'll pass soon.