23 June 2008

Can't Make Up My Mind

Why I can't wait for my kids to grow up:

- My house is constantly trashed.
- My kitchen floor is coated with dribbled, spilled food.
- I'm getting tired of the whining and crying.
- It's so damned difficult reasoning with a kid.
- The Disney movies are getting old.
- When they're grown, they can do their own laundry.
- I wish my house was my house again. The noise! The Cheerios everywhere!
- I wish my time was my time again, to do the things I enjoy.
- Personal space? What's that?
- I would like to shower before 1PM every day.

Why I wish they could stay young forever:

- My house will constantly be trashed with Gameboys, athletic equipment, muddy shoes...
- My carpets with scuffy sneaker tracks? Anyone?
- I'll be so over the teen-age whining and crying.
- Reasoning with a teen-ager is impossible.
- I'll miss the Disney movies.
- I'll just be doing more laundry every weekend when they get home from school.
- My house will be an empty house.
- I'll have to pick up more hobbies because I'll have more time.
- Gee. I'll be clean everyday by 7AM. Where's the fun in that?
- I'll miss the unsolicited hugs, kisses, and sweet words.

I look at these pros and cons for getting them grown or keeping them here and I think, "GAD! I'm so shallow! When did I get to be so shallow? I thought motherhood would mature me and make me think of others before thinking of myself?" I guess not.

There are days I want them grown and gone. Those are the days when I've dealt with poo and crying and fussing and the trashed house just one time too many. Those are the days when I'm exhausted and done with the repetitiveness of it all. Those are the days I want to smack those old, senile idiots at the mall who say, "Enjoy it while you can! They grow up too fast!" and lock them in a room with Bubba who constantly repeats "Mama, where my Mack go?"

Then, there are the days when Miss-Miss hugs me out of the blue, when Bubba says "I love you, Mama." for no reason at all, when J-man smiles and giggles and stomps around with the cutest feet I've ever seen. These are days I wish I could pause time and keep them young forever, wearing their 2T kid clothes, cute bows, Stride Rite sandals, kissing their stuffed animals, with worry lines from wondering when they'll watch The Aristocats again. No girlfriends, no boyfriends, no bullies, no peer pressure, no war, no death, no hate, none of that. Just pure, innocent childhood.

On the days when I wish for time to speed up, for the kids to be grown and gone, I feel so guilty and ashamed. On the days I wish for them to be this size forever, those are the days I hang on to, to keep me grounded when all I wish for is the future to be now.


HEATHER said...

I have these same thoughts and feelings and my little man is only four!!! I still want him to be size 2T and a sweet little love bug! This motherhood business "AIN'T FOR SISSIES!!"
The gang looks so squeezeable and cuddly in the picture!!

Anonymous said...

First of all, thanks a lot for stealing yet another post from me. I laughed, I cried, laughed some more.

Then, as I'm reading along, I became irate and said out loud to no one "How can this monster let her kids watch "The Aristocrats?" I'm calling DFACS.


Molly's Mom said...

They are ADORABLE. And I can soooo agree with your points, but I'm up for adding one more: I want to sleep longer! Mine woke me this morning at five.forty.five. I mean, is sleeping until 7 too much to ask?!? I only take comfort in the fact that at least I'm home for the summer, but still!

Unknown said...

There are days when I wish for your kids to be grown and gone too and I don't feel guilty and ashamed, so neither should you. ;-)

RiverPoet said...

Heather, all of this is absolutely normal. The good news is that each age is difficult and wonderful, comes with challenges and rewards. There's a whole lot of time between babyhood and college that you will get to enjoy (without Disney movies or snot bubbles).

Rest assured, you're just having a Mommy moment.

Peace - D

Miss Britt said...

We ALL have those days babe. Both kinds.

Expat No. 3699 said...

Even though there are times you're looking forward to them being grown and out of the house...please know that they sometimes come back...more than once. I am finally an 'empty nester' after almost twenty nine years.


P.S. Your kids are real cuties!

Not Afraid to Use It said...

Dude. You get to shower every day? That in itself is amazing. But I hear you on every single point. Hugs.

Ok, Where Was I? said...

I wish I could rent a 2T when mine are older. Have fun with him, watch him do cute stuff with his little dimply fingers, and then return him when he gets cranky. Cute kids!

Anonymous said...

I really don't want to be the one to burst your bubble for future plans.

BUT after they turn 18? Yup. Same stuff.

Just as Linda said, they come back, more than once.

You never, ever stop being a parent. My oldest is 38. My youngest is 22 (still living at home when not at college). Somewhere in between is my 25 year-old.

My son still calls me for advice. I am his "go to" person when he needs someone to straighten him out.

My middle daughter was on her own by the time she was 18. But she quickly found out how much easier it was when Mom and Dad were around to bail her out before she had a chance to mess things up.

And my baby girl? She's 22 and decided to take a year off from school. Which we okayed because, well, she needed us.

Sleepless nights worrying? Yup got it.

Messes in the kitchen after a certain someone makes lunch? Yup, got that too.

Arguments (aka constructive debates). Oh yeah, add that to the list.

But, they're my kids. When they're 60 years old they'll still be my kids.

The only thing that makes the rest of it go away is the fact that no matter what we are a family and we all love each other.

That's the one thing that never changes and I'm very happy about that.

Liz Hill said...

This is why we love puggies;-)

Hang in there sugar -HUGS-

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Other Heather - You're right. No sissies allowed!

Functionally ReTodded - Yeah, I'm all about the blog idea theft. HA! Aristocrats. They also watch Scarface on a regular basis.

Molly's Mom - Dude. 5:45? Ambien, anyone?

Teri - Hee hee! Thanks, hon!

Momma - Thanks, Momma. I needed that.

Britt - Yeah. I just feel so guilty about having them. Like I'm Wonder Woman or something. Don't I wish.

Linda~ - It's like Poltergeist! "Mommy! They're baaaaaAAAck!"

NATUI - Hugging back.

OK, Where Was I? - I think that's called a "grandchild." And we have to wait at least 20 years for one of those. Dang.

Mattie - Dude. Bubble busted. But, I think I knew that already. Thanks for commenting!

Turnbaby - I wonder if I can trade them for pugs? What do you think?

Donna said...

gawd, it's nice to know I'm not alone!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Donna - Dude, you're not. :)

Vonda said...

Hey sweet thing...being a Mama is tough but you're right...when those youngins put their arms around your neck and hug you, everything seems alright with the world. Great pix of your beautiful children. We miss y'all! Love ya!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Vonda - Miss you, too. So very much!