30 June 2008

Potty Training Hell

So, we took the plunge this past weekend and began potty training the twins.

Oh. My. God.

The current score is as follows:

Miss-Miss accidents - 5
Bubba accidents - 4
Successful potty uses involving pee - 11
Successful potty uses involving poop - 1 (Go Miss-Miss!)
Poops in the bathtub - 1 (Go Miss-Miss!)

The twins walked around half-naked all day Saturday and most of the day Sunday. Anyone who peeked through our windows or stopped by would have immediately reported us for child pornography. We thought that having the pee dribble down their legs would be incentive enough for them to utilize that dormant sphincter muscle and haul two-year-old asses to the potty.

Um, no.

It turns out that the distance to Hell and back is the distance from the playroom to the half-bath and Hell, it seems, is not paved with good intentions but with pee dribbles. Obviously, my children are comfortable walking around with wet undies, shorts, and socks; they feel that it's OK to function on a daily basis with pee running down their legs. What does that say about me as a parent? I don't think I want to know.

I found myself telling Miss-Miss, Sweetie see these pretty panties? That's Belle, isn't it? Do you want Belle to get all wet from pee-pee or dirty from poop? No? Well, let's put these panties on and when you have to go pee-pee or poopy, let's go potty because Miss Belle doesn't want to be dirty or wet. OK?

Blank stares. Substitute handsome undies for pretty panties and firetrucks for Belle and you have my conversation with Bubba. Again, blank stares.

Do I feel like a parenting failure because my sweet, adorable children are pissing on my furniture and carpet? Yes.

After just 48 hours, am I completely over all aspects potty training: sitting in the bathroom, watching them like a hawk for any signs of leg-crossing or squatting, and bringing up the elimination of bodily waste in every. single. conversation? Yes.

Am I going crazy because I'm realizing that potty training is going to be an ongoing process for the next four years? Yes.

Do I feel like giving up and hiring someone to do this for me for the next four years? Yes.

Did I cry when I realized Ty-man would beat me senseless if he found out I hired said someone to do this for us? No, but I certainly felt like it.

I would post a picture for you of Bubba, Miss-Miss, and me, all crammed into the main floor half-bath, one kid on the potty chair under the sink, the other on the toilet, and me on the floor, barely enough room to breath much less potty train twins, but I realized that if I posted said picture some ass-hat would turn me in for the above-mentioned child pornography charges. So I instead leave you with a Japanese potty training video that left me coughing and sputtering because I laughed so hard that I swallowed my own spit.



HEATHER said...

Heather, if they didn't make the mental connection, you may want to wait another month.
The absolute best time to get them to potty is when they first open their eyes.
From what I have been told by my elders and I know from experience with my Paddy is that little boys take longer to grasp the idea than little girls. Paddy did not fully grasp things until he was about three and a half.
With Paddy he fully grasped peeing in the potty but poops took longer. Maybe just focus on peeing for now and go with pull-ups. You know what is going to work for you, and since you are doing all of the work, do what won't overwhelm you. If Miss-Miss had the most success, concentrate on her training and hope that Bubba will develop a competitive nature and want to follow along.
It is so hard being a stay at home mom to one toddler, I can't imagine three. So often I felt like I was stranded on a desserted island with a hyper little terrorist by myself with no help on the horizon!
Don't get discouraged, it will get better! ((( HUGS )))

Anonymous said...

I've got some time before this particular circle of hell. But when we get there I must have that video - pure brilliance.

"Shimajiro, let's go for it, together!"

Thanks for that, I needed a belly laugh this afternoon.

Bucky said...

My daughter is 22 mos. and she recently started potty training herself. Yes, you heard me correctly. One evening she simply went to the bathroom and door and said "poop, pot-pot".

I sat her on the commode and she peed like a champ. That was about 2 weeks ago, and since then she pees in the commode about 5 times everyday. (She still goes in her diaper also). She has only pooped in the potty 2 times.

But I couldn't ask for more. She's basically training herself. :)

The wife is scheduled to be induced into labor on Thursday July 3rd. This will be our second child. From what I have heard, the potty training will probably regress, (because of the new baby) and we will have to start all over in a few months.

RiverPoet said...

I'm sure you're going to get lots of good parenting advice here, and mine is a little outdated (though it worked with mine). I didn't put mine in training pants until they actually started making the connection (after a couple of weeks). It was less stressful for me and a lot less clean-up. During those early days, I would put them on the potty at least once an hour. I would take them first thing in the morning, after each meal, and whenever I had to go. Eventually they made the connection and were proud of each "movement!"

My daughter? Trained at 18 months. My son? Three years. He seemed to always be on his own internal time clock.

There is a woman who was on the Today Show some time back who claimed she could potty-train a child in a day. I don't believe it, but I suppose you could look for her method online.

Good luck, sweetie! And oh. I don't want to sit on your couch anytime soon! ;-)

Peace - D

Donna said...

I had a friend who had her first daughter trained at 18 months, her second daughter wasn't so easy.

My son, as I'm sure you're well aware of, has been rebelling as much as possible. I have so many people tell me that when he understands it he'll go. HA! He gets it, he just refuses. Partly, I think, because he just doesn't want to take the time out from playing and partly because he just refuses. And? he doesn't care if piss is running down his leg either.
I read somewhere that if your kids goes to the bathroom completely on his own you can consider him trained. I don't buy it. My son has without prompting, padded to the bathroom, lifted the lid/seat, peed, put down lid/seat, washed and dried hands, then commenced playing on several occasions - just the other day, in fact.
Um, we're back to demanding he pee in the potty because he's decided he's not in the mood today.

Oh, and the grunting at the end of that flick was hilarious!!

Good luck, I'm going to shut up now ...

Anonymous said...

First thing in the morning and immediately after a nap is an absolute must!

15-20 minutes after a drink is a good time to try. Also, any time you or they walk past the bathroom. Time consuming? Yes. They will catch on soon enough. I have potty-trained 15 kids over 25 years. Trust me.

Anonymous said...

If there is one thing that parenthood has taught me...it's the fact that you cannot make another human being pee or poop on the potty if they don't want to. You just can't.

That being said, you can guide, encourage and BRIBE them to be motivated to want to.

I'm there with BamBam right now too. He's almost three and is starting to want to, some days.

Molly's Mom said...


Potty training? Not so much. It totally sucks. Mine would probably be wearing adult diapers at this point if daycare hadn't pushed the issue a bit. Actually, I think she got more motivation there b/c when she was wearing "big girl" undies, she got to help with snack, which apparently is a big deal. She was day time trained in February, just after she turned 3. It's only been in the last few weeks that we've been letting her go without a pull-up at night. Don't sweat it too much, and don't let parental pressure get to you!

Anonymous said...

Potty training totally sucked - especially that first day. I'd urge you NOT to give up and just carry on. You don't want to have to do that first day again.

I had my kiddo wear underwear and pants ... it soaked up most the stuff so it wasn't getting everywhere. When he peed, I'd have him feel himself and say he was wet and we want to be dry.

We watched Elmo's Potty Time like five times a day.

Also, I put a rubber-backed mat (like you use in the kitchen or bath) on all his favorite spots (his little chair, where he eats, on the couch). This also kept pee off MY furniture :)

Just things that helped me - each kid and parent finds there own things that help.

Hang in there!

Vonda said...

Okay girl...I have absolutely NO tips for you because I have never done this potty training thing, but I am sure in about a year I will be looking to YOU for advice for my 2 girls. Good luck...I am sure Miss Miss and Bubba will get it before graduating from high school. :)

Ok, Where Was I? said...

Ha, ha. We're doing the same. Today I my dog ate my kid's poop off the sidewalk. He'll run around naked the entire summer and probably until it gets cold. Luckily we live in the country.

Expat No. 3699 said...

It's been over two decades since I dealt with potty training. I do remember that it's a lot easier, on everyone, if you wait until they're ready. If one is ready before the other, that's okay.

And yes, my kids also ran around the house with no pants. Less laundry is always good.


Miss Britt said...

Oh honey I am so sorry. My parenting tips SUCK!!! :-(

Not Afraid to Use It said...

Just sending you love, hon.

Gypsy said...

I take it you can't just swat them on the nose with a rolled up newspaper, huh? Damn. ;)

Gypsy said...

Saw this and thought of you. :)

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Other Heather - I wish I could, but they start Montessori pre-school on Aug. 11 and they need to be daytime potty trained. ARGH! But, we are making progress. Thank God.

Chris in Happy Valley - I just loved the "Piss! Piss!" part. Bwha-ha-ha!

Bucky - OK. Seriously. I may just have to drive up there and hit you. :) Congrats on the newest little one!

Momma - Miss-Miss is figuring it out really well. Bubba? Still a bit behind but making good progress!

Donna - I've heard boys are like that, that they don't want to interrupt their play-time to go to the bathroom. Grrrr.

MetalMom - Yeah, we've got morning and post-nap covered as well as after meals and snacks. Thanks for the advice!

MommyCosm - Very true. They'll go when they want to, although bribing them with Little Bear has been successful.

Molly's Mom - That's what's pushing me. Montessori pre-school.

M - Thanks for the advice, hon!

Vonda - And hon, I'll be there for you when Ella Rose goes through it!

OK, Where Was I? - HA! Can I borrow your dog?

Employee # 3699 - I would love to wait until he's ready, but I can't. But, we'll make it through!

Britt - NO MA'AM! You're tips don't suck! My friend Jennifer had the same success. I think it's just difficult with twins! Miss-Miss has the hang of it. Bubba will get it soon, I'm sure.

NATUI - Thanks, sweetie.

Gypsy - HA! LMFAO! Love it! And I love the cartoon!

Anonymous said...

I laughed so hard I think I peed a little...

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Gary LaPointe - I hope you peed on the potty, young man!