16 July 2008

I'm Not Just a Mom...

... I'm also the following:

Psychologist -
Yes, honey, I know J-man stole your toy, but he's just a little boy and doesn't understand you were playing with it.

Sanitation Engineer - Yeah! Miss-Miss went poopy in the potty! Good job! Let's put this poo in the toilet and you can flush it! All said as I'm wiping her bottom, Clorox-wiping the potty chair, and holding my nose.

Nurse - Oh, Bubba! I'm so sorry you stubbed your toe! Let me kiss it!

Doctor - Ty-man, you need to give him 2.5 mL of Motrin, based on his weight and age.

Pharmacist - Miss-Miss! Time for your antibiotics!

Jungle Gym - No, really, go ahead and climb over me, shoving your elbows in my ribs, and kneeing me in the ear. I'm cool.

Crisis Mediator - There is one chair and three of you! If you can't share then I'm putting the chair in time-out!

Dietitian - OK! Chicken nuggets and tater tots are ready! DINNER! Yeah, obviously, I suck at this one.

Librarian - Sweetie, we've already read Cinderella five times today. Let's read Rapunzel, instead.

Repair Technician - Let me change the batteries in your toy/tape this ripped page/muffle the speaker on your firetruck!

Housekeeper - Wow, you've trashed the toys for the fourth time today. Yeah, let me clean that up before I go insane.

Laundress - Um, yeah. I need to Spray 'n Wash this poop stain. And this pee stain. And this blueberry stain. And this...

Physical Therapist - OK little man. Let's walk up the stairs. OK, I'll hold your hands, now put one foot on that step and push up! Good! Now put your other foot on the next step. Push up. Yeah!

And that's all my sleep-deprived brain can come up with. Any other ideas? Let me know in the comments!


Donna said...

What's funny is supposedly it's not as tiring as a real/labor job!

can you tell I've had this conversation lately!?

Miss Britt said...

Wait a minute. Why are you cleaning up the toys more than once a day?

Apparently you need to add "masochist" to that list!

Willie G said...

Don't forget about the "non-kid" contingent, how 'bout:

Sex Therapist
Exotic Dancer
Lingerie Model
Ego Stroker
Liar ("yes honey it IS the biggest I've ever seen")

Shall I go on??... or just go away ;-)

Expat No. 3699 said...

Wait until you can add chauffer to that list. You know when you're driving them back and forth to school, after school activities, friend's houses, doctor appointments...

Bucky said...

I know what you mean about the Librarian. If I have to read Pooh Bear anymore my brain is going to melt.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Donna - Yeah, um, big fat WHATEVER!!!!

Britt - Yes, yes I should add that one.

Willie G - HA! He wishes...

Employee #3699 - Oh, honey. Don't remind me. At least by that time, "Sanitation Engineer" will be through.

Bucky - SERIOUSLY! I'm right there with you.

Unknown said...

Ha! I see Miss Britt's "masochist" and raise with a "martyr." :)

Molly's Mom said...

What website or magazine was it that added up the salaries of all those jobs to see what a SAHM's market value is...I can't remember! But you'd be set fo' life with all those!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Teri - Dude, I'm so kickin' yo ass! Biatch!

Molly's Mom - Yeah. I think our husbands owe us about $170,000. A year. I'll take my salary in the form of an Alice (read: Brady Bunch housekeeper) thankyouverymuch!