24 October 2008

Slapdash Impedimenta*

Life around here is a bit nuts right now. We've got company coming and I'm avoiding the cleaning of my house because it's damned boring. And tedious. So you, dear readers, get random bullet points. Enjoy!

  • I'm nervous about this morning's appointment with my psychologist. I haven't seen her in nine years. I feel like it's a first date after the last date many years ago. And that she's going to take one look at me and stamp my file with DUDE! SHE'S NUTS!
  • Why does my side of the family feel it necessary to use my house as a way-station/Holiday Inn when they're on their way through Atlanta from point A to point B? And I get to see these people for 12 hours every, oh, ten years? I mean, I know Atlanta isn't Disney World or NYC, or the beach, but I think I could scrape up a few activities to keep us entertained. Oh, and? There's that whole Gosh! I haven't seen you in ten years! Let's take a couple of days at least to catch up! Do I smell? Is that the problem? Be honest.
  • I am like the CSS Queen, bitches! OK. Maybe not The Queen. Maybe more like a Baroness. Or a Lady? Fine. I'm the CSS Serf. But? I replaced the ugly-ass flower-looking bullets used in the Scribe template with some cute, little, round purple thingees that I stole from another site. See? Over there to the left? Of course, if I were Dave, I would have used cute bananas or coal miner shovels that I would have created from scratch in Adobe Illustrator CS3. But not CS4, because we all know CS4 sucks ass.
  • And? If I were Dave? I would have a beard, mustache, and a love of Uncrustables Sandwiches. And the Ty-man would be in a quandary.
  • OK, I have to admit it. Right here. Right now. I hate The View. Hate it with the burning hate of a million red giant stars. That is all.
  • And lastly, did any of you know that when a scuba diver farts underwater, while wearing a wet suit, that the fart bubbles will exit through the neck of the suit? And as the fart bubbles go up the water column, getting shallower, they will get bigger, expanding as the pressure of the water lessens? Cool, huh?
  • I would apologize for that last bullet point, but it makes me laugh. Because I fart underwater a lot. On scuba dives and in the tub.
  • And on that note, have a great weekend!
*I live for my thesaurus. How else could I make the title "random stuff" sound so British?


HEATHER said...

World of Coke is like my favorite place on earth. Yes I am a giant dork!! I love that tasting room!
Also, isn't there an exhibit at the GA aquariam that is Titanic related? Plus ZooAtlanta has a baby Panda!!! How cool is that! I would probably take up residence there if I lived closer-I love Pandas!
So it is your relative's loss if they don't want to spend any time with your particular brand of AWESOMENESS because chick-a-dee you are AWESOME!
Hope you have a good appointment with the doc and a good weekend with the kiddoes!

Unknown said...

Let's hope your quack doesn't read this blog. ;-)

Unknown said...

Dammit. Now I'm going to have get my scuba certification to try out that farting dealio.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

I'm starting to get a little iffy on The View, myself. I still record it every morning, but there is a lot of behavior on both sides that make my ears steam.

And I linked to your blog today. Check it out. :)

Molly's Mom said...

There is always, always someone crazier than you. Remember that.

World of Coke? Suh-weet! Maybe I'll check that out the next time I'm passing through ATL.

I'll defer to you as the CSS Queen, because I know less than nothing about that stuff. My husband is the graphic design guru in our household.

I've not caught more than 2 episodes of The View, and I'm not sorry. Those 2 times annoyed me. I'd much rather be ignorant of current events and watch Golden Girls reruns.

I can totally feel the fart bubbles going up my back...it probably feels a lot like when you let one while wearing a one piece swimsuit. And Molly thinks it's great fun to fart in the tub.

Bucky said...

I totally HAVE to go scuba diving now.

I wonder though, as the bubbles get bigger, does the stink get worse?

Anonymous said...

What?! I didn't know girls farted too!

Gypsy said...

Tub farts are, and ever will be, funny.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Other Heather - Oh, the World of Coke tasting room is so friggin' awesome! And, yes, there's a Titanic exhibit at the aquarium right now.

LeSombre - HA!

Teri - Hee hee!

NATUI - I mean, if I could watch it as entertainment, maybe I would enjoy the idiocy of it all. But? These women are serious and take themselves seriously. I just can't do it.

Molly's Mom - World of Coke is much fun!

Bucky - Well, the stink is probably the same, less concentrated.

Evil Genius - People pee in their wetsuits because, well, when you gotta go, you gotta go. But you don't need to pee in it before you get in the water. Only if the water is cold and you want to be warm. :)

Anonymous - Heck yeah we fart! All the damned time!

Vulgar Wizard - Hehe indeed. :)

Gypsy - "How dare you fart before me!"