29 October 2008


So, I went to my psychologist. And it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I did cry. And I did express my frustrations about stay-at-home-motherhood. How I so want to be the full-time mom who revels in her children 24/7, bakes them cookies, plays Barbies/Cars/teddies all. the. time. But that I can’t, no matter how much I want it, I can’t be that mom. I told her how much I love them and that I feel guilty for not being the mom who can be engaged every single minute and that I hate how easily frustrated I become.

And she nodded her head and brought up the fact that I’m an only child and that us singletons? We tend to value our “alone-time.” In fact, we can be rather rabid about it. I thought that motherhood would cure me of that. I suppose not.

She recommended I find a mothers’-morning-out program for J-man, twice a week, and that I spend those two mornings out of the house, away from all reminders of mother- and wife-hood. And I jumped on that like a woman starved.

But? We can’t afford a morning-out program. But? My wonderful husband, the family problem-solver, proposed the following. He would get the kids fed and off to school each morning. And I would run. And one afternoon a week, a grandmother or aunt would watch the kids to give me a mother’s-afternoon-out.

Did I mention that starving woman? Who has now finally been fed?

And yesterday morning and this morning, I ran. I only ran a mile each morning, a fact which grinds on my last “I ran a marathon in 2001 and ate 10Ks for breakfast” nerve. But I ran. And the endorphins surged. And I breathed.



Not Afraid to Use It said...

That is AWESOME hon!! Let me tell you, having Ty-man take over the morning routine is going to be a godsend. Hubbie did that back in Tahoe, and now that he can't do it anymore is tough. I am SO SO SO happy for you. Get out there and enjoy that breathing!!

Anonymous said...

Woohoo!! I'm so glad you're getting some much-needed YOU time. You've got till March for the ING ;-)

HEATHER said...

Yes, I get that so very much, being a singleton myself!
I am so glad that Ty-man is able and willing to help you with the kids.

A Free Man said...

I don't know how y'all (SAHMs) do it. In all the joy I felt with a day alone with my boy yesterday I was absolutely exhausted by the end of it. And there's only one of him. Glad your working something out for yourself!

RiverPoet said...

YAAAAAAAY! I'm so excited that you have a plan for taking care of you - because we all know that if we don't take care of ourselves first, we can't be there for everyone else who needs us.

Running isn't my drug of choice, but hubby loves to run. It does release those endorphins, and it gives hime the same reaction I get from a good book - a big smile!

Peace and love to you - D

Ali said...

having some me-time is SOO important ...i sooo felt that need when i was a stay at home mom.

ps. i think your husband is a keeper! ;)

That One said...

I'm not a singleton but I guard my "me time" fiercely. (My brother - who is three years older - was so shy/odd/introverted growing up, he'd barely speak to me. So I got used to alone time. But now? OMG. He's a chatterer! And I adore him.)

I'm so very happy that a solution has been figured out.

Ty-man? You rock. Thanks for helping our Heather keep her sanity.

Avitable said...

Very cool! I'm glad you're going to get a break.

Miss Britt said...


Gypsy said...

That's so great. I can feel you relaxing from here. :)

Expat No. 3699 said...

I'm glad you are going to be getting some much needed 'Heather' time. You deserve it.

And yeah for Ty-Man!

Donna said...

I've always wanted to run in a marathon ...

So, how does one explain my desparate need for me time? There's 5 of us.

Oh, and Hi! I've been reading, just no time for commenting ...

sybil law said...

That's awesome!!
I am not an only child, but I always felt like one because my brother is 6 years older than me. I TOTALLY get needing alone time.
Good for you!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

NATUI - Enjoying immensely!

Mentally Rehearsed - Oh, Lordy! Not ready to run any more marathons, yet! Gimme a few years. But, I do want to run the Suches, GA, "Race Above the Clouds" 10K next October. That I could do! :)

Other Heather - Fellow singletons, unite!

A Free Man - Thanks, hon!

RiverPoet - Oh, I feel so wonderful after a run. It's better than Zoloft!

Ali - He is, indeed!

Tuli - In a way, we all have our me-time that we cherish. And your brother sounds cool.

Avitable - Me, too!

Britt - Indeed!

Gypsy - Much relaxing.

Employee No. 3699 - Thanks, hon!

Donna - Honey, marathons are awesome! And painful. :) And you might need the me-time because you didn't get enough as a youth? Maybe?

Evil Genius - Get there, darlin'!

Sybil Law - Thanks, sweetie!

Anonymous said...

Hi, I've been reading for while and haven't commented but this post really struck a chord. I am very much a person that needs alone time too (although not an only child) and I had always wondered how I would cope having children. I guess it has put me off because when I don't get my alone time, I can hardly live with myself let alone look after children.

Molly's Mom said...

GOOD FOR YOU!!! And good for Ty-man to offer that up!

I'm not an only, although I came along far enough behind the others that I am practically in another generation. On the Myers-Briggs? I come out as introverted. Now the fact that I HAVE to get away for a little while when I'm with a big group of people, family included.

So glad you're getting your well deserved time alone!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Tonz - Glad my post spoke to you and glad you commented. I wondered, before our kids, how I would do. I wouldn't change a thing. But I'm glad I have some me-time. There are only a handful of people out there who can truly do the SAHM thing 24/7 and it doesn't get to them. And those people have my utmost respect.

Molly's Mom - OK. I had never heard of that test. I just took it and I'm (1) very expressed introvert (2) moderately expressed intuitive personality (3) moderately expressed feeling personality and (4) moderately expressed judging personality. Oh, my.

Unknown said...

I'm an only child too, and when I don't get that time to myself, I start to lose my shit, and start resenting my kids for needing me. I'm glad you're finding some solutions.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

The Holmes - Thanks, man. I'm glad, too.