17 December 2008

No, I'm Not Going To Kiss It

Well, it's official.

I was responsible for my son's very first accident involving his... well...

Family jewels
Big Bubba and the twins
Beans and Frank

Yes, male readers of the CMG, feel free to lambaste me at your leisure. I shall take it like a woman.

You see, Bubba was playing on his Pooh Bear Train. He would propel himself toward me as fast as he could push himself off. Then I would stop the train with my foot, give him a second's adjustment of his forward momentum being stopped, then shove the train backwards. He loves it. We've done it countless times! He giggles and squeals with delight! And I smile because doing this means I don't have to push the damned thing around and around and around and around.... the kitchen island. Back-breaking work. Anyway, it was all fun and games until I forgot to give him that split-second pause. And I shoved too quickly, and he "racked his balls" - as the Ty-man puts it - on this:

He stopped. And I could tell he wanted to cry but he didn't. He just said, "Ow." very, so very softly. And I realized what happened. I said, "Oh no! Do you have an owie?" "Yesh." was the quiet reply. "On your penis?" I queried. "Yesh." he responded. And then he said the one thing I was dreading.

"Will you kiss it?"

We kiss all owies in our house. Elbows, hands, faces, knees, yadda, yadda. But this was a first, a private-parts injury. And, um, yeah. Not kissing the Beans and Frank.

So, I tried not to laugh at his question and instead said, "Honey. When you hurt your penis, I can't kiss it. Neither can Papa or Esha (his word for Miss-Miss) or J-man or anybody else. No one. But I can give you a hug."

"OK." was his sad little, whispered reply. And then he got back on the train and zoomed around the house, owie seemingly healed.

And that is how I avoided getting my name on a national sex offender's list.


HEATHER said...

Bless his little heart!
Poor little guy.

Willie G said...

Trust me, he will continue to use that line his whole life :-)

Not Afraid to Use It said...

OMG, I cannot wait to read that to Hubbie. I feel awful for your little guy, but that is absolutely hilarious.

Jackie S. Quire said...

This is hilarious, and funny enough, very similar to an anecdote I read on another favourite family blog.


Gypsy said...


Poor thing. ;)

Anonymous said...

Twig and berries?

Awww...poor little guy. Oh well, it certainly won't be the last family jewel incident. And somewhere along the line, I betcha he gets SOMEONE to kiss his owie. Let's just hope they're both of age by then.


Unknown said...

I feel I need to share an "owie" story of our family. ;-)

My daughter jumped on one foot towards LovelyWife, crying and holding her other leg. LovelyWife grabbed her, and started kissing her foot, asking between kisses:

"Awwww ::kiss:: poor baby ::kiss:: tell mama ::kiss:: what happened ::kiss:: ::kiss:: ::kiss::"

My daughter answered, between sobs:

"Stepped ::sob:: in ::sob:: vomit"

We tell this story every Christmas, and we laugh ourselves silly every single time. ;-)

A Free Man said...

Well dodged. But seriously, what a stupid design. Clearly not designed by men.

Anonymous said...

I guess "wanker" must have a very different meaning in the UK, as I'd certainly not use it around a toddler!

It literally means masturbator as in "oi, wanker..." (usually the prelude to a fight if you're not talking to a good mate)


kaila said...

Is it bad that I laughed out loud at this? I mean, I feel for the little guy and all, but geesh that's funny.

Faiqa said...

Oh, that was funny. Feel bad for your little man, but OMG. I'm going to have to read this one aloud to my husband.

Liz Hill said...

I started laughing right away and then I read Mike' comment and totally lost it!

and Willie G is right!