04 December 2008


OK. I have this theory. It's rather rough, but just bear with me.

I've had this cold/sinus infection now for almost a month. And in that time? I have produced more snot than I thought physically possible for any one human being.*

That being said, I think all the doctors, physiologists, biology teachers, all of them. Are dead. wrong. I don't care if they have done autopsies, have fancy medical degrees with "Ph.D." and "M.D." after their names, and have seen human bodies all laid out in glorious turned-inside-out splendor. They don't know what the hell they're talking about. There is no way the human sinus cavity is located just in the upper area of the front of our skulls. Nope. Uh-uh. You're not fooling me. This is what I think my sinus cavities look like versus what those "educated medical people" say they look like:

Honestly? I think our veins double for snot repositories between the months of August and April. And the color? Well, the color of this stuff is just unimaginable:

That's as close as I could get. Ty-man says I should have just taken a picture of my own snot but I won't put you through that. Just imagine that I sneezed on my blog.

Next time I have one of these mucushagic** plagues? I'm going to pick out my biggest Tupperware® container and blow my nose inside it. Continuously. For a month. And drop it off at the CDC.

There's gotta be a WMD in there somewhere...

*Oo! Oo! Maybe I'm a mutant! Woo hoo! "Confessions of Snot Girl" comin' at ya!
**Breaking out the made-up words again! Boo-ya!


HEATHER said...

Go to NeilMed.com and get one of their Sinus Rinse Kits. Don't get the NetiPot-they are horrid! The rinse bottle is the best. Heat water and add the salt, and squirt it up your nose. You would not believe how much it helps!! No really I mean it!
They are available at Wal-Mart, Target, Walgreens, CVS etc. They are great.
Hope you feel better soon.

Miss Britt said...

I think you need to test out this super power theory.

Have you tried throwing the snot at anyone yet?

Anonymous said...

Love the color swatch of your snot.

Ooo, ooo! Wanna test the WMD out on my husband's ex-employers?! Despite our mediation and verbal agreement, we still have NO written document after a month, thus no settlement $$. I discreetly coughed on my hand before I shook theirs, but I'd much rather bring in Super Heather to throw snot all over them!

kaila said...

Lunatic Heather has it right, except some people, like my mom, swear by the neti-pot. Either way it's worth a shot.

Also, I would like some of your super snot - I have an evil plan for it that involves my ex-husband.

Or wait, is that what you are sending me as my prize?

Anonymous said...

You mean it all filters through the granny panties? Oh dear...that could be part of the problem!!


Feel better soon kiddo - you've really had this bad!!

Trukindog said...

If the WMD research doesn't pan out maybe you can develop & market it as an industrial epoxy.

I bet you ROCK the Granny Panties. GIGGITY GIGGITY OH YEEEAH! :)

Bucky said...

I use a neti-pot for my sinus problems, and love it!

Not Afraid to Use It said...

If you could just figure out how to do a good snot rocket and jettison some of that mucus onto people who piss you off. Now THAT would be a helluva YouTube video.

A Free Man said...

Your theory would make you some sort of freaky sinusoidal mutant. If that's what you want, then OK.

Expat No. 3699 said...

So about this super power thang...the giant 'S' on your chest would have to stand for Snot Girl.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Other Heather - Thanks for the advice, hon! I will definitely try that!

Miss Britt - Ooo! Flinging snot! That would be fun!

MommyCosm - I would gladly throw snot all over those distrustful people! :)

Kaila - Oh! I love evil plans against ex-husbands! I'm in!

Giggle Pixie - HA! Yes, the granny panties are the filter!

Trukindog - You know, there is a sort of "rubber cement" quality about it when it halfway dries. Oh, and? I totally RAWK the granny panties!

Bucky - OK. Now I'm going to have to try this.

NATUI - I actually did nail my running buddy with a snot rocket once. It was priceless!

A Free Man - Oh, I'm all over the mutant angle. :)

Employee No. 3699 - HA! Most definitely Snot Girl!