13 March 2009

Rockin' Robin

Last night was another HOA meeting. Which means another brain dump. Which means you're getting a blog post that didn't take much thought.

I've been Tweeting Twatting Twittering for almost a year now. It's all Avitable's fault. Ass. When I went back and read through all of my Twitter updates over the last eleven months? A few actually made me snicker. These are my faves and I hope you enjoy.


Will child welfare take my kids if I feed them off the floor? I mean, since the food ends up there anyway, just take out the middleman.

I just chatted with my husband on Google Chat. Is that dirty?

Is it weird that my daughter hugs and kisses her Mr. Spock doll? Won't that make him uncomfortable? He is, after all, Vulcan. Poor guy.

Uh, oh. @Santa_Claus_ just dropped me. Should I be worried?

OMG! OMG! Miss-Miss just pooped in the potty! All by herself! With no urging from me! OMG! Can't believe I just twittered about poop!

G-Damned Twitter! Just ate my twat! Wait, that didn't come out the way I meant it. Twitter ate my... just forget it.

I don't have a 15-month-old son. I have a drool machine. Yuck.

And on the eighth day the Lord said, "And let the green snot floweth. And it flowed, and it was good."

Wondering if I can turn mayonnaise into a viable treatment for hardwood floors because I'm too damned lazy to clean up the mayo on my floor.

Tom Brokaw is gonna come out of his fucking chair.

No longer a car-battery jumping virgin. Did that sound dirty?

Honestly? I think his colon is as big as he is tall. That's like... 3 feet of poo! He was in there for 15 minutes!

So, when I'm watching Dr. No, why can't I have Sean-Connery-in-skimpy-swim-trunks-shaped graham crackers?

But at least his newest friend isn't invisible and calls me "That nasty old butt-scratching hag!" That would be depressing.

Made the kids jingle bell necklaces. Not so much because they're Christmas-y but because I want to hear them coming.

Hillshire Farm! Go Meat!

Too. Many. Toys! Must. Kick. Santa. In. Nuts! AARRRRGGGGHHHHH!

Oh, wonderful and great Maximum Strength Orajel, in your great name do we pray, Amen.

Riding the wave of a Godiva chocolate-induced insulin spike.

Baking. Which loosely translates to "trashing the kitchen and burning shit."

Might slip a little of the hard stuff into my coffee. "Hard" meaning "whole milk."

I wanna sniff Sean Connery's seat belt!


Anonymous said...


I didn't start on Twitter until a few months ago, so I completely missed out on all those Christmas ones...funny.

sybil law said...

This one is my favorite -
I wanna sniff Sean Connery's seat belt!

Not Afraid to Use It said...

OMG. The jingle bell jewelry is the best. You made my whole morning, dear twin.

Anonymous said...

I love that you love Sean Connery too! I actually named my son after him!!!!

And these tweets were hysterical. I always start to tweet but after about the 3rd one I'm done with the whole thing for another month. Damn ADHD, I swear.

Miss Britt said...

Hey - how do you know how long you've been twatting for?!?!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

MommyCosm - Oh, yeah. I was ready to shank Santa, then he unfollowed me. Bastard.

Sybil Law - Totally! Who wouldn't?!?

NATUI - So very glad to do so!

Giggle Pixie - Seriously?!? He so owes you a date for naming your offspring for him.

Britt - Yeah. We talked about this. I'd do it for you... for a fee. ;)