24 April 2009

My Mom is Divine 69!

My mom turned 69 this past Saturday. I quickly informed her that she was now officially a sex position and that for the next year whenever someone asks her her age? She should reply I'm a sex position! And that made her giggle all weekend.

And in honor of her birthday, I gave her some red and purple jewelry and a bouquet. A bouquet I constructed in order to save money that ended up looking like a 2nd grader put it together rather than buy a ready-made bouquet that looks beautiful. Gad, I'm so cheap. And untalented. Observe.

Notice the lack of symmetry and how the roses are NOT the focus of the bouquet. Yeah. Royally screwed-up there.

You can really see how after the second flower placement toward the end I just gave up and started stuffing flowers in the vase willy-nilly. I'm really bad at this. Which is why I've decided to open up my own floral shop, specializing in shitty-looking arrangements. Because sometimes we would like our Mother's Day bouquets to look like toddlers put them together. You know, that whole nostalgia thing. For example:

Guy: Hey! I'd like to order an arrangement for my grandmother!

Me: Sure! Do you want matching or mis-matched flowers?

Guy: Mis-matched and I want the flowers cut too short for the vase. Basically, just cut the tops off and throw them in the water.

Me: So, basically, you want it to look like a toddler just lopped the tops off the flowers in the back yard and stuck 'em in a bowl of water?

Guy: Yep! That'll do it!

Or even...

Woman: Hi! I'd like to order an arrangment?

Me: No problem! What is your preference?

Woman: I want the flowers to match, but I want them all cut at different lengths, just sort of shoved into the vase, with no rhyme or reason to it.

Me: Sounds good, hon! That's our specialty!

Happy Birthday, Mom! Nothing is more divine than to be 69!


A Free Man said...

Hey, it's the thought that counts isn't it? Happy birthday to your Mom!

That One said...

Happy Birthday Heather's Mom!

I used to work in a flower shop. As the delivery girl. Let me know when your shop opens - I'm a wicked good flower truck driver.

sybil law said...

Hey - flowers are pretty no matter how they're put together. Or, that's what I say.
Happy birthday, daughter of a coal miner (maybe) AKA, Heather's mom!

Gypsy said...

Very sweet. Happy birthday to yo' mama.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

A Free Man - True, it is the thought. :)

Tuli - Oh, I'll so be calling you! :)

Sybil Law - My mom was very nice about the bouquet. So, that made me feel like a 5th grader rather than a 2nd grader. HA!

Gypsy - Sticky sweet.

Avitable said...

Happy birthday to your mom!

Patois42 said...

Can I have mine wrapped in aluminum foil as if they were fresh picked from the field?

penny said...

Happy birthday to your Mom!

That's why I always order the flowers for mom, instead of buying them. That and I'm lazy. And we don't actually have a place here to buy flowers, except at the florist.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Avitable - Thanks, hon!

Patois - Yes'm, you can!

Penny - Yeah. From now on I'll be ordering them. I suck at arranging.