30 June 2009

Patriotic Spam

A few of you may have noticed the following tweet on Friday:

Person I don't know sent me spam about the military with a poem. Asked them not to, they got nasty, called me unpatriotic. I hate idiots.

That one tweet devolved my Friday into a series of e-mails, phone calls, investigation into HOA financials, and general fussing and faffing about.

This all started when I received the usual image-heavy/God-Bless-Our-Country/pass-this-along-to-9,000-of-your-closest-friends spam mail. I hate spam. And I especially hate spam that has been forwarded to 19 other people before getting to me, so that before I can even see the tear-jerker images and read the cheesy poem, I have to view the To:, From:, and Subject: lines of everyone else. And I really hate spam sent to me by total strangers who just assume everyone in their contact list loves spam of all shapes and sizes and just forwards this crap along willy-nilly.

So I did what any self-respecting hater-of-spam would do in this situation. I replied to the sender, informing them that I didn't know them and would prefer not to receive future spam chain letters.

And this? Is what I received in return:

I don't know how you got into my address book but I thought those therein (my friends) would be interested in patriotic information regarding the state of our wonderful country. Evidently you are not. Rest assured, I shall remove you from my address book immediately. Enjoy your life.

What? The frak. Like I snuck into his address book and tried to pass myself off as a friend. And then accused me of a lack of patriotism because I don't like forwarded spam e-mails that clog up my Inbox.

I? Lost it. And out of my keyboard came the following:

You know what? I don’t need your nastiness about my supposed lack of patriotism just because I don’t care for unsolicited spam in my Inbox, spam that contains large image files and clogs up my Internet connection. Spam that I didn't sign up for. I attended a military college. As did my husband. Several of our good friends serve in the military. We vote in every election and fly the American flag on the front of our home. We are about as patriotic as you can get. That is the last I have to say to you. Please, buggar off and don’t make assumptions about people simply because they request “No spam.” You, as well, enjoy your life.

Yeah. I was pissed. And then I racked my brain, trying to figure out who the heck this idiot was and how he got my address. I called my mom and let her know I'd ticked off a Red Hat friend. Nope. Wrong. And at that moment I paused and thought What if it's one of my neighbors? And sure enough, when I checked our HOA financial statement for May, there was the name of my culprit.

Yet another reason for me to want to run screaming from my neighborhood.


A Free Man said...

Nice work. Though it sounds like your neighbor is a fuckwad, so who cares. Don't get me going on nationalism garbed as 'patriotism', but really - is it a big loss?

HEATHER said...

Yikes! I really hate those emails too, but sometimes I will send along a joke. I try to always delete all of the "to" "from" so that email will be clean. Did I send you the one about taking your kids for a drive? I hope I didn't offend you.
The ones that I hate the most are the "if you don't forward this you are ashamed of Jesus" and "if you don't forward this to tweleve of your friends you will have bad luck for eighty years"
I regularly delete them.

Annie said...

Sounds like something I'd do... Except with my luck it would be one of the aforementioned "forward if you love Jesus and want good karma" emails that would be sent by one of my husband's parishioners. Yep, that's me, the wicked pastor's wife!

Liz Hill said...

I HATE those things! I hate the 'marching in lockstep' mentality of that. I am sick to death of the chain bullshit.

Sorry about more HOA drama though;-)

Bubblewench said...

That is a reason I hate HOA's... Glad you stood up for yourself though. Hope that SOB backs off and shows you some respect!

Kyra said...

Oh, I think your response is perfect! :) And I still say we invade your HOA and set them straight. One big blogger invasion...

Willie G said...

Ya know, sometimes a big ol' foot sandwich is worth every bite!!

Not Afraid to Use It said...

Like you, I have learned the hard way that people who send emails like that are completely incapable of having a rational discussion. Good for you for standing up for yourself.

Sheila (Charm School Reject) said...

omg - I hate hate hate all of those forwards. I very rarely forward any of that stuff. But when I do, I *always* clean it up first because that stuff annoys me!

Expat No. 3699 said...

Ha, love your response. Better make sure your flag is flying high this Saturday!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

A Free Man - Oh, it's so not a big loss. I didn't even know the guy. So, I'm not worried.

Other Heather - I mean, I'll send off the ones that really tickle my funny bone. It just got me that he accused me of being unpatriotic. I mean, seriously?

Annie - HA! Total wicked pastor's wife.

Turnbaby - At least when it was snail mail, the chain letters seemed to be few and far between. When you had to pay for postage, you weren't as likely to send it. Now? With e-mail? It's rampant. And I hate it.

Bubblewench - Oh, he has. I think I slammed him with that last response. :)

SavyArt - You know. I seriously think I need to have a blogger get-together. And we trash the pool and clubhouse. It would be awesome!

Willie G - Hee hee!

NATUI - You know? You're so right about the lack of rational discussion.

Sheila - Me, too.

Employee No. 3699 - Oh, it's already up and waving in the breeze! :)

Ashlie- Mommycosm said...

Wow - totally not ever moving to your neighborhood. No offense. LOL.

Merrily Down the Stream said...

Ah, feck 'em!

Patois42 said...

I LOVE this! 'Cause I always get emails from people I've no clue how I've "met." And a lot of them sound very similar to this.

Avitable said...

I do that to my grandfather and mother because they send me shit all the time.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

MommyCosm - Hee hee!

Merrily - Totally!

Patois - It's an epidemic, I'm tellin' ya!

Avitable - And yet, they still send you shit. HA! :)

pipper said...

I'm so glad you wrote him back :)

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Pipper - Me, too!

Gypsy said...

Oh man, I could so never do that, but I'm so proud that you did.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Gypsy - Thanks, hon. :)