07 August 2009

Answers, Part 2

I just want to apologize for my extensive use of the baser language in this post. I'm really hot under the collar about this and seriously just needed to drop a few s- and f- bombs. If it offends you, I apologize.

I've heard a lot in my short 37 years about things that are harmful to women, things that objectify those of us of the "gentler" sex, and make it more difficult for us to be taken seriously:

beauty pageants
bikini contests
strip clubs
Hannah Montana
(OK. Maybe not that last one.)

To be honest? None of that stuff bothers me. As long as the women participating in said activities are doing so because they want to, because they have voluntarily signed up to do it, are OK with being slobbered upon, and they don't need Xanax to do it? It's not turning me personally into a sex object*. This is a free country; show your tits through a wet, white t-shirt. I couldn't care less.


Being told by our property manager that responding to the VP/bully in a logical-'Scuse me but you just asked me what?!? That's wrong and you need to admit it!-in-his-face manner is OK if we (the HOA prez and me) happen to be men, but as women we need to present softer, sweeter, more joking-type responses. Wow. Seriously? Are you kidding? No? Because that, ladies and gentlemen, that is the objectification bullshit I'm talking about. You can kiss my glass ceiling Mr. Property Management Company Owner because that shit right there? That is what makes it hard for my side of the human race to be taken seriously by anyone with a penis.

Jodi and I have sat for six months and watched the vice-president of our HOA treat us like the mud on his shoe just because our mamas didn't raise us to be a doormats. He accuses us of saying things that aren't true, we tell him he's wrong, and when he responds with baseless accusations and over-the-top emotion? Then back the fuck up, because you don't call someone a liar, you don't accuse someone of things they haven't done, and then expect either of us (or any woman, for that matter) to complacently smile, nod our heads, and reply That's OK. I know you didn't mean it all while stroking his arm and ego. I think we're allowed to respond honestly and, yeah, a bit aggressively, based on our statuses as human beings, all gender aside. And when we sit for the same six months, watching this abuse unfold, receiving no support from the other two officers (one man, one woman), and being told by our property manager to be softer in our responses? To be sweeter? All because we have vaginas? Then I realize that the game is lost. Completely.

I'm finished, guys. I absolutely refuse to be a party to this double-standard crap of He's sowing his wild oats./She's a ho. OR He's assertive./She's bitchy. OR He can hold his liquor./She's a lush. And I hate it that after all these years of "following the rules" (i.e. Get the college education. Don't flash the boss. Don't sleep with everybody and their brother. Yadda. Yadda.) I'm still viewed as someone who needs to interact differently with my fellow man in order to achieve the result I'm hoping for, that I have to bat my eyelashes, that I have to show a little cleavage, that I have to wink when I say what I mean so it won't be construed in such a harsh manner. That right there is some of the stinkiest bullshit I've ever encountered. People, if you're bad, you're bad. If you're good, you're good. And if someone is abusing you based on your responses to them? Then it's still abuse. Period. End of the gender discussion.

As of next Wednesday, I will be resigning my position as secretary of the HOA and Jodi will be resigning her position as president. Oh, we'll still be directors, but we will no longer be officers with official responsibilities. Because if the vice-president wants all the power? Fine, he can have the 30-hours-per-week Jodi puts into the job. If he wants to scream and holler that my minutes are lies? Then he can keep notes on the meetings and write his own version of the history of the HOA. And the other two directors who have sat back and said nothing, therefore making the actions of the VP acceptable? They can deal with him as the new president. And I certainly hope they get two in-boxes, four earfuls, and two bellyfuls of his antics.

Because I? Am done.

*Me. A sex object. This is for to laugh.


HEATHER said...

Oh honey, NOTHING, BUT NOTHING makes me any angrier than this type of BS!! And the comments of the property manager could be construed as sexual harassment.
Life is just way to short to put up with that kind of crap!

Molly's Mom said...

Oh hell. Is that the difference between living in the south versus the north? That they expect the "gentler, kinder" woman? You are absolutely doing the right thing... I agree with Heather that the comments could be harassment - but would anyone else believe you??

Unknown said...

Does that mean if I entertain naughty notions about you I've crossed the line?

Cause I think you're cute.

I also think you're intelligent, articulate and right.

hello haha narf said...

does your resigning give this ass power to negatively impact you in other areas? i've never been a member of any hoa so i really don't know what they do. sorry!'

Joe @ IrrationalDad said...

That sucks. Wife is one of 3 girls, and her father raised her to not take crap from anyone, how to change her own oil, and how to be independent. Just like your last post, I think it's great your making changes that work for you, but the other part of me is screaming "NO, CMGD!!! DON'T BACK DOWN!!!!"

Geekgrl64 said...

Wow, that is so gross! I am with you, I CANNOT STAND that type of crap. I think that resigning is the best thing in order to keep your sanity.

metalmom said...

They are MadMen I tell ya! (get the tv reference? LOL)

Good for you for quitting. And you are right about the hours being plopped on his lap. The HOA will have no recourse but to fire him sooner or later.

I love when you say naughty words. It's sexy hot.

Patois42 said...

Reading "while stroking his arm and ego," I could only think that's not what he wants stroked.

Hope the dumbass is more miserable than he currently is once you purty gals ditch.

And the verification word sounds quite like him: "scrohmed"

sybil law said...

That guy really, really pisses me off - I mean, the whole story pisses me off! It sucks that you've had to deal with blatant stupidity. I hope everyone else finally sees (or publicly acknowledges) his neanderthal crap.
And you're totally sexy, duh! There's nothing sexier than a beautiful but obviously intelligent woman - with balls. :)

Leigh Anne said...

I'm pissed off from just reading this and I don't even know you. No wonder you want to quit!

But I hope you distribute this entry to your blog at the meeting. Or at least read it to them.

Avitable said...

It's unfortunate, though, because that also kind of means that he wins, doesn't it?

Michael from dadcation.com said...

That sounds miserable. Glad y'all are out (sorta).

Not Afraid to Use It said...

Yeah, I don't know whether it is better to quit or stay. Do what is best for your sanity and family. Sorry this is such a mess.

Gypsy said...

Good for you, Heather. Good for you.

Expat No. 3699 said...

Unfortnately, he's probably not going to care that being president will take up more of his time. So be prepared to watch him gloat when you two quit.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Other Heather - Exactly. That's why I'm turning it in. Life is too short for this.

Molly's Mom - I'm assuming this is a southern thing. If it's a national genetic opinion? Then I'm really going to be sad.

LceeL - Absolutely not, hon! And thank you.

Hello Haha Narf - Basically, by us resigning, the ass will have to become president. He can't contain himself. He will have to deal with the residents on a daily basis and when he consistently responds to them negatively and rudely, as only a bully can, then the residents will have to stand up to him to take him out. Right now, Jodi and I are fighting the fight alone because we're shielding the residents. No more.

Joe - I know. The other part of me wants to stick it out, too. As long as he doesn't get personal? I won't either.

Geekgrl64 - Thanks hon!

MetalMom - Sexy hot? Woo hoo!

Patois - HA! "Scrohmed" - that should totally be a verb.

Sybil Law - They will totally have to acknowledge that he's a bully when they have to deal with him on a daily basis.

LAB - I'll probably read it without all the cuss words. :)

Avitable - Trust me. He'll gloat until the overwhelming tasks as president gets slammed on him. And when he has to deal with the residents on a daily basis and begins to bully them, then it's going to get ugly. And about time, too.

Marty - I would totally love to borrow your penis. But then, you would be in some extreme pain and that would be sad.

Father Muskrat - Yeah. Sorta. I'll be totally out in February, thank God.

NATUI - I want to do both, but at this point quitting wins out. I don't need the high blood pressure.

Gypsy - Thanks, hon!

Employee No. 3699 - Oh, he will. I know he will. But that's OK, because when the residents start to complain about him, I'll get to gloat. :)