22 September 2009


There is a person I'm connected to on Facebook who decided to trash all men the other night with the following status update:

Why do most of the guys in my life have to suck so bad? I'm so glad A* didn't turn out to be a little boy.

Wow. What a great attitude. Let's just throw my four- and two-year-old sons to the wolves before they've even had a chance to date. Why don't we just go ahead and chuck Ty-man and Ian and John and Adam and ClintSteveMikeBrettJordanBob into that mix, great guys who don't deserve to be folded into the "guys suck" pile. That attitude? That one up there? That is such a cop out. Yep. Let's blame it all on the men. None of what happens to us ladies is our fault. Not at all. It's all the fault of our boyfriends/husbands/ex-husbands/lovers. Most definitely.

Now, I will admit that there are men out there who are just mean, nasty, heartless, and evil, that no matter what their mamas did they were going to be mean, nasty, heartless, and evil. But other than that small handful? I call total, complete, and utter bullshit. If a man has never been taught how to properly treat a woman, then he's never going to get it right. And if you, dear female Facebook user, keep dating and marrying and surrounding yourself with said loser men, then some of the blame lies with you. How does the old saying go... fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me? So, dear Facebook friend, instead of whining about the men in your life being rotten and expressing your joy that your daughter isn't male? Why don't you instead say, Wow, I have issues and I keep seeking out the wrong men. I've been married and divorced twice in my short 35 years and I'm obviously doing something wrong. Rather than seek out those male personalities that I consistently look for and who constantly hurt me for one reason or another, why don't I look for someone different who might actually be good for me? And if you come to that conclusion, dear one? Then maybe there will be a chance for you to be happy and for your daughter to not make the same mistakes as you.

And maybe you'll quit lumping my toddler sons, and every other male I love and cherish, into the wrongs committed on you by men you should have never sought out after learning what to avoid the first time.


Now, I'll just step off my soap box and go soak in some Calgon.

*A would be her toddler daughter.


Lynda said...

I love this post because I have some pretty great men in my life.

However, sometimes when I get into that "men suck" kind of mood, I can usually pinpoint it to a certain one.

And hey, sometimes women suck too.

I never would hope for my future, potential children, or my nephew, to be something they are not because of one person's actions. What is that going to teach A?

HEATHER said...

You are so spot on with this post!!
I used to have a friend that had that same attitude and it drove me nuts(reason I quit taking her calls). Then she would fish through everything my husband did or said to try and run that down and lump him in with all of the husbands(who belonged to other women) that she ran around with. Drove me crazy!

A Free Man said...

It's kind of an oversimplification (and potentially dangerous) to paint all of one sex (or race, or ethnic group, or religion) with the same brush, innit?

I would venture to say that most of us don't suck. But most of y'all do.


Not Afraid to Use It said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Not Afraid to Use It said...

Excellent points all around. What makes me absolutely crazy are the women who blame other women for the mistakes of the men in their lives. I'm sorry, but your husband/boyfriend/son's behaviour is HIS responsibility. Not some girl/chick/ho/bitch or whatever other colorful epithet used to place the blame fully on the shoulders of a third party. All this does is enable these men to continue to make poor choices. Sadly, there are enough women out there who do this that the men who need to learn, do not. I think most of us who read here are lucky enough to have good men in our lives precisely because we don't, won't and never will put up with that kind of shit. We know we deserve better, and so we choose better.

**Reposted for my sucky spelling.

Bucky said...

Glad I am not one of the men in her life. :)

Molly's Mom said...

True true!

sybil law said...

Yep - I have friends who post that shit, too. It's annoying. God forbid they take a look in the mirror.
Don't even get me started! :)
Clearly, I agree with you.

Anonymous said...

I don't understand women that think this way at all. Um hello, I'm in the middle of a divorce that is sort of ripping my heart apart while I learn about what a douchepuppet my ex can be HOWEVER I still think that men are great. I love my male friends to pieces and yanno, I even hope to one day find great love again.

Teaching children this kind of blanketed sexual bias is so wrong on so many levels.

Ashlie- Mommycosm said...

That's one bitter, angry woman.

"And if you, dear female Facebook user, keep dating and marrying and surrounding yourself with said loser men, then some of the blame lies with you."

So true, so true.

I think the concept of "personal responsibility" is lost on a lot of people. It's so much easier to blame someone else. Way to call her out.

Patois42 said...

Here's hoping against all hope that A doesn't turn out to be a man-hater.

Avitable said...


The thing is, I almost feel the same way. Most men suck.

Unknown said...

Nicely put, my dear Heather! Nicely put!

Unknown said...

Thank you, ma'am. Good to know there's somebody who sees the good in those of us who wear a penis.

Chelsie said...

I just wanted to let you know that after lurking around reading your blog for a while that I love your wit and attitude. Keep on having such an awesome way of writing these moments out.

Irrational Dad said...

*head explodes*

Anonymous said...

Damn. Yes, a lot of men suck. But guess what? So do a lot of women... I hate when women (or men) generalize like that - it doesn't help anyone.

Michael from dadcation.com said...

I'm hurt I wasn't a hyperlink here for "great guys." Ah well. Maybe next rant.