12 January 2010

The Seven Heather Sins

MamaPop writer Schmutzie did a great post that paralleled select 2009 celebrity news stories to the seven deadly sins.

So I thought, why not equate aspects of my life to said seven sins? Hey, if I'm not going to pick and pick and pick and pick on my psyche until it bleeds all over my off-white carpet, causing me to call Stanley Steemer who will then call the cops because Holy crap, lady! Did you murder somebody in your house? Well then, do you need an ambulance?, who will? Right?

I present to you, the seven deadly sins of moi. Am I working on them? Constantly. Will I conquer them in this lifetime? Probably not completely. I'm a work-in-progress, people.

1. Wrath - I. Have. A temper. It's nasty. The problem (or maybe it's good - I don't know) is that I keep it in. I grind my teeth and get so friggin' pissed that my heart rate takes off like Danica Patrick and the next thing I know, I've held in said wrath for so long that I'm sobbing my eyes out in the minivan, alone, in the darkened garage. OR, I scream and holler. There is no in-between.

2. Greed - I want everybody to love me. All the time. Even when I'm stabby. And if I don't like someone and they don't like me back, it pisses me off. Why? I have no idea. I guess I'm greedy for adoration. Gad, I sound so friggin' shallow.

3. Sloth - I procrastinate until the last-minute and I find the easy way out of everything. Playing with my kids involves me laying on the floor and letting them crawl/wrestle all over me. Hey, I'm horizontal and they're laughing. That's good, right? Right.

4. Pride - I need to hear That's beautiful, Heather! or You're so talented, Heather! or Wonderful writing, Heather! or anything that compliments me and I need to hear it constantly or I begin to think I'm the worst failure ever. It's horrible. I don't understand why I need that constant affirmation. I'm embarrassed by it.

5. Lust - Jensen Ackles. Like I need to say more. It's a rather unhealthy obsession I have here. Not like I'm stalking him or anything. OK, maybe not in the real world, but in dream land? Boy is filing a restraining order on me. Seriously.

6. Envy - The purple shirt I just bought it cute but ZOMFG! Her purple shirt is cuter! And my red Honda Odyssey is clean and neat but HOLY FRIGGIN' CRAP that red Honda Odyssey has built-in DVD players! You see where this is going? My iPhone works perfectly fine, but I want yours. And will stew on that for days. Not healthy.

7. Gluttony - If there is the tiniest scrap of chocolate in the house, I will devour it, without hesitation or thought to my pancreas or insulin levels. I have absolutely no control. Picture a turtleneck-wearing vacuum cleaner.

So, what are your seven deadly sins?


HEATHER said...

This is a neat idea for a post! Mine is like yours the nasty temper. Vicious and mean-must be a mountain girl thing! Don't mess with us! LOL!!
And the gluttony.

Molly's Mom said...

Um, mine are pretty much exactly like yours...except the lust part would involve someone like Scott Bakula, Mike Rowe, George Eads, etc. (although your guy is pretty cute)

Love this idea - if I could ever get rid of the sloth, I might update my blog someday!

sybil law said...

Oooh, funny! I love it, though. I will steal this - yet anotehr sin I do! Or is that just a commandment I break? Whatever. Too slothful to look it up. :)
My lust is Dave Grohl. Totally. Badly.

Megan said...

I'm gonna have to think on this, but I will probably do this as a post. Great idea!

Until just now, I had no idea who Jensen Ackles was. But... good choice. Cute!

Patois42 said...

Oh, this is such a well written post. I am just so impressed with you. You're the best!

MrsRobbieD said...

I envy your talent :)
I lack it.
But I can fall back on my sarcasm..But not here ;)

Really I mean it...I envy ya.

Unknown said...

MY sins? You don't even want to know.

Lynda said...

Oh, I am the same as you on Wrath. I'm a bottler.

With greed, I just want stuff. I want that better cell phone.

Sloth - I sit at my computer too much. I admit it.

Pride - I'm kind of with you on that one, and also I have found I have become more and more proud of myself.

Lust - Oh, don't get me started.

Envy - OMG that person has their life in order. They had kids, and I want kids. She's pregnant. There are things I envy that I want one day.

Gluttony - I enjoy chocolate, so I am with you on that. I also enjoy eating out way to much.

Lynda said...

Totally off the subject....

The anti-spam word is table so I have to use it because for once it's actually a real word!

Not Afraid to Use It said...

Love this post. Scarily similar! :)

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Other Heather - Chocolate, by itself, is probably a sin.

Molly's Mom - Oh, Mike Rowe. Yep, got a seriously bad thing for him, too.

Sybil Law - Steal away, m'dear! :)

Finn - Oh, Jensen Ackles, half of the gloriousness that is Supernatural. *Sigh*

Patois - Oh, knock it off already.

MrsRobbieD - Thanks, hon. :)

LceeL - Oh, yes I do!!!!

Lynda - Pride in yourself. That's awesome, hon!

NATUI - We were separated at birth. Totally.

Faiqa said...

1. Wrath: I lose my shit if I have to repeat myself to anyone about anything. And by anyone I mean "my husband" and by anything I mean "household chores"

2. Greed - Money. I love it. I need it. I want a lot of it.

3. Sloth - My idea of heaven is not having to do anything except watching my favorite DVDs. I think that speaks for itself.

4. Pride - Same as yours, verbatim. Except obviously people should say "Faiqa" instead of "Heather".

5. Lust- Jude Law. Ahem. I love me some effeminate British men.

6. Envy - Same as yours.

7. Gluttony - I love sushi. I have no idea how people order six pieces of a tuna roll and then go, "Whew, I'm full." Seriously? I could eat fifty of them and not even bat an eye.

marty said...

Have you sought help? Don't look at me.