22 September 2010

A Long Time Ago...

... in a galaxy far..

Galaxy? Whatev. Try state.

OK! Fine! I'll start over. A long time ago, in a state far, far away, there...

Far, far away? Girlfriend lives in Florida and you live in Georgia. What are you smoking?

SHUT IT! If you interrupt me one more time, so help me... Ahem. A long time ago, in a state not-so-far away, there was a woman of beauty and wisdom named Faiqa.

Beauty and wisdom? Aren't you supposed to be her nemesis? Which means you should be talkin' smack right now.

HEY! Simmer down. Even the nemeses in a superhero battle realize and acknowledge the talents of their adversaries. Anyway, the beautiful and wise Faiqa pronounced me to be her nemesis because, after all, a person's true nemesis is someone equal to them in intelligence, capability, looks, and weapons.

Yes, we are some smart, kick-ass, beautiful women! With lightsabers from Toys 'R Us! Fear us!

Think about all the great hero/nemesis pairings throughout history:
  • Luke Skywalker/Darth Vader
  • Churchill/Hitler
  • Frodo/Sauron
  • the English language/George W.
  • Aslan/Jadis
  • Chocolate/Peanut Butter
After months of stewing on how to properly acknowledge my status as Faiqa's nemesis, I have decided to create superhero identities for us both. Behold:

Faiqa, Master Jedi, Lady Liberal, Defender of the Faith

Heather, Darth Chocolate of the Sith and the Princess of Pi

You both have lightsabers?!? What a couple of dorks.

That's because we're also geeks and members of the First Temple of George Lucas. Get over it.

The great thing about being someone's nemesis, though, is that deep down, both adversaries realize that in times of need, a bond can be formed against a common enemy. Honestly, people, when the shit starts to fly and the aliens come out of the sky to steal our water and turn us into lizard food, then Faiqa's just the girl I want to have at my back.

Until then, let's get this Force battle ON.


Grant said...

I want a nemesis. Can I have one? How much do they cost? Do they die if I forget to feed them?

Unknown said...

Both of you guys ... nice rack.

Barbara said...

May I identify myself as Aunt of Nemesis?

Michael from dadcation.com said...

You're way too nice to your nemesis.

marty said...

I'm my own nemesis. That might be a problem.

Patois42 said...

Damn. Do I have to choose between you? All right, you know I've always got your back.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Grant - A nemesis is free and they are able to feed themselves. Good luck finding one!

Sybil Law - Thanks, man!

LceeL - Well, of course!

Aunt Barbara - Oh, most certainly! You can even have your own lightsaber!

Muskrat - Naw. She's a mom. She deserves a little compassion.

Marty - True. Is that a split-personality thing?

Patois - Naw. You can cheer for us both. :)