Congratulations!

After having a record 13 people enter my sadistic blogiversary contest (heh), I went over the answers and entered all you brave souls into the random integer generator and I am pleased as punch to announce that Tuli is the winner! Tuli, e-mail me your name and mailing address and I'll send you a little box of Georgia swag! Woo hoo!

I've included the correct answers to the questions below. Thanks for playing, everyone!

1) Empire Strikes Back - To what did General Rieekan order all power in Echo Base rerouted?
B. The energy shield

2) A New Hope - What was M'iiyoom Onith's species?
C. H'memthe

3) Return of the Jedi - Whose fugitive parents were killed by Rodian bounty hunters when he was ten years old?
C. Doda Bodonawieedo

4) A New Hope - Who served as a test pilot on various TIE prototype ships?
B. Captain Yorr

5) Empire Strikes Back - To what phrase did C-3PO reply, "How rude!"?
B. "E chu ta!"

6) A New Hope - Where did C-3PO tell the stormtroopers the "madmen" were headed?
B. To the prison level

7) Empire Strikes Back - How many medium blaster cannons is an AT-AT fitted with?
A. Two

8) A New Hope - What was Beru Lars' homeworld?
C. Tatooine

9) Return of the Jedi - Which company manufactured the escort frigate used by the Rebellion?
B. Kuat Drive Yards

10) Return of the Jedi - What is the uppermost spire of the tower at Jabba the Hutt's palace?
B. A communications dome

Terrible Twos

So, yeah. This blog is two years old. I guess it's time for the temper tantrums, right? Do I really have to be potty-trained? Because these diapers are pretty friggin' awesome.

Would this whole blogiversary who-ha be easier to swallow if I told you there's a contest? And the winner would get a Georgia* swag bag? You'd like that, wouldn't you? Of course you would.

This past Christmas, the Ty-man (a.k.a. George Lucas's and Harrison Ford's love child) got this book from Santa:


You all know this is a Star Wars family, so I'm going to ask ten random questions from this book (only from the original trilogy, 'cause I'm old school that way). Based on how many questions you get right, that's how many times I'll put your name in the Randomizer and we'll see which name pops out as the lucky winner! Ya'll, I'm telling you right now, this shit is hard. Like, I go into the bathroom to take care of business and it's so rare I get an answer right that I've given up even touching this damned book. I just pee and go. The Ty-man, on the other hand, is all over this book. I'll hear him in there and I hear the book choosing a question and I hear Ty push A, B, C, or D and I hear DingDingDingDing!!! all. the. frakking. time. That's why he's disqualified from this contest.

Are you guys ready? You have until Monday night, 11:59PM, to comment here with your answers. Now, no cheating! No looking at the comments of others! Here we go:

1) Empire Strikes Back - To what did General Rieekan order all power in Echo Base rerouted?
A. The ion cannon
B. The energy shield
C. The medical facility
D. The hanger bay

2) A New Hope - What was M'iiyoom Onith's species?
A. Kubaz
B. Quor'sav
C. H'memthe
D. Saurin

3) Return of the Jedi - Whose fugitive parents were killed by Rodian bounty hunters when he was ten years old?
A. Greedo
B. Bossk
C. Doda Bodonawieedo
D. Max Rebo

4) A New Hope - Who served as a test pilot on various TIE prototype ships?
A. Captain Khurgee
B. Captain Yorr
C. Colonel Yularen
D. Colonel Kilb

5) Empire Strikes Back - To what phrase did C-3PO reply, "How rude!"?
A. "Tee chuta hhat yudd!"
B. "E chu ta!"
C. "Lana!"
D. "Paploo!"

6) A New Hope - Where did C-3PO tell the stormtroopers the "madmen" were headed?
A. To the hangar bay.
B. To the prison level
C. To the tractor beam
D. To maintenance

7) Empire Strikes Back - How many medium blaster cannons is an AT-AT fitted with?
A. Two
B. Four
C. Eight
D. Six

8) A New Hope - What was Beru Lars' homeworld?
A. Ator
B. Coruscant
C. Tatooine
D. Dantooine

9) Return of the Jedi - Which company manufactured the escort frigate used by the Rebellion?
A. Incom Corporation
B. Kuat Drive Yards
C. Hoersch-Kessel Drive, Inc.
D. Corellian Engineering Corporation

10) Return of the Jedi - What is the uppermost spire of the tower at Jabba the Hutt's palace?
A. A landing pad
B. A communications dome
C. A prison
D. An observation deck

Good luck everybody!

*Not UGA stuff. Georgia stuff. Like Vidalia onion salad dressing or something. Big on the something.

Giving the Bucky His Due

Yes, my fellow bloggers in arms. I'm back.

Fine. Don't everybody jump up and down at once. I get it. Anyhow, life has normalized and I'm ready and rarin' to go!

You may (or may not) remember my one-year blogiversary. And you may (most likely not) remember that in honor of said blogiversary, I held a contest and whoever could answer all ten contest questions correctly and make it through the randomizer would win my paltry prizes. And if you'll remember (yeah, right) Bucky was the poor sap lucky winner. The lucky, long-suffering, sitting-up-there-in-hillbilly-central-waiting-for-his-prize-package-to- materialize (NOT!), contest winner. Well, honey, this is your lucky week because the package is on its way! At least, I think it's on its way. I gave the box and a yuppie food stamp (a.k.a. $20) to J-man and sent him off with his morning cuppa and the mini-van to ship the damned thing via UPS while I took a bubble bath. But when he finally got home six hours later, he smelled of bourbon and cheap perfume. You may or may not get it. Frackin' kids.

So, I decided to send my big-time prize winner a t-shirt. With my ugly mug on it. And I wore said t-shirt for 24 hours. That's right, sweetie. I ate in it, fed kids in it, changed diapers in it, dusted, mopped, blogged, and slept in it. And I didn't wash it. I also posed for a few pictures. Observe:

Made coffee in it. If you put your nose reeeeaaaaally close to my picture on the t-shirt, in the area of my knee socks, you'll smell vanilla-hazelnut blend. You're welcome.


After feeding J-man his breakfast, there might have been a yogurt splotch. Or two. Not sure. Definitely some cat hairs, though.


No make-up. SCARY!


J-man was kind enough to smear Chick-fil-A condiments on your left sleeve. Boil that up for some soup later. YUM!

And, of course, I couldn't do this post without taking a final picture in your shirt. I thought I would re-create my iconic (snort!), widely-recognizable avatar. Just for you.


Feel free to drool. Or run screaming from your computer. I'll understand. Hope you enjoy your un-laundered t-shirt of me!

Oh, and? One more thing. I threw in a couple of cheesy Georgia souvenirs and this:


What's a present from Georgia without your very own "Deeeelux Edishon" DVD copy of Deliverance.

Squeal like a pig, Bucky. Squeal away.

Contest! Contest!

One week from today is my... drum roll if you please... one year blogiversary!

Woo hoo! Yippee! SQUEEEEEE!

So, in honor of said memorable day, I'm going to hold a contest. I'm going to ask 12 questions below (one for each month I've been blogging) regarding the content of this humble blog. Avitable always has a great way of determining contest winners, so I'm going to copy him. Each question will serve as one point. Based on how many questions you get right (how many points you accumulate), that's how many times I'll enter your name in a random number generator and finally come up with a winner. You have until next Tuesday, August 12th, 11:59 PM, to answer the questions in the comments section of this post if you want a chance to win a few fabulous prizes! Nothing special (Sorry, no iPods here.) but cool nonetheless. I'll announce the winner next Wednesday (and the answers) on the special day! So, good luck and here goes!

1. What is a snubble?

2. Who did I fall in love with in the Turks & Caicos?

3. What is the fourth step in becoming a super geek?

4. What kind of deal do I want to make with Columbian drug smugglers?

5. Why did USA Nails call me?

6. What am I missing from both big toes?

7. When I start to think too much, what do I call the honey on my morning toast?

8. What's my cup size?

9. What kind of swim trunks did my dad wear?

10. Why did I need three prescription motrins, one oxycodone, and one bag of frozen peas in one afternoon?

11. What did the dead-beat dad try to ship his kid, via UPS, from Georgia to California?

12. What was the name of the husband who fainted while having his blood drawn?

Have fun everyone!

This blog is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Batteries not included. Use only as directed. Do not read while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. May be too intense for some viewers. For recreational use only. All models under 18 years of age. Freshest if read before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated pictures. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Sanitized for your protection. Sign here without admitting guilt. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of cats. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the contest. Limited time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No purchase necessary. Use only in well-ventilated area. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. Driver does not carry cash. Decision of judges is final. Some side-effects may include diarrhea, vomiting, loss of vision, paralysis, facial twitching, anal itching, genital warts, inappropriate cursing, and leg lifts. Use as directed.