So, I'm on the way to the pediatrician today (J-man's second flu shot), feelin' a bit snarky, when I get behind a Jaguar. Don't know the model. Don't care. How do I know it was a Jag?
Not only did it have "Jaguar" emblazoned across the trunk...
... but the owner had a license plate frame that stated, "Jaguar."
Why?
We already know it's a friggin' Jag. It says so on the back of the f-ing car. Why do I need to be doubly reminded that you're a pretentious bitch with a Jaguar license plate frame?
Are you afraid that if you don't have "Jaguar" everywhere, all over the car, that all us non-Jag owning drivers will mistake it for a Yugo? Ford Fusion? VW Bug?
Do you really want to announce to the world that you're an ass?
Gee, I'm going to run out right now and grab a "Honda" license plate frame to go along with the big, giant, silver H on the back of my minivan just in case you pretentious, ass-wipe Jag motherf!@#ers don't get that I'm a stay-at-home-mom of three.
Bet her keychain says Jag, too. Meh.
Did I mention that I was feeling snarky today?
Showing posts with label road rage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label road rage. Show all posts
14 December 2007
25 September 2007
Kids on Board
I hate tailgaters. Just to let all of you "SUV-drivin’, late-night cruising teenagers with too much testosterone,” if you tailgate my red, 2005 Honda Odyssey, DIVEGRL vanity plate mommy-mobile, I WILL slow down to about 20 mph just to number 2 you off. I used to flip people off, yell, swear, and do all sorts of road-rage type activities in my younger years. Not anymore. Now, when I see tailgaters and road stupidity, I mutter under my breath and think of all the ways I could so screw up the stupid driver’s day.
For example, those little yellow, diamond-shaped “Baby on Board” or “Kid on Board” signs are just too nice and too small. We need to inject a little bit of Samuel L. Jackson here. You see, Samuel L. Jackson (or as I like to think of him, Jedi Master Mace Windu) has a favorite word and that favorite word is number 6 on George Carlin’s list, a.k.a. motherf***er. It can be quite the powerful word when used properly. I think Master Windu needs to market his own brand of “Baby on Board” signs. These sings need to cover the entire back window and say the following: There are children in my car, motherf***er! Get off my ass, NOW! Of course, you could have variations on a theme. There is a Glock in my car, motherf***er or I’m a psychopathic schizophrenic etc., I eat stupid people for breakfast etc., or even I have 911 in my speed dial etc. Any of those would do. I would be perfectly happy to grace the back of my suburban soccer-mom-to-be mode of transportation with one of those puppies. Mr. Jackson, give me a call. We’ll work out the manufacturing costs and retail pricing. We can cut a deal, I’m sure of it!
For example, those little yellow, diamond-shaped “Baby on Board” or “Kid on Board” signs are just too nice and too small. We need to inject a little bit of Samuel L. Jackson here. You see, Samuel L. Jackson (or as I like to think of him, Jedi Master Mace Windu) has a favorite word and that favorite word is number 6 on George Carlin’s list, a.k.a. motherf***er. It can be quite the powerful word when used properly. I think Master Windu needs to market his own brand of “Baby on Board” signs. These sings need to cover the entire back window and say the following: There are children in my car, motherf***er! Get off my ass, NOW! Of course, you could have variations on a theme. There is a Glock in my car, motherf***er or I’m a psychopathic schizophrenic etc., I eat stupid people for breakfast etc., or even I have 911 in my speed dial etc. Any of those would do. I would be perfectly happy to grace the back of my suburban soccer-mom-to-be mode of transportation with one of those puppies. Mr. Jackson, give me a call. We’ll work out the manufacturing costs and retail pricing. We can cut a deal, I’m sure of it!
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