Let Freedom Ring!

Last year, I posted the Declaration of Independence in its entirety. Thought I would do it again. Apologies if there are typos. Enjoy and have a great holiday!

THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE

Action of Second Continental Congress, July 4, 1776

The Unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America

WHEN in the Course of human Events, it becomes necessary for one People to dissolve the Political Bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the Powers of the Earth, the separate and equal Station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent Respect to the Opinions of Mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the Separation.

WE hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness - That to secure these Rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just Powers from the Consent of the Governed, that whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these Ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its Foundation on such Principles, and organizing its Powers in such Form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient Causes; and accordingly all Experience hath shewn, that Mankind are more disposed to suffer, while Evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the Forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long Train of Abuses and Usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object, evinces a Design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their Right, it is their Duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future Security. Such has been the patient Sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the Necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The History of the present King of Great-Britain is a History of repeated Injuries and Usurpations, all having in direct Object the Establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid World.

HE has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public Good.
HE has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing Importance, unless suspended in their Operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.
HE has refused to pass other Laws for the Accommodation of large Districts of People, unless those People would relinquish the Right of Representation in the Legislature, a Right inestimable to them, and formidable to Tyrants only.
HE has called together Legislative Bodies at Places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the Depository of their public Records, for the sole Purpose of fatiguing them into Compliance with his Measures.
HE has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly Firmness his Invasions on the Rights of the People.
HE has refused for a long Time, after such Dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the Dangers of Invasion from without, and Convulsions within.
HE has endeavoured to prevent the Population of these States; for that Purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their Migrations hither, and raising the Conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.
HE has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.
HE has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the Tenure of their Offices, and the Amount and Payment of their Salaries.
HE has erected a Multitude of new Offices, and sent hither Swarms of Officers to harrass our People, and eat out their Substance.
HE has kept among us, in Times of Peace, Standing Armies, without the consent of our Legislatures.
HE has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.
HE has combined with others to subject us to a Jurisdiction foreign to our Constitution, and unacknowledged by our Laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

FOR quartering large Bodies of Armed Troops among us:
FOR protecting them, by a mock Trial, from Punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:
FOR cutting off our Trade with all Parts of the World:
FOR imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:
FOR depriving us, in many Cases, of the Benefits of Trial by Jury:
FOR transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended Offences:
FOR abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an arbitrary Government, and enlarging its Boundaries, so as to render it at once an Example and fit Instrument for introducing the same absolute Rule into these Colonies:
FOR taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:
FOR suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with Power to legislate for us in all Cases whatsoever.

HE has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.
HE has plundered our Seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our Towns, and destroyed the Lives of our People.
HE is, at this Time, transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the Works of Death, Desolation, and Tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty and Perfidy, scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous Ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized Nation.
HE has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the Executioners of their Friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.
HE has excited domestic Insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the Inhabitants of our Frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known Rule of Warfare, is an undistinguished Destruction, of all Ages, Sexes and Conditions.

IN every stage of these Oppressions we have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble Terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated Injury. A Prince, whose Character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the Ruler of a free People.

NOR have we been wanting in Attentions to our British Brethren. We have warned them from Time to Time of Attempts by their Legislature to extend an unwarrantable Jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the Circumstances of our Emigration and Settlement here. We have appealed to their native Justice and Magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the Ties of our common Kindred to disavow these Usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our Connections and Correspondence. They too have been deaf to the Voice of Justice and of Consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the Necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of Mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace, Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the World for the Rectitude of our Intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly Publish and Declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be, Free and Independent States; that they are absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political Connection between them and the State of Great-Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. - And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm Reliance on the Protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.

Fertile Left-Overs

Yeah. So, it's a vlog. From me.

SHOCKING!

It's a little long. Plus? It's all backwards. I'm still figuring out this whole movie-making process. Apologies.



PS I know I said it would be "live and uncut" but my computer crapped out half-way through, so I had to squish two videos together. Sue me.

The Brave One

Yesterday, I took all three kids to the grocery store. For the first time. Ever.

In the past, I would get my mother-in-law to look after the kids once a week so I could make a quick food run. And this past year, I took J-man in the mornings while the twins were in school.

But this summer? There just hasn't been a good time. Ty-man has made quick after-work runs or one of us will pick up the necessities on the weekend. But to sit down, plan out a menu, and make a thorough weekly trip? Haven't done it. Because I've had all three kids.

So, after two weeks of eating out every night (You want Chili's? AGAIN?!?) and realizing that:

1) That's so very expensive, B) That's so very unhealthy, and iii.) That's so very tiresome, I broke open Recipe Manager, picked out a couple of recipes, loaded up the kids, and headed out to Kroger.

And that's when it happened. Once I herded all three little ones across the parking lot and loaded them into one of those carts that can hold two kids in the rear of the cart (near me) and two more kids in the plastic car (Bacteria! Viruses! PLAGUE!) attached to the front (Bubba's hour-long monologue included Beep! Beep! Look out!), we breezed in and began our plan-of-attack. And then the comments hit me left and right:

Wow! You've got quite the little tribe, there!
Oh, look at you! You're just so brave!
How do you do it with three little ones?
Are they triplets?
Really? The boy and girl are twins?!? I thought the two boys were twins!
What a brave lady!

The twins/triplets stuff didn't bother me. I've been dealing with that from day one with the twins' births and later when J-man got as big as his older brother.

What drove me nuts were the braves and the how do you do its. I mean, seriously? Am I the only person in the northwest metro-Atlanta 'burbs who goes grocery shopping with three toddlers? Really? And I'm not brave. Not at all. My sphincter was on high alert the whole time, waiting for one or more of them to lose their minds (which did happen with J-man when I took him out of the car so Miss-Miss could have a turn - oy).

But it's not bravery, not by any stretch of the imagination. It's no choice. It's either this or buy interest in the local Captain D's franchise. And I'm just not interested in getting fish batter all up in my hair.

Patriotic Spam

A few of you may have noticed the following tweet on Friday:

Person I don't know sent me spam about the military with a poem. Asked them not to, they got nasty, called me unpatriotic. I hate idiots.

That one tweet devolved my Friday into a series of e-mails, phone calls, investigation into HOA financials, and general fussing and faffing about.

This all started when I received the usual image-heavy/God-Bless-Our-Country/pass-this-along-to-9,000-of-your-closest-friends spam mail. I hate spam. And I especially hate spam that has been forwarded to 19 other people before getting to me, so that before I can even see the tear-jerker images and read the cheesy poem, I have to view the To:, From:, and Subject: lines of everyone else. And I really hate spam sent to me by total strangers who just assume everyone in their contact list loves spam of all shapes and sizes and just forwards this crap along willy-nilly.

So I did what any self-respecting hater-of-spam would do in this situation. I replied to the sender, informing them that I didn't know them and would prefer not to receive future spam chain letters.

And this? Is what I received in return:

I don't know how you got into my address book but I thought those therein (my friends) would be interested in patriotic information regarding the state of our wonderful country. Evidently you are not. Rest assured, I shall remove you from my address book immediately. Enjoy your life.

What? The frak. Like I snuck into his address book and tried to pass myself off as a friend. And then accused me of a lack of patriotism because I don't like forwarded spam e-mails that clog up my Inbox.

I? Lost it. And out of my keyboard came the following:

You know what? I don’t need your nastiness about my supposed lack of patriotism just because I don’t care for unsolicited spam in my Inbox, spam that contains large image files and clogs up my Internet connection. Spam that I didn't sign up for. I attended a military college. As did my husband. Several of our good friends serve in the military. We vote in every election and fly the American flag on the front of our home. We are about as patriotic as you can get. That is the last I have to say to you. Please, buggar off and don’t make assumptions about people simply because they request “No spam.” You, as well, enjoy your life.

Yeah. I was pissed. And then I racked my brain, trying to figure out who the heck this idiot was and how he got my address. I called my mom and let her know I'd ticked off a Red Hat friend. Nope. Wrong. And at that moment I paused and thought What if it's one of my neighbors? And sure enough, when I checked our HOA financial statement for May, there was the name of my culprit.

Yet another reason for me to want to run screaming from my neighborhood.

Do You Want a Beer?

I grew up in a typical, residential neighborhood in West Virginia. They were sixty-year-old homes (your typical three small bedrooms, one bathroom, single-level houses) that were nothing special, except for the people who lived in them. Across the street from us (and still living there to this day) were Clyde and Goldie. Seriously. Those are their names. They met as young barely-out-of-their-teens at the beginning of WWII and are just the sweetest people ever. And on their front porch is just the most awesome swing. We would sit on the swing and talk about WWII and Clyde's years in the Navy, and dish on the neighbors (GOD! Could Mrs. Hubbard's hair get any BLUER?). When I moved to Georgia I envied my mom and dad, and later just mom, and their time on Goldie's and Clyde's porch swing.

The Ty-man and I are currently in our second house since our wedding 14 years ago. And in neither home have we had our own Clyde and Goldie. We've never sat on our porch with neighbors or on the porches of others, sharing news of our lives, neighborhood gossip, and experiences.

Until last night. The HOA President (and my immediate next-door neighbor) and I have a lot to talk about and not just HOA BS. We both have interests in science (Me=physics, Her=chemistry), we read the same books, we have similar political philosophies, and we laugh about the same stupid crap. When I noticed that she and her husband were on their porch, I just damned the torpedoes and went over. And Mr. HOA President asked, Hey! You wanna beer?

And I drank that beer. I talked and commiserated and laughed and so did they. We sat on their front stoop and just were.

It wasn't a porch in West Virginia. There wasn't a swing. Neither Clyde nor Goldie were there. And we didn't talk about WWII or Mrs. Hubbard's blue hair. But that moment last night was just as good as all the other moments from my fading memory.

And I can't wait to have more.

What? What Did You Say?

I'm pretty sure my kids are deaf.

And after extensive and exhaustive research (read: watching my three hooligans for 24/7 over the past almost-four years) I'm pretty sure 99.999999% of all children are deaf. I believe the onset of said deafness begins at about age two and continues through the adolescent and teen years, gradually becoming selective. Eventually, the female half of the species loses the deafness altogether at about age 18, coinciding with the exit from the familial nest, and regains all hearing in both ears. Male selective deafness continues throughout life, until he learns that sex will be withheld or until he is beaten to death by his wife.

How do I know this? Example 1:

Bubba. Time to brush your teeth.
Bubba continues playing with no indication of having heard me.
Bubba! Let's brush your teeth! Come on!
Bubba turns, having sensed vibrations coming from my general vicinity, but obviously senses no danger and continues crashing his trains.
BUBBA! BRUSH! TEETH! NOW!
Bubba turns, looks, takes two steps forward, then is stopped by the scary look on my face. Finally, I make a strangled, gurgling noise as I run screaming from the house. Bubba? Merely looks on, confused.

Example 2:

Miss-Miss. Take your plate to the sink, please.
Miss-Miss plays with her hair.
Honey, take your plate to the sink, 'kay? Please?
Still, with the hair.
MISS-MISS! PLATE! SINK! NOW!
Miss-Miss sighs with resignation, gets down from the table, and takes her toy cookie to the playroom. I? Begin mumbling to myself.

Eventually, we all know how to work around the deaf child. We just do it all ourselves. Then, once it becomes selective (doesn't hear Take out the garbage but hears Watch TV just fine), you can negotiate with video games or water parks or, you know, bodily harm. But after this milestone has been attained, the irreversible side-effects have already taken their toll on the mother:

Gray hair.
Permanent frown-lines.
Permanent scowl.
Constantly repeating herself and mumbling to no one in particular.
Random fits of eye-rolling and frustrated sighing.

Please, everyone, be aware of these side-effects and remember the effective treatment:

Liquor.
Banging one's head on a brick wall.
Chocolate.
Repeated showings of anything starring Jensen Ackles.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go color my gray, eat some Godiva, and mumble at the floor.

Sod Off!

I hate solicitors. I'm too much of a wuss to say no to the college student selling newspaper subscriptions even though I loathe the local newspaper. And when the handyman ringing my doorbell looks like a serial killer? I still let him clean out my gutters for a ridiculous price. Of course, when the young Mormon missionaries visit, I just want to sit them down to a pot of coffee and to some Skinemax, even when I know the Jesus talk will inevitably follow.

And when they all leave, I'm bitter about the whole process. I'm pissed that I've just bought six months of the AJC that I'll never read. I'm irritated that those Jehovah's Witnesses just gave me a copy of The Watchtower that I'll throw away. And I've rolled my eyes at the handymurderer so many times that he's bound to come back at 2AM and set fire to my cats. I hate being mean to people. And I hate confrontation. And I can't stand having my doorbell rung when I'm in the middle of a diaper change.

So? I went the passive-aggressive route. Observe:


Yep. This sign hangs outside my door. And believe it or not? It works. I've seen people walk up to my door, clipboard in hand, pamphlets in pocket, reach for my doorbell, pause, then walk away. Quickly.

Please, feel free to copy it and hang it next to your door and watch the solicitations disappear!

Now, if I could just get rid of those pesky Republican National Committee phone calls...