22 January 2008

It's the Most Snotty Time of the Year!

Typically, I'm a fall/winter kind of gal. The hot, humid, oppressive Georgia summers are not my cup of coffee and I'd rather be cold and curled up in a blanket with a good book than be sticky, nasty, and hot, trying to cool off with ineffective AC and ice water.

Well, I may be coming around.

All three kids have colds.

Yes, you read it right.

Three noses = six nostrils = 3,000 gallons of snot. There is snot everywhere.

Where is everywhere?
  1. Snot just under their noses on their upper lips.
  2. Snot spread across their cheeks due to the hand swipe.
  3. Snot on the hands mentioned above.
  4. Snot on the sleeves of their shirts.
  5. Snot on the sleeves of my shirts.
  6. Snot on my shoulders (from carrying J-man).
  7. Snot on the floor (J-man is now crawling).
  8. Snot on their toys.
  9. Snot on their books.
  10. Snot on their food (yes, the snot is being consumed as a fifth food group).
This stuff is everywhere. The bulb syringe is getting a work-out and so are my hands because while I'm using said bulb syringe to suck all the snot out of their heads, I'm having to fight them - hold them down, grab their hands, and hold their heads in position so that I can suck out as much snot as possible. This helps for all of, oh, two minutes, because then the body realizes, "OH! Snot shortage! Ramp up production!" In the time it takes to rinse out the bulb syringe, wipe it off, and throw away the snot rags, their six nostrils are running again.

Le sigh.

You would think environmentalists could come up with a snot energy solution. Seriously. We can run our houses off solar power. Run our cars on ethanol. Cook our food with energy produced from methane (read: cow poo). You would think we could produce energy from snot.

Think about it. Colds would actually be a good thing. Hook your kids up to some kind of apparatus. Anytime they sniff, the action of the sniff not only gives off a few amps/watts/volts of electricity, but snot is collected and in some type of fusion reactor, the snot atoms are whirled around, slammed into one another, and a cheap energy alternative is created.

Le sigh deux.

I can't believe I'm about to say this.... but bring on summer!


Unknown said...

Stop! You're making me hungry. Hmmm, eggs benedict for breakfast?

Avitable said...

That's why you have effective AC. Then summer is awesome!

Miss Britt said...

Yes, I really started hating winter the most when I had kids.

Because aside from the snot? You have the boots on, coat on, mittens on, what do you mean you lost another pair of mittens?!?, where's your hat? NOW you have to pee?

Back in... boots off, mittens off - see that's why you lose them! don't throw them there!

The Ferryman said...

Yeah but...that's all you really have to do anyway, right?

Anonymous said...

My daughter had snot last week. I expect more next week!

B said...

I'm lovin' your idea of turning the snot into an energy source. And maybe it could be used to power the snot suckers so you don't have to work your hand to the point of getting carpul tunel syndrome (I have no idea how that word is spelled). Heather, come up with something, patent the idea, and become rich and famous! Then you can use it to run your AC effectively! Just think of all the possibilities. :)

Unknown said...

Here I was feeling overrun with snot from ONE little nose (or two nostrils, however you want to view it), but suddenly my troubles don't seem nearly so bad! Thanks for brightening my day! :D

And I hope you soon have reprieve from all the snot...

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Teri - Actually, yes. Eggs Benny sounds great! And don't forget to take your pill! :-)

Avitable - Summer is awesome, yes, but poor Britt probably hates having to see your gorilla butt cooling off in front of the AC vent! :-)

Britt - True. True. I haven't had to experience that yet.

Fab - Bite me.

Jen - Yep. Cold and flu season ends on tax day, according to my doc. Three months to go!

B - I KNOW! If they would quit whining, I'd come up with something!

Andrea - Glad to be of service! :-)

Not Afraid to Use It said...

LittleBird sneezed and snotted all over herself yesterday. My favorite was the in her hair snot rockets that made her look like she had dreads in the front. Yum-o.

Hey--did you see her skating pictures on that other blog? Tell me she isn't going to be trouble at sixteen.

Jean Knee said...

Hey. Brenda told me to come over here and take a look at your snot for energy idea. I love it and am awarding you "The Father Al :lets snot together for a cleaner future award

I wish I could do that photo shop stuff and have a cool pic but I can't

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

NATUI - Oh, serious trouble. But, hopefully, little bro will help keep her in line! :-) Snot dreads. Good one!

Jean - Thank you so much for the kind award! I'm working on the snot energy ideas. Something will come to mind, I know it!