05 March 2008

Open Letter 1

Many of these types of "open letters" seem to be popular on the blogosphere. So, I'm a joiner. I'll give it a go.

Dear Makers of the Winnie the Pooh Ride-on Bubble-Making Train:

Your train, I must admit, has provided hours of entertainment for my twins for over 18 months. They love it. My littlest one is learning to walk, so this train helps keep him upright during this endeavor. All three kids love pushing the buttons and listening to the music.


Like a bunch of childless idiots you obviously are, you didn't provide a volume control (as most other toys do - you have a choice of "loud" or "louder"). The volume on your train is set to "ear-splitting." And? The speaker is set on the top of the toy.

Really? You purposely designed this toy to piss off us parents? You enjoy amplifying my "four hours of sleep" headache with your ear-splitting train whistle? Seriously. Because when one of my kids pushes that gigantic orange button in the center of the stearing wheel? My first instinct is to throw the damned train through the f-ing window.

So, I've come up with a design modification for your product. Here are the materials:

Notice the ironic choice of Winnie the Pooh notepaper. Simply tear off a sheet of notepaper, fold in half, then half again. Place the folded paper over the speaker and tape down with about 90 strips of Scotch™ tape because we all know that two-year-old twins, when combining their brain power, could not only remove this paper, but also construct a nuclear warhead.

Please notice the modified speaker:

The obnoxious sound is greatly reduced, as is my headache.

Please take note of this design change and apply it to your future products. A second option is, of course, you coming over to my house and allowing me to staple your forehead to said speaker. That would not work as well, but would satisfy my sadistic sense of comeuppance.

Heather, frazzled and now-deaf mom of three


RiverPoet said...

I've never understood why kids toys have to be so loud! Isn't that bad for their hearing, not to mention for frazzled parents? And the sounds are always SO obnoxious.

Love the design idea, though. At least you didn't take out your tools and disassemble the whole shebang.


(now there's an idea...)

Peace (and quiet) - D

Avitable said...

Can I come over and just teach your kids to bang on pots with metal spoons?

Donna said...

I hear your pain (bwahahahaha . . . sometimes I just crack me up!)
I had a little Nemo car for my son like that, and he insisted on riding it when he really was too big for it - his knee kept bumping the 'swooshing water' lever as he road back and forth, back and forth, back an . . .
I took the batteries out!

Miss Britt said...

Does it have batteries?

I only buy toys that come with batteries which can be removed.

Anonymous said...

You put a pig in front and a cow behind, put them together and what do you find?

At least I can turn this damn thing off, but both kids know where the off/on switch is and keep putting the volume up HIGH. Makes me want to stab myself in the eye with a sharp knife.

I'd remove the batteries, but the kids actually screaming when the damn thing doesn't work is the lesser of the two evils.

Anonymous said...

I meant that the noise from the toy is the lesser of two evils...whatever.

Mrs. Booms said...

Toy makers are an evil breed.

HEATHER said...

Well, being the evil mom that I am, I figured out that many of these toys can be taken apart. So any of Paddycakes toys that were too loud, I opened them up and placed a folded up tissue or piece of cotton right on top of the speaker and then put it right back together. The sound was thankfully muffled to an acceptable level. See if you can open that little train up.
Could the lack of sleep be the result of late night Girl Scout Cookie raids? Thought so!!
Hope you feel better soon!
Heather Page

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Momma - I think it's an X-Files-type conspiracy, led by the Warren Commission, to purposefully deaden our senses.

Avitable - I would have to kill you.

Donna - If I took the batteries out, there would be mutiny!

Britt - See above.

MommyCosm - My kids are the same way!

Betsey - Yes, yes they are.

Other Heather - Oooooo, toy destruction in the name of killing the sound... I like! I like!

Ok, Where Was I? said...

I hate this about some toys. It's like it didn't occur to them to test it in an average house, and instead they did it in an enormous factory full of working machines. What? I can't hear it--we better make it louder! I use something similar: duct tape and paper towel.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

Dude, I so hear you. Loving your solution. And MommyCosm and I seem to have the same albatross in our kitchens.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

OK, Where Was I? - Oh, paper towel. Better sound-absorption. I like it. Or maybe gauze? I'll have to try that...

NATUI - I think I might have to do a little project tomorrow, muffling ALL the toy speakers. :-) Care to join? :-)