12 June 2008

CMG Imponderables, Part 2

Yeah, I know. Only took me two-and-a-half months to get back around to my imponderables. I know you've all been waiting with bated breath (OK, maybe not - maybe you totally forgot about part 1 - I get it) so here goes.

Imponderable #5 (continuing the count from part 1): Why is it when I look in the mirror, I realize I have a few pounds to lose around the middle, that whole three kids really screwed up the abdomen thing, but then when I see a picture of me? Dang. White, pasty, with mommy belly and thighs. Ish. Even my face has a little chub to it. I'm getting rid of the mirrors. They lie!

Imponderable #6: What is it about family members who come out of the woodwork when they want something? Hi, yeah Uncle R. Granted, I know you're in your 80s, have osteoporosis, are suffering from prostate cancer and might have lung cancer. So basically you're just one step away from the grave. But you? Wanting old family pictures? In my possession? Um, let me think. NO! The majority of my childhood photos are in slide-form, in your possession. So send those to me and you get the pictures of your 'rents. Oh, and? I have two hours a day for me time. You, my friend, are at the bottom of my list.

Damn, I'm evil aren't I?

Imponderable #7: Why did it thunder for two solid hours yesterday evening with no rain? I mean, what's up with that? What a huge tease. Oh, hi, all you drought-stricken southerners? Yeah, not only are you not gonna get rain? But I'm gonna tease you endlessly. I just roll that way. Love, God/Allah/Mother Nature. Sheesh.

Imponderable #8: How is it that the youngest child in the house (J-man, 13-months) can move the fastest toward the one thing in the room he's not supposed to touch, before I even have a chance to get said thing and put it out of reach? I'll never forget the twins running toward the covered electrical outlets. Covered. White. No sparkling, light-up, moving parts. Yet that's what they would gravitate towards. Now? J-man will zone in on the one thing he can swallow and shove it in his mouth before I can even lurch toward him. Guh. Yeah, um, DFACS? Obviously my child is faster than me and I can't handle him. Yep, that's my address. Go ahead and pick him up this afternoon. Thanks.

Feel free to ask your imponderables in the comments section. I'm pretty sure I can't answer them, but I can surely commiserate!

10 comments:

Jenn said...

My imponderables are a) how does the kid KNOW the exact moment your head hits the pillow, and WHY OH WHY must he always wake up at that moment?

b) why is it that I weigh less than I did before I got pregnant, but my pre-preggars pants STILL don't fit??

Thats all! Loved yours...you crack me up!

Avitable said...

I think getting rid of the mirrors is a wise idea. They do lie!

Donna said...

I'm sure I have a good imponderable in my brain some where, but it's really not functioning today.

Yours were great and I LMAO at Walmart when I got your tweet via mobile regarding the two hour foreplay without orgasm from your thunderstorm.

Employee No. 3699 said...

Why is it I wake up at the crack of dawn on the weekend when I don't have to? The alarm is not set, the room-darkening blinds are drawn and the phone is not ringing.

Bina said...

Here via Miss Britt, and I am SO with you on #5. I don't understand what the problem is. I mean, I don't have trick mirrors. Maybe it's the cameras!!!

Not Afraid to Use It said...

Dude, it POURED down here yesterday. I got great pics of the kidlets. That had a blast running in it! LOL

As for the photo thing? Tit for tat, baby. And make sure you have copies made for yourself before you send him the originals.

That Chick Over There said...

I have the same issue with mirrors! Screw them!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Jenn - It's a hormonal release thing. Their bodies sense you're going to sleep and hormone is release causing crying. Seriously. And? Your second imponderable? God has a nasty sense of humor.

Avitable - Total liars. Can I ship them to your house?

Donna - Hee hee! Glad I made you laugh!

Employee 3699 - Unfortunately, it's because you're dreaming about Avitable and the nightmarish image of him naked with his gorilla hair wakes you up every time!

Bina - Thanks for coming by! Cameras and mirror are all lying bastards. It's the Chinese factory workers' faults!

NATUI - Fine, rub it in that you got rain. I see how it goes. And, yeah, I'll be scanning in all those puppies before they get sent out.

That Chick - Send them all to Avitable!

Gypsy said...

Why is it that time seems to be moving backwards today?

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Gypsy - Did you travel through a black hole? That could be it. Or a cosmic string. Those are nasty little fuckers.