My Son, the Poop Bandit

So there I was on a roll, cleaning like a madwoman. I was vacuuming, mopping, cleaning counter tops - hell, I even cleaned windows. Yeah. That kind of roll. I didn't know what was going on but a cleaning bug must have crawled up my butt or latched onto my spine just below my skull because I was all about the cleaning thing on Wednesday.

Well, Karma is a bitch and she decided that there was too much clean around here. She decided there needed to be a balance to all the clean. So, she sent in her pinch hitter to take care of that.

I went upstairs to check on J-man at the end of his afternoon nap. He had been quiet for two solid hours. Bliss. I walk in, he's sitting up happily chewing on his pacifier, holding his cat toy. There's his dragon, his other pacifier, and... what's that?

There's a spot. No, there's two. Three. And. They're. Brown.

OMFGBBQ! It's poop! All over the place!

On his leg, in his hair!
On his paci! Everywhere!
(Yes. I sound like Dr. Seuss. Quite appropriate, don't you think?)

Child + poop at the consistency of room temperature cake frosting + gaping diaper = no more clean

Poo was on the front of the paci in his mouth and all over the paci he was holding in his hand.

Oh. My. God. All I could think was that he was going to come down with every friggin' disease known to man.

I carried him, all four pacifiers, and kitty toy to the bath tub. He's wailing, twins are downstairs fussing, I'm muttering, and poop is floating in the tub.

All you mothers know what I'm talking about. You've been here before. Hell, I've been here twice already. It just struck me as funny that this came at the end of a day of cleaning.

All turned out well. J-man was bathed, the sheets, clothes, and kitty toy came out of the washer and dryer clean and fluffy, the tub was Cloroxed, the pacifiers were promptly boiled in water hot enough to melt the skin off my hands, and Karma got her wish.

As for my kid coming down with e-coli/typhoid/plague/poop crud? I'll keep you posted.