19 August 2008

The Ty-man is on the Edge

The Ty-man is a bit stressed. He's not a happy camper. He's on the verge of a panic attack.

The Ty-man. Yeah.

For those of you who know him, this is so rare that it's never happened. Never.

All I know is that through two phone calls yesterday afternoon and when he later came home from work, this was the gist of our conversations together:

Me: Hey, hon. How's it going?
Ty: Gah! Stuff! Spreadsheets! Contracts! Shit!*
Me: Really? Have you eaten lunch? I just had a homemade ham and smoked Gouda with lettuce, tomato, and Grey Poupon on sourdough.**
Ty: Crackers! Meetings! D.C.! Sonuva! No time! Rabbit hole!
Me: OK. Well, let me know if you need anything. I'm gonna have some chocolate truffles.
Ty: Brain enema! No time! Motherpussbucket!*** One week!
Me: Whatever. I don't have time for all this bitching. I need to give myself a pedicure while the twins are napping. Soap operas!
Ty: Christonabike! Money! Contractors! Work! GAH! (Strangling noises in the background as he hung up.)

So, basically, the family business (being run by Ty-man) is over-run with government contract issues, meetings, and such. Ty is feeling a bit overwhelmed in a way that freaks me out. So, please, send ma man some love (or Xanax) and tell him he's a strong, virile man who can kick his customers' collective asses all the way to the bank account.

Or, just copy him some Lolcats pictures. Yep, that should do it.

* The Ty-man never cusses. Unless he misses an episode of the digitally remastered Star Trek: The Original Series.

** Not really. I actually had a grilled cheese and whatever of J-man's PB&J he slobbered on and offered to me with much reverence, but I imagined it was all the aforementioned ham/Gouda masterpiece.

*** Don't ask.

12 comments:

MommyCosm said...

What a perfect picture to accompany the post.

Hope things settle down soon for you. It's no fun to have a stressed out, distracted hubby. Been there. Mine swears a bit more though.

Damn, NOW I want a homemade ham and smoked Gouda with lettuce, tomato, and Grey Poupon on sourdough. I might have to go to Aruba to get the GOOD Gouda though.

Miss Britt said...

He NEVER cusses?

Well, that's his problem right there.

Tuli said...

Give the man some cussin' lessons and one of those delicious sandwiches (I'm hungry for lunch now and it's only 9:30 a.m.).

Email to Ty-man sent!

Bucky said...

I agree, the not cussing is his problem. Watch it around the kids, but let 'er fly everywhere else.

Avitable said...

I feel his pain.

Employee No. 3699 said...

Yeah, he needs to learn some good cuss words. How 'bout we all use that link you have set up to email him a list of our favorites???

penny said...

The first thing I thought of was the movie Parenthood. Cause I think he might need more than cussing lessons (though I'm sure that would help).

Oh, wait, is this blog PG?

Molly's Mom said...

Oof. I hate when my hubs gets stressed, because he's the one that usually has the cooler perspective in the BAR household. Hopefully it all clears up soon, and he doesn't get stressed out by all the emails ;)

Not Afraid To Use It said...

Yikes. Sounds pretty stressful all around. Screw the cussing. Maybe have him drive a Ferrari through a plate glass garage window?

A Free Man said...

I'm right in the same zone as your guy right now. I've currently got this twitch in my right temple that I'm pretty sure means I'm going to explode any second.

Can I tell you how much I hate those bloody cats. Primarily because of the slaughter of my mother tongue that they employ. And the cats.

Gypsy said...

Poor Ty. Know what helps with stress? Oral sex. Just sayin'.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

MommyCosm - Found it on http://www.despair.com. They are awesome! He's starting to feel better. Thanks!

Britt - Hardly ever. Like, when he breaks out "fuck" the world stops. Literally.

Tuli - Thanks for e-mailing him, hon!

Bucky - That's what I keep telling him.

Avitable - You two should hang.

Employee No. 3699 - You can do that!

Penny - HA! Car blow job! HA!

Molly's Mom - Exactly! Ty's the cooler head and when he freaks? I just want to run away because it's the impending apocalypse.

NATUI - HA! That would actually probably send him to the padded room. :)

A Free Man - His twitch is in his eye. Horrible.

Gypsy - Awright. Between you and Penny. :)