09 October 2008

CMG Imponderables, Part 4

Imponderable #13: Why, why, oh why in marriage Hell, do one or more of the kids decide to cry out in the middle of the night during the one evening of the year* when the Ty-man and I decide to get jiggy? We're all happily gettin' our groove on, it's a crucial moment, and then BAM! We hear it over the monitor, WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! And there we are, trying to decide Do we finish? Do we calm the kid down? And we decide to finish. And the kid screams even harder, which just murders the mood. And by the time we get our PJs back on and calmly walk in to the kids' room like nothing is amiss, all is quiet and the mood is just squashed.

Birth control, people. Sweet, agonizing birth control.

Imponderable #14:
Why is Mike Rowe so damned sexy? Seriously. I watch Dirty Jobs whenever I can. He's always covered in schmutz with his arm shoved up the backside of various mammals and yet, even while he's artificially inseminating turkeys or coming out butt-first from a steam boiler, he is smokin' fine. Rawr! Sorry Sean. You may be replaced. Or in a tie. I haven't decided. Could possibly be a three-way with Jensen Ackles. Plus? Mike is only ten years older than me. Sean is one year older than my father. That is starting to creep me out.

Imponderable #15: What the hell? Why can't people spell? Why do I get an e-mail from my subdivision's social committee about our Fall Festival and Bizarre? Bizarre? OK. People in my subdivision who happen to read my blog, please, for the love of all that is chocolate, read my lips. Bizarre is an adjective and means markedly unusual in appearance, style, or general character and often involving incongruous or unexpected elements, outrageously or whimsically strange, odd. So, what you sent out reads Fall Festival and Odd. Did you mean that? No. What I think you meant was Fall Festival and Bazaar as in Fall Festival and Marketplace. If you're going to be the social committee member responsible for sending out e-mails, why don't you invest in a dictionary? PLEASE?!?

Imponerable #16: In reference to the above imponderable, why isn't it legal to beat the snot out of people who massacre the English language? My first act as President of the Universe...

*Oh, yeah. Like I only have sex once a year. Come on! As if?!? You actually believe that we only have sex once a year? It's more than that! We have sex at least one, two.... TWICE a year!

16 comments:

Employee No. 3699 said...

#14 I would have turned off the monitor and then finished.

#15 I agree with the Sean thing. He used to be hot, now he's too old.

#16 How about a Bizarre Bazaar?

#17 You have my vote...

Miss Britt said...

You still leave the monitor on during sex??

Oh hell no. Door locked, monitor off. It's almost as important as birth control.

Almost.

Tuli said...

I don't have cable TV so I don't get to see much of Mike Rowe. I have to content myself with watching the Discovery Channel Boom-de-yada video on youtube. I LOVE the two second shot of him "I love real dirty things."

*sigh*

Not Afraid to Use It said...

Amen to the sex thing. The kids just KNOW. It is their way to telling you "We don't want any more siblings!!" LOL

And Mike Rowe? Can you please share? He is totally rockin'. Even LittleBird asks to watch Dirty Jobs. I'd give him a job any day.

metalmom said...

STOP USING THE HANDCUFFS!

They tend to clank on the headboard and that wakes the kids and merriment ensues....

Not that I know from experience or anything...it was something that I heard....maybe from Britt!

HEATHER said...

You think that's bad, just wait until one of the little darlings decides to give up his bed and sleep between you and Ty-man!
Um yeah, that's the hell I live in. It's gotten so bad we put an air mattress in the garage so we can get our jiggy on!

Trukindog said...

Dear C.M.G.
You would love to beat the snot out of me then besause I HATE the spelling of the english language. Why have two different spellings for one word? You as an intelligent person (new) what it (ment) when you (red) it (rite)?

OK I'll quit now...but I really do hate it. :)

A Free Man said...

Bad spelling is my pet peave.

KIDDING! Peeve. Bad spelling really does piss me off.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Employee No. 3699 - So, you can be my campaign manager, right? :)

Britt - Not anymore!

Tuli - Oh, honey. Start watching clips of him on Discovery.com. Worth every second.

NATUI - I would totally share Mike Rowe with you. :)

MetalMom - HA!

Other Heather - Oh. Lord. If that happens you can peel me off the ceiling and ship me off to the loony bin. Seriously.

Trukindog - Bend over, m'dear. The canings will now begin. :)

A Free Man - I'm there with you. And it always chaps my ass when I see that I've misspelled something in a comment or a post. Grrrr.

Molly's Mom said...

I am also HOT for Mike Rowe. Not only is he smokin' hot, his voice gets me. Mmmmm.

Bizarre! Bwahaha! Gotta love morons! ;)

Bucky said...

Dirty jobs is a superb show. I don't have a thing for Mike Rowe, but I'm not hatin'.

Gypsy said...

Imponderable #14 is reason number nine hundred and forty-seven why we don't have kids. ;)

Vulgar Wizard said...

Have you laid eyes upon Mike Holmes by chance? Mmmmmm, Canadian Bacon.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Molly's Mom - He does have a great voice. Wonderful singer. :)

Bucky - Hey. That's cool. The wife would be worried if you did have a thing for him. :)

Gypsy - HA!

Vulgar Wizard - Mike Holmes? Nope. Must investigate...

Toasty said...

Yeah, no monitor during sex! I hate it when people write "your" instead of "you're"...

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Toasty - I think we've learned our lesson with the monitor. I told Ty-man about all the comments and he said, "But we'll be neglecting them if the monitor is off!" and my response was, "But everybody else does it and has given us permission to turn them off!!!" Heh. And the "their" and "they're" thing gets me every time.