07 October 2008

I'm Old

Ten inescapable truths learned at a bachelorette/lingerie shower for a 23-year-old bride, heavily attended by her young-20s friends:

10. No one understood the origins behind the phrase the rabbit died as pertaining to pregnancy.*

9. It is possible to play too many shower games.**

8. Margaritas made with Minute Maid Limeade? Are nasty.

7. Did you know that talking about childbirth at a bachelorette party can kill the mood? Whoops...

6. Clunky Dr. Marten sandals look sooo 1990s. And show my age.

5. The best part of the party was giving the bachelorette flavored massage oils. Massage oils I purchased at a local sex shop. With my mom in tow. My 68-year-old mom who had never been to a sex shop in her life. Yeah, it was awesome.

4. Penis water guns are hysterical. If you put milk in them.

3. The drunken bachelor, showing up at 11:30PM to shove his face into a boob cake, is hysterical no matter how tired and sober I was.

2. Young, drunk boys are no longer cute and endearing. They're scary and smelly.

1. Damn. I'm old.

* And if you had to click on that link? I'm kicking your young ass.
** God, I hope the picture of me with a can of silly string in between my thighs, aiming for a paper plate on the floor, gets deleted from the three cameras used that night. My 2032 Presidential campaign is down the shitter now. Dang.

15 comments:

HEATHER said...

Well, #10 is just SAD!!
And #1 sadly dear I'm right there with ya!
;-)

A Free Man said...

You're not old, because if you're old then I'm old and I'm definitely not old. Definitely. Not.

Willie G said...

** Now that's a picture I would pay to see, right along with your prom pictures. :-)

Bucky said...

You could have put mayonnaise in the penis water guns for even more squirting fun!

Miss Britt said...

I clicked the link.

And you're not much older than me.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

I hate to say that I clicked the link, too. Blame it on my Catholic upbringing. You can't talk about a rabbit test if you don't have the sex talk.

Avitable said...

I have never heard the rabbit thing, and I'm not THAT much younger than you.

Employee No. 3699 said...

I totally got #1. Yeah, I'm old.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Other Heather - #10 is sad. Tragic, even.

A Free Man - Yessir. You're not old. Neither am I. :)

Willie G - Good Lord, no. Burn them! Burn them all!

Bucky - Awesome idea! Horrible mess...

Britt - Thank God for that.

NATUI - You sheltered woman, you!

Avitable - You just clicked on it so I would kick your ass. Freak.

Employee No. 3699 - Join the crowd, hon. :)

Gypsy said...

Number 4? Hysterical.

.:| Melissa |:. said...

Well for one, when I was 23, I'd been married FIVE years, and had 3 kids!!!! So, uh. I guess this don't pertain to me, at ALL!! ROFLMAO

Just droppin by to say HEY!! I've been outta the loop for a bit!! I've been in my own "toddler hell", since the end of August! Babysitting my (almost) 4 yr old niece for my baby sis, again!! Well, it's not really "hell", except for the "kids channels" that stay on my TV ALL FREAKIN DAY!! LOL Well that, and the I HAVE to get up at 6:35 am and STAY THE FUCK UP ALL DAMNED DAY!! Girl won't take a nap to save MY life!! ROFLMAO Yea, so I's tired LOTS, and don't do much readin, since reading kinda puts me to sleep!! No matter how good the readin is!! LOL

Just wanted you to know I's thinkin about'cha!!

*hugz*

Molly's Mom said...

I'd so be the mood killer with #7. I love telling the story about how my crotch felt like it was hanging to my knees and swaying in the breeze the first time I got up to pee after squeezing out a 9 pounder (in 32 minutes thankyouverymuch!

I never THOUGHT about putting milk in a penis water gun...have to remember that for the next bachelorette party I go to... ;)

creative-type dad said...

#5 is just disturbing...

And yes, I'm old too. Young people annoy me most of the time.

Toasty said...

How could these people not know about the rabbit test?! I'm not that old, but I saw them perform a rabbit-ectomy on an episode (rerun, thank you very much) of MASH... so they wouldn't kill the rabbit.
And I found a GREAT recipe for margaritas which does involve frozen limeade concentrate, among other things. Let me know if you want it... it's yum!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Gypsy - Isn't it? :)

Melissa - No worries, hon! I understand about the whole lack-of-sleep thing. :) Come when you can!

Molly's Mom - TMI! TMI! TMI! :)

Creative-Type Dad - It was truly disturbing. My mom was twitching.

Toasty - Hawkeye rawked!