Do any of you remember this commercial?
It's pretty much the way I feel. Every. Damned. Day.
And I know. I know. I'm not alone. Most stay-at-home-moms, unless they are Stepford robots, feel the same way. And I know it's best to get it out and talk about it.
But what's the point? I mean, I can sit and bitch and moan and whine and cry but I still have to get right back into the thick of it. I still have to deal with the fact that I'm performing the most thankless job on the planet. And that I feel invisible.
I'm calling my psychologist/psychiatrist tomorrow. I honestly don't know if medication can help me feel normal, help me deal with the fact that I'm tired. Uneven.
Not present.
Who Am I?
- Coal Miner's Granddaughter
- I am the 40-ish granddaughter of Frank (see header), a fiddle-playing coal miner from West Virginia. I was born and raised in said state and have lived in Georgia since 1994. I have a wonderful husband, three beautiful kids, one cranky cat, and one anxiety-ridden dog.
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Confessions of a Coal Miner's Granddaughter by Coal Miner's Granddaughter is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 United States License.
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11 comments:
I am so sorry that you feel that way. You certainly aren't invisible to me.
(((HUGS)))
I was only a stay at home mum for 11 months and I seriously thought I was going crazy for awhile. You are right, most people don't say anything and yet so many mums feel invisible and removed from social contact. I don't understand why mums wont talk about it, I think it makes them feel like they are a bad mum. Not long after baby Z was born, I saw a counselor once a week. She was brilliant. She taught me so much about myself. It got me through a pretty tough time. Go talk to someone if you can, it can't hurt and will probably help.
Also, thank you for the gifts for Boy Z. The books are brilliant, I never knew such a thing existed. I am surprised that Chris hadn't ordered them. As for the clothes, you will see evidence of him wearing them this coming weekend! He only knows red and black on football weekends.
It's terrible to feel that way and I know that a lot of SAHMs go through this every now and again.
I know that when I gave up my career to stay at home with my girls (they were just entering junior high school) because I wanted to be there for the most important school years of their life, at times I resented it (being a SAHM) and them.
For me, a large part of it was that I had a career and had the opportunity to have adult conversation, were with people who knew how to be considerate enough to clean up after themselves, and never made me feel like the only reason I was put on the face of this earth was to take care of their every needs and wants. Meanwhile, letting who I was slip farther and farther away until I felt like like, well as though I was invisible.
It does get better. But the key for me was to have an outlet (therapist) who allowed me to learn the tools I needed to get back who I really was and still be a successful SAHM.
You will too.
Oh, sweetie. I don't know what to say except that eventually the kids get older and things become less about your constant care and intervention. It's easy for me to say this now, but you can think of this phase as your service phase. You are giving selflessly to your family (been there, done that). But I never got as depressed in my life as when I was feeling invisible and hopeless, like that time would never end.
You're doing the right thing, calling your shrink. Better that than to have a nervous breakdown. I can sense the helplessness in your posts lately. Sending you virtual hugs!
Peace - D
I find these feels are the worst after I have had company or have been to visit someone. You realize how good it feels to interact with adults all day long, and then when you are thrown back into the world of diaper and highchair hell, the feelings of being isolated are even more acute. Sending you love of love, hon.
I really hate that this is a recurring feeling for you. I wish you didn't feel so GUILTY about NEEDING more.
Is it at ALL possible that you could get a part time job or something?
Sometimes you have to pull out a box,set it front of the TV and shout "Hey! I'm still here!!" for a split second, they will notice and wonder what the fuck is your problem? Then they'll tell you to get out of the way.
I'm sorry that you feel invisible and I really hope the doctor can help you. (Mine helped me...ALOT!)
Other Heather - Thank you, darlin'!
Dr. O'C - I think you're right about feeling like a bad mom. If you say that you're kids drive you nuts and you want to get away from them, then I think people frown on you, even though they're probably feeling the same way. And you're most welcome for Boy Z's gifts. :)
Mattie - I feel the exact same way. Resentment. And that leads me to feeling guilty. I know it will get easier. I know. It's hard to realize that when you're in the thick of it.
RiverPoet - Thanks for the hugs, darlin'! Much love!
NATUI - You're so right. It's almost like coming back from time off or an evening off is worse for me because I'm sad for the ending of the break. Thanks for the love.
Britt - I could. But then I wonder if I would feel worse about leaving them with a sitter than just dealing with it for two more years until J-man is in pre-school and I can work guilt-free. I don't know.
MetalMom - I might try that this afternoon. All this mumbling under my breath obviously isn't working. :)
Oh honey, I'm so sorry.
I think you kick ass. Does that help?
Okay, probably not. But I still think it.
FWIW, I was totally not cut out to be a stay-at-home mom. And I am totally not ashamed of that. I'm a GREAT mom. Or at least my kids think so.
When I became a SAHM I was only seventeen. I didn't have a chance yet to already have a career or a life of my own as an adult. Even though that probably made it easier because I wasn't aware of what I was missing, I still sometimes felt as though I was just a mother and wife, and nothing more.
They're just words to you right now when someone says, "It will get better." But...it will. As your children get older things will change.
Keep in sight that you do have things that are unique to you. Your scuba diving, ghost hunting, blogging, etc. These are things that YOU do. Your ghosts may be invisible, but you are not.
That Chick Over There - It does help, hon. It does. And I should come to your house for twin-mom lessons. Because? You are an awesome mom. :)
Employee No. 3699 - Hopefully the ghosts won't stay invisible for long. :) Thanks, hon.
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