What Not To Watch When You're Sick

OR

How To Totally Rot Your Brain While Simultaneously Coughing Up Your Lungs

So, there I was, actually taking a sick day! Well, more like a sick afternoon. OK. OK. It was more like a sick-fiver. Regardless, I was extremely lucky that my Betty-in-law came by Friday afternoon to run kid-interference while I parked my viral plague on the upstairs couch with some HBO.

First, there was Norbit*. OK, that? Was a scary movie. Eddie Murphy in a morbidly-obese suit, in drag, playing an evil woman named Rasputia. And? In Asian white-face as Mr. W(r)ong. Wow. Coupled with the Mucinex-D, this was one, two-hour trip I would rather forget. Eddie, Eddie, what have you done for me lately? I can't keep renting Raw and Beverly Hills Cop! You need to do something worthwhile! PLEASE! I'm begging you!

Continuing with the "men in large drag" theme, I watched/napped through Hairspray, starring John Travolta doing his Grease thing in dresses and 30 extra pounds of rubber, Zac Efron doing his High School Musical 1-3 thing with an Elvis Presley hair style, and Michelle Pfeiffer doing her Grease 2 thing with crow's feet.

I rounded out the evening with "Eleven Men in Disguises" - a.k.a. Ocean's Thirteen. Saw Ocean's Eleven. Loved it. Worshiped it. Brad Pitt? Eating food in nearly every scene? Pure. Genius. Never saw Ocean's Twelve. Heard it sucked. Thirteen? Meh. Don Cheadle in an Evel Knievel suit was pretty damned funny. Matt Damon wearing a Cyrano de Bergerac-esque nose was quite comical. And Brad Pitt wearing, well, anything and everything, was heavenly. But overall? Meh.

So, my recommendation to all of you, dear readers, is that if you find yourself hacking and snotting in the days to come, it's better to go ahead and pre-rent the James Bond section of your local Blockbuster and spend a fun, fever-filled, 24 hours with Sean, George, Roger, Timothy, Pierce, and Daniel.

Sigh.

*Hey! Back off! I was sick!