19 February 2009

Open Letter 8

Dear Idiot Weaving In and Out of Traffic, Doing 90 mph on I-75N in South Georgia:
Yep. Hope you enjoy fusion. Because you will end up fusing your reckless ass into someone else's car. And it will be horrible. And there will be death. And I'm just thankful that you missed us by a mile.

Regards,
Thankful to be Alive and With My Kids

Dear Family(ies) at Magic Kingdom with the 3-Year-Old Toddler(s):
Your precious angels? Are melting down at 2PM because they need to nap. You have run them ragged, all over that park, for the past four hours and they are exhausted. I know this because I'm thirtyshmzzzfpt and I'm frakking knackered. Go back to your hotel and call it a day. Puleeze! For the love of Walt.

Sincerely,
Glad I Left My 3-Year-Olds at Home

Dear Couple Sitting Next to Us at the Epcot Germany Biergarten Restaurant:
OK. Wait. Dude is American. Chick is Ukrainian. Chick just got here two months ago. Is she your mail order bride or what? You can tell me! I won't snort too much Riesling through my nose. Pinky swear!

PPH,
Mail-Order Marriages Give Me the Willies

Dear Universal Park in Orlando:
Thanks for the roller coasters. Thanks for the Thing 1/2/3/4 t-shirts. Thanks for the more adult attractions. But seriously. Disney has got you smoked on the whole "cleaning up garbage in a timely manner" bit. Figure it out. It's nasty.

Cheers!
Used My Hand Sanitizer Every Five Seconds

Dear Ghost Hunters:
DUDE! THERE'S THIS HAUNTED MANSION! IN THE MAGIC KINGDOM! WITH 999 GHOSTS! YOU SHOULD GO CHECK IT OUT! SRSLY!

LOVE,
UR BIGGEST, FREAKIEST FAN!

9 comments:

Avitable said...

Driving 90 through traffic is not reckless if you know how to drive.

sybil law said...

About a year ago, some douchebag was doing at least 120 in a Cadillac - in fricking BACKED UP TRAFFIC. It was insane and he narrowly missed me and obviously, several other people. I hear that one loud and clear. Otherwise, I agree with Adam!
the rest was just damned funny.
:)

jessx said...

yes, call TAPS and i think you should be a guest investigator.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

Welcome back to traffic in the ATL. :)

Ashlie- Mommycosm said...

LOL!

I've missed you! So glad you back :)

Giggle Pixie said...

There was a guy at this place I worked who actually ordered a Russian mail order bride. DIS-GUSTING!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Avitable - Not when he's making his own third lane, tail gating at at least 80mph, and just generally being a stupid, idiotic fucker.

Sybil Law - Don't agree with Adam too much, though. Big head. :)

JessX - HA! Wouldn't that be kick-ass!

NATUI - Ah, yes. Hell on Earth.

MommyCosm - Me, too. :)

Giggle Pixie - Ewwwww!

Avitable said...

Obviously, Ty just needs to learn to drive better!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Avitable - That and not listen to his "nag"igator. :)