20 May 2009

This Blows

I hate being an adult, a responsible, grown-up who makes sensible, well-thought decisions.

It sucks donkey balls.

A while back, I lamented the fact that I asked for a washer and dryer for Christmas when, at the beginning of my marriage I distinctly remember stating that the giving of any appliance to any woman as a gift is a no-no tantamount to selling government secrets to the Evil Empire. But I asked for the washer and dryer, and I creamed the old set, and I smiled and jumped up and down, and was ecstatic. Happy.

Back in 2004 B.K. (Before Kids) I haughtily stated I have to scuba dive in Bonaire once a year or I'm just not right. Well, yeah, I know I'm not right in a general sense, but I lived for those six days each year when I could get on the reefs of Bonaire and float.

Not only have I not seen Bonaire in five years? I just voluntarily, without provocation, and of my own free will e-mailed the Ty-man the following:

I’m wondering if you and I can have a “stay”cation this year. As much as I want to go diving or go to the beach, we really can’t afford it. Plus? There is a lot of stuff that needs to be done around the house. For example, these wood floors really need to be waxed/buffed/whatever it is you do to hardwoods to make them look not so crappy. We need all the carpets cleaned, the garage cleaned out, yadda, yadda. Stuff like that. And if we could get the kids out of here for seven days, we could get it done. What do you think? Do you think your parents would go for it?

Seriously. That came out of me. The OMFGBBQ get me to the beach before someone gets skewered has been replaced with Sure. Whatever. We'll stay at home and clean the frakking house.

I don't understand it. I used to rail against people who got excited about cleaning the house. I would mumble under my breath about losers who asked for dishwashers for their birthday and then turned around and spent money on a couch instead of a trip to the beach. And now? I'm one of them. I'm one of those people. I shudder to consider that I've finally arrived. That I'm adult. That I'm looking forward to getting my house in order with nary a grain of sand or a drop of seawater in sight.

Somebody get over here and deprogram me. Quick. Because I'm obviously getting worse.

15 comments:

HEATHER said...

Next thing you know you will buying the Vera Bradley purses and mom jeans! LOL!!
In all seriousness, I get it. I hate it, but sadly I'm right there with you.
I suggest we buy a convertible and go cruising around to bad eighties hair metal, that's the only cure. LOL!

Turnbaby said...

LOL--don't worry--you'll find yourself again

sybil law said...

Haha!
I know exactly how you feel.
Make some margaritas while you're cleaning, and turn up the heat, swim in the bath...
Yeah - it sucks.
:)

Denise said...

To my beautiful sister-friend, Heather:

You know that you wouldn't be able to live with yourself knowing that you had put your family in debt for a vacation. But more importantly, it is okay that you hate feeling responsible sometimes. THAT is how we know you are normal. It is those baby's-mamas who have no conscience that never feel bad when their house and children are unkempt while they get their hair & nails done and shop. And you are no baby's-mama. :-) Since Lunatic Heather (may I call you that KY Heather?)started us off testifying - I got a new vacuum for my anniversary and was sooooo excited. Can I get a seat in the back of that convertible? I'll bring the Skid Row CD!

Just try to remember that this is an investment in the future. The fact that you blog and have the twins in preschool shows that you haven't completely allowed your identity to be eclipsed. But more importantly, after each day of household chores it will be just you and Ty-man.(wink, wink, nudge, nudge) Any kind of "cation" without the kids is a vacation indeed! Besides, the day is coming when you will have a social calendar like your mom's! But if you EVER buy a Vera Bradley ANYTHING, I'll will hunt you down like dingo.

In the alternative, you, me and Annie need to revisit the babysitting co-op again . . . .

Anonymous said...

So, do we get to detox the house of "ALL" the Vera Bradley stuff too????? Ty-man

Employee No. 3699 said...

Yes, it does blow, and it sucks too.

This year's vacation fund is being spent on a big backyard project...and if I'm lucky a new window in our family room. Ooooh, I'm so excited.

Gypsy said...

It's too late. You're sunk.

Avitable said...

Obviously, you just need more money so that you can go and hire someone to do all of that stuff while you're gone!

You still have a chance of saving the old you!

Not Afraid to Use It said...

That is going to be Hubbie's agenda while we're in the ATL.

Annie said...

Count me in... last year we got a newly wired attic and new gutters (our house was built in 1890). WoooHOoo!!! We've got many staycations to come. This year I get a new sewer hook-up for my anniversary (city-mandated, of course... The best kind of gift!)

I just had the same conversation with Tim last week... Can we send the kids to WV for a week? Maybe we could just send all of the littles to a farm for a week this summer? Any takers?

I, too, think that I could use a seat in the back of that convertible. But, fortunately, I have no Vera Bradley! Now, as long as I don't start taking those day-long bus trips to the Amish country, all will be well...

Ashlie- Mommycosm said...

Cleaning without the kids around does sound like a vacation to me! LOL
OK, so not the same as Bonaire (or Aruba), but think about the peace and serenity you will feel when they come back to a cleaner/less cluttered space.

If the budget would need to stretch for Bonaire, you would go, relax, find peace - and then come back to financial guilt and a cluttered house. Focus on giving up THAT feeling instead of the peaceful floating feeling.

And then enjoy a few drinks while cleaning, kidless sex and a few mornings with no rush to wake:)

Patois said...

I love the thought that you need to be deprogrammed.

Merrily Down the Stream said...

I hear that - we ARE Stepford wives...
Whodda thunk?

metalmom said...

OMG! It CAN happen!! I thought that becoming a "housekeeping fool" was just one of those stories that men told their wives when sex was at stake!!!

I'll pray for your sanity to return.

A Free Man said...

Growing up sucks, I'm right there with you. Don't worry, when the kids leave in a couple of DECADES, we can party again.