11 August 2009

Different

I'm not the same.

Since my graduation from high school 19 years ago, I went to college. I joined a sorority. I earned a degree. I became a wife. I bought a house. I worked. I missed saying a last good-bye to my father by 30 minutes. My uncle died two weeks later. I was the executor of my uncle's life and watched the other uncle and cousins bicker over his meager belongings. I experienced the deep betrayal of a friend. I drowned in depression. I traveled. I bought a second house. I became a scuba instructor. I ran a marathon. I discovered I was infertile. I pushed my body and mind to their limits as I tried to become a mother. I became mother to twins. I became mother to a third child. I discovered the amazing love of my husband and children. I gave up gainful employment to stay at home with my kids. I started a blog. I became a paranormal investigator.

I have lived. I have experienced. I. Have. Grown.

A lot has happened in the last 19 years since my graduation from high school. In many ways, I'm not the same person I was in 1990. Now? I wear make-up. I have a backbone. I have definite opinions. I stand up for myself. I can walk up to strangers and strike up conversations. And yes, I swear. In other ways, though, I'm exactly the same as the 18-year-old me. I still read like a fiend. I'm an introvert by choice. I love music. I'm overly emotional. I despise conflict.

What you Black Eagles from so long ago who have found me through Facebook need to realize is that I'm not the Heather you saw walk across that stage for my diploma. I'm not the Heather you passed in the halls. I'm not even the Heather you saw march across the football field Friday nights every fall.

I'm different.

And so are you.

19 comments:

coalminer said...

I try to convey these very words to people from high school just over the last few years of change. I can only imagine how much change will come and go in 19 years, hats off to you though! Reconnecting can be fun, though.

HEATHER said...

Um, I've blocked a bunch of my graduating class on FB. My 20 year reunion was this past weekend and I did not go. I had a really good excuse, my mom is in the hospital and my husband had to work, but I had no intention of going anyway.
I was a horrid person then, I surely do not have any desire to relive that awful time.

hello haha narf said...

while i don't know who you were then, i really love the phenomenal woman you are now.

Annie said...

I think you were great then, and I think the same now. It sounds like you and I have lived parallel lives in the last 17-19 years. I like to think of myself as much the same at the core - just a much more distilled and truer version of that 18 year old girl. I'm so glad and honored that we've reconnected and that you haven't blocked me as a bad memory from the past.

Gypsy said...

I can't even imagine people from high school finding my blog. That's horrifying to me. I know you're much more open about it, though. I just... ugh! I itch just thinking about it.

Ashlie- Mommycosm said...

True. Very, true.

In the past few years, I've become friendly with my high school nemesis. Our kids are even friends. I have other high school friends that still make a face when I mention her name. They can't believe I am able to move on and that I actually LIKE her now.

Bygones. I don't want to be judged for who I was back then. The best way to avoid that is to not judge others.

You get it. And I like the now you.

Patois said...

Hello Haha Narf said just what I'd like to say.

(And now I must find out the story behind Hello Haha Narf.)

Willie G said...

It is amazing how much we change over time. High School, meh, can't even imagine reconnecting. My life has been a menagerie of twists and turns since then. I'm fairly certain I am unrecognizable at this point.

Muskrat said...

I actually haven't changed that much. I'm a stagnant pond to your mountain stream.

Shash said...

I just came from my 20th HS reunion and this is exactly how I feel. I look different, I FEEL different, and I am different.

Dare I say I'm better.

And thank G-d for that.

Miss you!

sybil law said...

You are incredible now, but I think I'd have liked you back then, too.
And what's sad is some of those people haven't changed at all, actually.

LceeL said...

I have met you. The current you. I never knew the high school you. The thing is, you can't have become anything you didn't have the potential for back then. It's just that, at that time, the 'potentials' hadn't been realized. You ARE the same person. You're just full of realized potentials.

That said - I LOVE the person you are - what you have become. You are more refreshing a person to be with and talk to as I have met in a long, long time.

Momisodes said...

Oh this post speaks to me in so many ways. Just today I had a HS friend message me on Facebook about K.I.T.

Sent chills down my spine.

A Free Man said...

I've gotten to the point that I ignore most high school friend requests. If I haven't been in contact with them in one way or another in the last 20 years then I'm just not interested. Because, like you, I've changed. But some of them? Haven't.

Joe @ IrrationalDad said...

I've made the mistake of accepting those friend requests... now I'm wondering how difficult it would be to de-friend someone, and if they'll notice.

And I TOTALLY CAN NOT strike/maintain a conversation... still.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Coalminer - Reconnecting is fun as long as the people I'm talking to after so many years realize this difference. I mean, I get it if we had only been graduates after six months. But 19 years? Expect a difference. You know?

Other Heather - My mom keeps saying, "Oh, you'll go. You'll want to go to the reunions when you get older." Well, I am older and I'm still not interested. I understand, girl.

Hello Haha Narf - Thanks, darlin'!

Annie - You don't know how much I wish we were in the same class. You should crash the '90 reunion next year!

Gypsy - I'm open but I'm scared shitless.

MommyCosm - OK. You're so much more mature than me. My nemeses? I couldn't hang with them. Not even today. I guess in that way, I haven't changed.

Patois - You must read her blog! Google "Midnight Cliff." She's awesome!

Willie G - I hear you, hon.

Muskrat - At least you don't smell! :)

Shash - Miss you, too hon! And you are better! I can feel it!

Sybil Law - I'm hearing from some of my HS peeps that there are a lot who haven't changed. And that just confuses the hell out of me. How can one remain static for 19 years? How sad.

LceeL - You're totally right. Goes back to the idea in physics of potential energy and kinetic energy. Me right now, the kinetic me, was the potential then. And there's still potential me for the kinetic future me. Love it! And thanks for the compliment, hon!

Momisodes - Glad my timing was good!

A Free Man - I tried to ignore the requests, but I just couldn't. I'm weak. I know.

Joe - I think you can de-friend and they aren't notified. They figure it out if they keep up with their friend list.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

I totally agree. But FB is the reunion I want to go to (most days, anyway). I refuse to go to my actual HS reunions bc I don't care to see 99% of them. The other 1%? It's nice to touch base sometimes.

Molly's Mom said...

LOVE this post!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

NATUI - I may or may not go to my 20th reunion. Haven't decided if enough of them have changed for me to want to risk it. We'll see...

Molly's Mom - Thanks!