26 November 2011

Saying Good-bye

Twenty-one years ago, my naivety was stripped away and I learned the truth of the adult world. Even at the age of 18, a legal adult and yet still an emotional kid, I thought adulthood was this magical stage when everyone's head suddenly straightened out, no one mistreated anyone else, and it was this magical point in your life when you kissed those fickle, catty teen years good-bye and became *mature*.

Twenty-one years ago I learned that not only could adults screw each other over, they could do it to those of us who were still kids.

The woman who broke my heart all those years ago, and showed me that adults could be pretty shitty, just passed away over the Thanksgiving weekend. And there's been an outpouring of grief and emotion and loss from those who knew her.

But not from me.

When I heard about her death, the events of those many years ago came flooding back with clarity and since I had accepted what had happened and moved on, I moved on again.

Then, I began to see the posts on Facebook of the people who knew her as well. And the outpouring of love was staggering. So many people called her their second mother, they recalled all the times she had helped them through rough times, how she had shown them unconditional love and support, and how they would all miss her terribly.

And I began to get upset. How come they all got this wonderful, caring, loving woman and I got the shaft? Why, due to a simple twist of fate, did this have to happen? Her daughter and I were members of the same organization and due to seniority, my name was ahead of her daughter's for a state office appointment. She changed the rules the following year and put her daughter's name ahead of mine. And I watched my years of service and all my hard work swirl down the drain. I get that she was watching out for her daughter and putting her interests first, which is what all mothers are supposed to do, but not at the expense of others who have worked just as hard for longer.

So I, too, mourned her passing this weekend, but for different reasons. They all will miss her and what she was for them. I mourn and miss what never was for me.

8 comments:

Dave2 said...

Truly awful what she did, but so sadly typical. :-(

Annie said...

{hugs} I know *exactly* where you are. Feel free to call me, you know you can. :(

Megan said...

I'm sorry you got hurt by this woman. That really sucks. Not a great example to set for her daughter. Or anyone else.

xo

sybil law said...

I probably wouldn't be mourning her death, either! That's ridiculous.

Avitable said...

I know how you feel. I'm sorry. :(

hello haha narf said...

So many people choose to only remember the good after someone passes. Or they don't want to be the one to go against the majority when the dead person can't defend herself. Sounds like walking away from Facebook for a few days until this fades ain't the worst thing.
Know that there is nothing wrong with how you feel, Heather. You were wronged. But I hope that you don't let her shitty behavior in the past have any residence in your presence.

Muskrat said...

That sucks, but isn't all that surprising. Learning how the real world works when you're right out of college and naive isn't much fun.

Janet said...

I know how you feel. My husband's foster-father passed away last year and we had to endure all of the sugar-sweet posts to his obituary talking about what a great, kind and decent man he was and how terribly he will be missed. Not one person mentioned that he was the worst kind of pedophile who raped the boys put into his foster-care.

I know EXACTLY how you feel!