J-man: Bubba and Lolli! Sittin' in a tree! K-S-S-S-I-N-G!
(Writer's note: Lolli is a little girl, in Bubba's class, on whom Bubba is crushing. He says he's going to marry her. I say I'm going to have to go talk to this little girl's mother. And have me a stiff drink.)
Me: No, that's K-*I*-S-S-I-N-G.
J-man: I SAID THAT! K-S-S-S-I-N-G.
Me: No. Sweetie. K-*I*-S-S...
J-man: Extremely frustrated. I. SAID. THAT!
Me: No, you didn't. Ksssing isn't a word. You spell kissing with an *i*.
J-man: I know that, Mama! I said *i*! K-S-S-S-I-N-G!
Me: Did you just hear yourself? There aren't three s's in kissing! Just two! And two i's!
J-man: Shaking his head in a condescending manner, much the way Neil deGrasse Tyson does to all the evolution haters. Mama. I spelled it with two i's. You didn't hear me right.
Me: I REALIZE YOU ALL THINK I'M A DAFT COW, BUT I KNOW YOU JUST SPELLED KSSSING! AND THAT DRIVES ME BATTY!
Ya'll, I'm dead serious. If you'd like to get in touch with me, I'll be in the local psych ward, trying to convince myself that ksssing spells kissing and that 2 + 2 really does equal 5.