24 September 2007

The Case of the Missing Forks

Sounds like a Nancy Drew mystery, I know, but it’s true. We are missing at least three forks from our flatware drawer. Over the last few weeks, I’ve noticed a lessening in number of our dinner forks. These are our everyday forks, not the fancy “stainless steel, trying to masquerade as silver, only used when company comes, too good for the kitchen drawer, have to live in the velvet-lined dining room banquet side-table drawer” forks. Just the other day, after every single piece of flat-, dinner-, ceramic-, cook-, and bake-ware had been washed, I realized that some of our forks were AWOL. What in the world? I looked in the dining room where the “snob” forks are stored. Nope, not there. Ty-man tends to collect drinking glasses in our bathroom (for late-night water-drinking binges) so I checked there, just in case he was storing the forks for some nefarious purpose. Nope, struck out again. Ty-man never packs his lunch, so they wouldn’t have migrated to the office (as the travel coffee mugs tend to do) and I never pack my lunch because I never GO ANYWHERE (nope, not bitter, not at all), so that means they’re somewhere in the house. But where?

About a month ago, we received a recall notice on our GE dishwasher. Supposedly the darned thing can catch fire when you use the Jet-Dry dispenser. Personally I think the damned thing is also eating my forks. A fork-eating dishwasher. Is that like a sock-eating dryer? Maybe they’re cousins. I don’t know. All I know is I want my forks back because I can’t even have four people over for dinner, because that would require six forks and I only have five! I guess I could make sure to only serve soup and ice cream for dinners and desserts when guests are here. That would completely eliminate the need for forks. Hey, that’s an idea. I’ll just go to a straight cereal/oatmeal/soup/chili/custard/pudding/ice cream menu around here. Then, I could just chuck ALL of my forks and not worry about it.

So, anyway, if any of you happen to find the missing three brothers of this fork, please let me know. I’ll offer a reward. Money, you ask? Naw, how about just my undying gratitude?

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