09 October 2007

Back Zits

Can't help myself... so here goes. What is it about zits on a man's back that make us ladies go abnormal? I don't know the name of the hormone that is released in my brain when I see a back zit. My eyes narrow, zooming in on the zit in question, my hands raise in a claw-like position, thumbs extended and facing one another. Quietly, I sneak up behind the man in question (99.9% of the time, it's Ty-man), and pop the back zit into submission. It's such a satisfying thing to pop a back zit. I won't go into the gory details, but you know what I mean, ladies. Popping back zits is like meditation, like taking anti-depressants; it's an activity that puts me into a Zen-like state of calm. Meanwhile, Ty-man is clenching his butt cheeks, gritting his teeth, and trying not to swat at me.

The beach is the best place to scope out back zits, especially on young, male teenagers. Testosterone is raging and the back zits pop out ALL OVER the place. When I'm at the beach, surrounded by young men in their teens or twenties, I'm in back zit heaven. But, at the same time, it's back zit hell because it's not like I can just walk up to a total stranger and begin inflicting pain all in the name of puss-removal.

So, I have an idea (strap yourselves in, it's a doozy). You know what cleaner shrimp are? They are the little shrimp that hang out on coral heads, wiggling their legs and feelers, advertising their services and waiting for a big fish to swim by and stop at their hang-out. When a fish stops, opens its mouth and gills, the cleaner shrimp is ready to get to work. It jumps onto the fish, running around the out- and in-side of the fish, cleaning off algae and bacteria. The fish is cleaned and the shrimp gets a meal. I propose a similar symbiotic relationship. I think that we ladies should set up booths on the beach. Young men come over, plop down onto a really comfortable massage table, and they get their back zits popped for free and we get to satisfy our carnal need to release the puss and blackheads from bondage. Seriously, I think this could fly. You with me?

1 comment:

JB said...


You worry me kid, you really do.

Still luv ya anyway. :-)