28 November 2007

So Friggin' Ridiculous

OK, just gotta put this out there. My MacBook has been having battery problems. Now, I know, I know, there was a MacBook battery recall. Not my MacBook, though. Different serial number. My battery gets to 75% power and the computer dies, no warning, no nothing. Complete shut down and loss of anything you've been working on that wasn't saved.

So, I called Apple yesterday. Of course, like every other computer company in the US, they have outsourced to India. An Indian man, with an obvious Hindi accent, answers the phone and says, "Hello. My name is Steve. May I have your name?" OK, whatever. Unless they can teach these people working in the call center how to speak English with no flipping accent whatsoever, then don't give me a fake American name so that I can feel "at home" or "trusting" of you. Just tell me your name is Deepak or Madhu and I'm cool. So, "Steve" takes down my information, assigns me a case number, tells me he's transferring me. I hear the cheesy background music and for the next 15 minutes bee-bop to some stupid live concert music with "Apple-man" breaking in every 2 minutes to tell me that "all technicians are currently on the phone yadda yadda blab blab." Finally, after 15 minutes... I get hung up on. OooooooKay. Call back.

This time, the Indian man's name was "Boris" (Where do they come up with this stuff? I know no one named Boris). Again, with the information, again on hold, again after 15 minutes I get hung up on. This happens four times. By the fifth time, young "Mike" was going to get his head yanked through the phone and his nose ripped off his face. I let him know that I was a very irate woman who had a shitty battery and wanted service not AN F-ING DIAL TONE!

Finally, I got through. Andrea (and, either she had perfected her accent or she truly was American - so I didn't have to think of her as a Kala or a Rama) assisted me beautifully, told me I was still under warranty and would get a new battery free of charge.... but their system was down and I would have to call back tomorrow (today) to give them shipping info.


So, I call back today. Today's outsourcing selection came in the form of "Mark" and (after getting hung up on) "Tom" (a.k.a. Haresh and Kavi). Finally, another young woman (this time after calling Apple just twice!) assisted me, took my address, and promised my new battery would be sent posthaste.

So, I have now decided that, just like two days ago, outsourcing doesn't bother me. You know, if you can hire workers more cheaply in foreign countries, go for it. We are, after all, a capitalist society. It's all about making money, so make your money. Just don't train the young men and women sitting in their cubicles in Mumbai or Kolkata at 12:30 AM to give us made-up American aliases. It's 12:30 AM their time. They're tired, bored stiff, irritated talking to all us American whack jobs who think we're better than the rest of the world ('cause, you know, we are!). All they want to do is go home, curl up to the latest Bollywood movie, and go to bed. Just be honest and tell me your name is Chandra. I'll be a lot happier for it. You'll be happier for it. Oh, and? QUIT F-ING HANGING UP ON ME! Whew!

(I know no one from India. I had to go here to find Indian/Hindi names. I'm so lame...)


The Ferryman said...

Next time talk back to them with that accent they have. Try to sound like Apu from The Simpsons. They love that. You guys will bond.

Avitable said...

Try using online support - it's going to be much more efficient, I think.

Unknown said...

I promise that the Andrea wasn't, because if it had been, I'd have WRITTEN DOWN YOUR ADDRESS TO INPUT IT AS SOON AS THE SYSTEM WAS UP!

But it wasn't me.

Ugh. And I hate that they give American names, too. The hubby (who's in the computer field) has talked to John Wayne, Ronald Reagan, and Elvis. They all work at HP...

Not Afraid to Use It said...

I am sorry to be getting enjoyment out of your irritating experience, but that was funny. I say next time, if they give you an American alias you should keep calling them by an Indian one. So when he says, 'Hi, I'm Mark" you can say, "Well hello Mohinder" and see how that throws them. LOL

I totally agree with you. Just be HONEST about it.

Anonymous said...

I prefer the generic name of "Punjab" or maybe you could ask their religion - are you a rope start or a puch button start?