18 November 2007

You Know? This Whole Motherhood Thing Has Been Fun...

... but I'd like my body back, now! Seriously. This is an open letter to the Universe. I know, I know, it's a real hoot, a scream actually, to watch all us gals get knocked-up, make us puke for three or more months, swell up our bellies, stretch our skin, make our ankles and feet swell up like sausages, make our bewbies (thanks, Teri) huge and appealing, yet filled with milk, cause our backs to ache, and take away our peaceful slumbers. Then, just when we think everything is going to burst at the critical mass stage, we have the kid(s). Woo hoo! Forty long weeks later and I've got my body back, baby! Snort. Whateva.

If you breastfeed, you still don't have the twins back. Sometimes your feet stay bigger than their original size. Your abdominal skin has stretched and refuses to return to its original state. Sometimes those extra pounds like their new home and stick around. Hormones? Heh. Your complexion will NEVER be the same. Oh, and? Your hair is going to fall out. In GOBS! Woo hoo! Let's get this party started and pass the Liquid Plumr!

Thanks, Universe, thanks.


I don't have the words.

Wait... yes I do!

So, now that J-man is weaned, I've got my mosquito-bite sized mammary bumps back. Yipp-friggin'-ee. These small hooters go along so well with the poochy tummy, still poochy due to excess skin and a few pounds that don't want to come off. And I'd really like to get those pounds off by resuming my running, but I can't do that considering that the three gems now living in my house won't let me sleep! Yeah. That o'dark-thirty wake-up alarm to get up and pound the pavement gets permanently snoozed when the alarm clock hits the wall.

So, anyway, I guess I'd like to close this letter by asking you, Universe (or Santa, or Easter Bunny, or Great Pumpkin) to give me back my old body. I'll still be a mom and wife. That, I'll keep. But, my body?

I miss it.



Don't make me contact the dairy farmers' association to put my old body's pictures on milk cartons, 'cause I'll do it!



Vonda said...

Oh Heather, you know you don't miss your old body that much! :) You actually look FABULOUS!!! And I'm not going to say you look FABULOUS for having 3 babies in 20 months because you look FABULOUS period!!! You were skinnier just after having Jarrod than most women are during their whole lives even when they are on the strictest diet out there. Heather, girl, you look GREAT! -V

Not Afraid to Use It said...

I have to say that I agree with Vonda--esp. since I've seen you in person! LOL But, I TOTALLY hear you on wanting your body back. The pre-baby body where your boobs stand up by themselves and not through the some miracle of science and material coming together in a hi-tech bra. And yes, stretch marks are our "warrior marks", but sometimes it is hard not to miss how it looked before. Hugs, and know that I totally feel the same way!

The Ferryman said...

Yeah, you do look awesome. So shut up.

Breeder :)

Unknown said...

Note to self: take pill. You make having kids sound so appealing.

And I agree with everyone else. You look hawt!!!!

Military Mom said...

I feel your pain, I have 3 myself! If you find the cure for a flabby stomach and stretchmarks, PLEASE let me know!