26 February 2008

Future Cult Leaders of America

So, Friday evening and Saturday afternoon were spent volunteering, as a judge, for the Georgia Academic Decathlon state competition.

I see all of you shaking your heads wondering, "What is this geek b.s. of which Heather speaks?"

The US Academic Decathlon is, and I quote,

... a team competition wherein students match their intellects with students from other schools. Students are tested in 10 categories: Art, Economics, Essay, Interview, Language and Literature, Mathematics, Music, Science, Social Science, and Speech.

Yep, you got it. These kids spend two days taking ten tests. Can you say nerd brain-drain?

Well, I participated in Academic Decathlon in high school and when my high school teacher friend, Jenny found out, she immediately volunteered me as an interview judge. So, once a year, for the last five years, I interview 12 of these students. They come from all walks of life, have a myriad of interests, and all have hopes, dreams, and aspirations. I have interviewed 60 high school students total over these five years. Some want to be politicians. Others are aiming to become doctors, small-business owners, military officers, lawyers. You name it, I've interviewed it.

Then this past Friday, there came Andrew.

Andrew's résumé noted "Interests - metaphysics, theology, architecture"

OK, I thought, he's interested in designing churches. Maybe he's interested in designing cathedrals and such.

Riiiiiiiiiight. Think again, Heather.

I asked Andrew, "Tell us about your interest in metaphysics, theology, and architecture. How are these three things tied together?" Then, I planted a smile on my face, waiting to hear how all these metal, warehouse-looking churches may be inexpensive, but they are fugly, and how young Andrew wants to bring back the cathedrals of old Europe and expand America's theological architecture.

Well, that's what I would have said.

Here's what actually came out of his mouth:

Well, I want to build an artificial island, like the ones off the coast of Thailand. (ed. note: Poor thing got it wrong. There are no artificial islands off the coast of Thailand, but there are plenty off the coast of Dubai in the U.A.E.) I want to make my island a domed island. It will be a utopian society and totally self-sufficient. All the food we'll need will be grown inside the dome. The waste we produce will power the island. It will be self-contained. Anyone can live there, anyone of any faith, but there will only be Christian churches because that's the only right church.

Then, Andrew went on to explain his interest in metaphysics, that he believes he can heal himself with the power of his mind. And he's done it, too! He's healed his sprained ankle with the power of his mind. With enough practice, he feels he can heal cuts, cancer, anything. He was also very disparaging of his classmates, knowing that he's stronger and faster than all of them.

At this point, the interview time was coming to an end. Friend Toni and I thanked him for his time, making sure to keep our faces neutral.

After he left, I said, "There goes a member of the FCLA."

Toni replied, "The Future Community Leaders of America?"

"Nope," I said. "The Future Cult Leaders of America."


HEATHER said...

I don't know how you kept a straight face!! In ten years or so we will be reading about this poor child shooting people from a clock tower. SCARY!!!

The Ferryman said...

No, Andrew is the real deal! He healed my wangdoodle, most of which was shot off in the war.

And when I say "shot off in the war" I mean "caught in the car door".

RiverPoet said...

Did you hear the theme music from "The Twilight Zone" playing in your head? Sounds like that kid has problems of a grand scale (grand delusions, that is).

I'm with Heather, I think he'll be in the public eye at some point, having killed a bunch of people, though I hope not. Maybe he's just going through a phase.

Did he offer you any Kool-aid?

Peace - D

Unknown said...

Wow. Freaky. Did you tell him that the Christian Right is neither?

Mrs. Booms said...

Hmmm... Interesting.

I expect to see Andrew on Most Evil some day in the future.

Avitable said...

I thought I was the only telekinetic healer around.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

We will keep all of our children far, far away from people such as Andrew.

And yes, you will be seeing him on the news and say I knew him when...

Gypsy said...

That kid's cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.

Miss Britt said...

Did you add him to a watch list or something? LOL

Not Afraid to Use It said...

And btw: Since you told this story, all I can keep thinking about is that line from Porky's II with that crazy Reverend So sayeth the Shephard to which they all shout back So sayeth the flock!!!!!!

I wonder if this kid Tivo'd that.

Ok, Where Was I? said...

OMG, it's just like the freaks on American Idol. I wonder how the judges don't fear for their lives when they critique someone who is so obviously disturbed. And now that's you! Minus the critique. How scary. So how proud do you think his mama is?

Unknown said...

Whoa! No way!

At least he has ambition...

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Other Heather - It was scary. We just had to smile mildly and nod our heads and patiently wait for the 7 minute interview to be over!

Fab - Are you sure you don't mean, "ripped off by Britt?" Oh, wait, that's Avitable.

Momma - Yeah, I've got his name written down and I'm going to be on the lookout.

Teri - I wanted to, but we can't interject during the interview. Unfortunately.

Shar - Oh, we will see him.

Avitable - Nope, turns out there's more than one of you. Maybe a battle to the death? Hmmm???

NATUI - Yes, the kids will be kept in the basement!

Gypsy - And probably in love with Kool-Aid, too.

Britt - Yes, he's on my personal watch list. I'll probably never forget his name or face.

NATUI again - Funny!

Ok, Where Was I? - That's the hardest part, when these kids go off like that, we can't be responsive in any way, emotionally, and we can't confront them about ideals and such. Frustrating!

Andrea - Just ambition in the wrong way.

Vulgar Wizard said...

Whack. Job.