18 June 2008

It's True Blog Love, People

Well, it's official. We are officially out-of-bounds, in unknown territory, testing out deep waters. You see, I hooked up with NATUI yesterday. No, not that kind of hook-up. Just keep reading.

Did we do lunch? Yes.

Did we exchange crazy kid stories? Yes.

Did we talk about the latest drama occurring in the People's Republic of Blogistan? Yes.

Did I go with her to her annual appointment with Dr. Miracle and stand by her side while she endured a Pap smear, pelvic exam, and vaginal sonogram to check the integrity of her ovaries since Mr. NATUI was unable to make the trip south (effing job) for said appointment and moral support?

Hell. To. The. Yes.

Yes, my friends and fellow citizens of the PRB, NATUI and I are no longer just blog buddies. We are more than that. We are true. blue. friends in fallopian tubes.

Allow me to explain. When you take a yearly trip to see Dr. Miracle, you get a hug, a kiss on the cheek, a question of "How are the kids/husband/job/you?", the usual breast exam, PAP smear, and pelvic exam. The difference between our Dr. Miracle and other OB/GYN docs is that your blood is drawn for a full hormone/triglyceride/lipid/insulin panel, and you receive a vaginal sonogram.

Yes, the dreaded vaginal sonogram. Not the pretty pelvic sonograms you see on TV where Insert Actress Name Here is placed perfectly on the exam bed, gorgeous make-up, cute maternity clothes, pelvic transducer gliding over her lubed-up belly, actor and actress smiling at the monitor and at the fake images of their TV show baby. Um, no, that's not even close to what I'm talking about. I'm talking about a vaginal sonogram transducer, a long, angular, plastic probe (covered with a latex condom and some lube - not kidding) that is not-so-ceremoniously placed in your vagina, up to the cervix (and sometimes past the cervix) and moved around to get perfect measurements and to look at your ovaries. That's the sonogram I'm talking about.

Now, some of you fellow bloggers who have been pregnant in the last ten years know what I'm talking about when I say vaginal sonogram. At times, when trying to ascertain precise cervical measurements during pregnancy, a vaginal sonogram is needed. I've had pregnant friends who wondered aloud, "Gee, Heather, I had a vaginal sonogram when I was pregnant with my baby and I don't know what you're complaining about. I didn't think it was all that bad."

Heh-hem. Yeah, um, be quiet and allow me to describe.

NATUI and I both suffer from endometriosis and ovarian cysts. Endometriosis makes the lining of one's uterus extremely tender. When Dr. Miracle inserts that vaginal transducer and begins looking around at your ovaries (this requires him to push that damned thing waaaaaaay the hell up your cha-cha) (yes, I used cha-cha-thank you Cartman), he's looking left, he's looking right, and each time he changes direction you. come. off. the table. Oh, yes. My last lovely sonogram was this past February. I'm due for another in September. I had more of these sonograms than I can count during my fertility treatments and both pregnancies. And every time Dr. Miracle changed direction yesterday while looking at NATUI's ovaries, she came off the table and I crossed my legs.

That, people, is love.

So, the next time you hear about bloggers getting together to share blog love?

Yeah, whateva.

Me and NATUI know what true blog love is all about!


Anonymous said...

Have you heard of the center for endometriosi care, in Atlanta? It's amazing, centerforendo.com

They helped me

RiverPoet said...

Heather - You are a true friend and blogger of the highest order.

I've had the vaginal ultrasounds of which you speak, though I don't have endometriosis. I had such severe bleeding and pain that they finally decided to take everything but the ovaries in 2003. SO much better now, but then, I wasn't planning to have anymore kids anyway.

You rock for being there for our NATUI yesterday. If I'd been in town, we could have made it a trio. The doctor wouldn't have known what hit him.

Peace - D

Avitable said...

Oh yeah? Well, Britt and I and Becky and Hilly and Shiny got to watch Karl play with himself. So there!

Donna said...

Now THAT'S bloggy love.
Who better to have with you at such an appointment than some one who understands too well.

Anonymous said...

I went with my wife when she had an ultrasound to see the baby.

Does that count?

Miss Britt said...

Yep. You win. Hands down.

Because there is no fucking WAY I am going with Avitable for his yearly Pap. No way.

Expat No. 3699 said...

I sometimes go to the restroom with my friends.

Ok, Where Was I? said...

OMG, Miss Britt's comment. LOL.

I love ya, but if this is what we have to do to become real friends, I think I'm out. I'm going to just have to stick to this blogging thing.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

I am screaming over Miss Britt's comment, too. Too damned funny. I had a great time yesterday, hon. Despite the residual cramping and soreness, let's do it again soon!

Liz Hill said...

When I had to go to the ER last year with a burst ovarian cyst the tech asked me to insert the probe myself. I was dumbfounded and said at last--'git er done'

I did a post about it somewhere.

You are good people sugar.

Narcoleptic said...

All. Squirmy. Inside.

That Chick Over There said...

Well how sweet is that? :)

Molly's Mom said...

You guys are lucky! Unfortunately, I live in the middle of blog nowhere, so there aren't any sarcastic mid 30s mamas to hang with :( So I live vicariously through everyone else!

.:| Melissa.Mizladytaz |:. said...

That's TRUE friendship, right there! Glad you could be there for her!

I've never had one of them there vaginal ultrasounds, and I don't think I wanna, either! *EEK*

I sorta understand what y'all are going through though, my sister had endometriosis. BAD. She had 6 pregnancies. She has 3 kids. Docs said it's a miracle she carried any of them full term!

She'd been scraped, and all that good fun (yea, right!) stuff. And the crap would be right back there, seemingly worse than before!

By 27 she'd had a hysterectomy and then she had one ovary removed about a year or so later. She'd had ovarian cysts, that burst.

When she was 31, she had the other ovary removed. Burst cysts, again. That whole ordeal is a story of it's own!

She just turned 40 last month.

I don't think they even had PCOS, as a condition back then, but, I think that's what she had!

Thankfully, I've never had ANY female problems. Ever. I feel for y'all that do!


Unknown said...

You rock, woman! I am a bit envious of the lunch and such, but not of the exam... :)

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Anonymous - I hadn't heard of them before. I received Dr. Nezhat's name from a friend and it turns out he and his brothers are the reason why we have laproscopic surgery. They developed it specifically for endometriosis surgery and now surgeons use it for our knees, hips, stomach, etc. Thanks for the heads-up!

Momma - Aren't they fun? My mom had severe bleeding and pain with her endo and had the same surgery in 1982. That may be the future I'm looking at.

Avitable - Nope. Still not good enough.

Donna - Exactly!

Bucky - Were you there at the baby's birth? Now THAT counts!

Britt - Bwhahahahahahahahah!!!! LMFAO!

Employee no. 3699 - That's love. Do you talk over the sound of peeing?

OK, Where Was I? - Nah, no more vaginal ultrasounds amongst bloggy friends unless specifically asked for. Promise.

NATUI - I had a great time, too! Can't wait to do it again! Just no more Cheesecake Factory...

Turnbaby - OMFG! My high-risk perinatal doctor wanted me to insert it myself, too! Dr. Nezhat does the inserting. I was dumbfounded when asked to insert the probe myself. I felt a bit dirty, to be honest.

Narcoleptic - Me, too.

That Chick Over There - Very!

Molly's Mom - That just means you need to get down here to Hotlanta and hang, girlfriend!

Melissa - Yeah, you don't want one. No fun! And, wow. 27-years-old with a hysterectomy? Crazy!

Andrea - WOMAN! Great to see ya! Lunch was good. It always is!