03 September 2008

CMG Imponderables, Part 3

It's time for more imponderables. Questions from deep inside my brain that I can't quite seem to get a handle on, yet can't stop asking myself. Over. And over. And over. And... well, you get the picture.

Imponderable #9: Why can't Discovery Health's Mystery Diagnosis ever show someone who is sick, who is convinced they have some freaky, rare illness, but ends up just having a cold? Or food poisoning? Or a wicked case of jock itch? Because every damned time I watch this show, I'm fairly certain that I have porphyria, West Nile, or Legionnaire's disease. I suppose said show would then be called You're a Hypochondriac, Stupid! and I wouldn't watch it because it would all be about me and my bottle of Advil. Never mind.

Imponderable #10:

Why, when I'm wearing these super-fly headphones to listen to EVP evidence, do I look like a total dork? Even with the gang sign. Is that even a gang sign? Frack if I know. I just know I don't look like a kick ass DJ waiting to spin some awesome dance music. I look like a geek paranormal researcher. Sitting in a papasan. Looking like a dumb ass. Word.

Imponderable #11: Why do people keep changing their avatars on Twitter? I'm confused enough as it is. Bubba gets the PB&J, Miss-Miss grilled cheese, J-man a PB&J. Oh, wait. Maybe it's Miss-Miss who gets the PB&J, I get the grilled cheese, and Bubba gets a PB&J. No. OK. Maury Povich gets the grilled cheese, J-man gets a PB&J, and I get squat. Yeah, that's it. Seriously. Quit it! Enough already! Between Twitter and the lunch menu in this joint, I can't keep track! I don't know who the hell I'm following! Aaaarrrrrrgh!

Imponderable #12: Why do I write these damned things in fours? Four imponderables per post. Four and only four. Oh yeah? Well this one has three, Rainman! Nya-nya! Ppppffffftthhhzzzz!


Anonymous said...

OMG woman! You look fierce!!! sorta... in a dorky way...

Bucky said...

You really do look like a kick ass DJ waiting to spin some awesome dance music.... or not.

Anonymous said...

Yo,yo,yo miss supah-fly!You look ready to rock da joint,yo. I'd hit dat!

Your questions crack my shit UP! Knowmsayin'?

That One said...

Oh lord, I can't stop giggling. It's imperative that I do as I am at work and don't wish to share your blog with my coworkers. Because they suck. And sucky people shouldn't read the oh-so-funny and hip-hop-cool CMG.


Avitable said...

Girl, you sooo gangsta!

Willie G said...

Very funny. The pic is great. I'm sure the kids tremble in your presence, snot and all!!

Expat No. 3699 said...

I really think Maury gets the PB&J, fo shizzle.

penny said...

That's the badass ghost hunting look you're rocking.

I used to work with a guy who died of Legionnaire's disease. I was completely paranoid of air conditioners for a long time.

I'm pretty sure that "You're a Hypochondriac, Stupid!" is just over the horizon. They should air it before "House" in syndication.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

THAT'S why you never see any paranormal activity! BC you scare those bitches away with you an' yer badass muthafuckin' self yo! Love it!

Anonymous said...

No it doesn't! It has four! MWAHAHAHA!!

I don't get why people change their avatars often, either. Surely the point of an avatar is so that people can recognise you at a glance?

Gypsy said...

I'd forgotten all about Twitter. Maybe I should go back.

Also, I think you look dope, yo. No? Well, I tried.

Molly's Mom said...

Yoyoyo, CMG in da houuuuuuse!

What the hell am I saying? I'm the whitest chick on earth. Possibly even more than you.

I totally do not watch Mystery Diagnosis (and similar shows) because I will then lie awake freaking out about the horrible diseases I have. Word.

Anonymous said...

I dig the phones. DIG!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

DutchBitch - Thanks, hon! I think...

Bucky - More like some lame-ass bluegrass.

MetalMom - Come on! Hit it, sista! I totally know what yo sayin'!

Tuli - Why thank you, hon. Keep those sucky people away!!! :)

Avitable - Don't you know!

Willie G - They do, hon. They truly do.

Employee No. 3699 - Wordizzle!

Penny - HA! That would be an awesome line-up. And yeah. Staying in old hotels with 1,000-year-old AC units (because you know AC has been around since the Dark Ages) freaks. me. out.

NATUI - Hell to the yeah!

Jay - It drives me nuts. Just pick a picture and stick with it. Mutha!

Gypsy - You should. I miss you there. Dope, indeed!

Molly's Mom - Hee hee! You're whiter than me? Like glow-in-the-dark white? :) 'Cause I glow in the dark and it isn't the left over radiation from my nuclear physics labs.

Mrs. Mustard - I know you're jonesing for some!