03 September 2008

CMG Imponderables, Part 3

It's time for more imponderables. Questions from deep inside my brain that I can't quite seem to get a handle on, yet can't stop asking myself. Over. And over. And over. And... well, you get the picture.

Imponderable #9: Why can't Discovery Health's Mystery Diagnosis ever show someone who is sick, who is convinced they have some freaky, rare illness, but ends up just having a cold? Or food poisoning? Or a wicked case of jock itch? Because every damned time I watch this show, I'm fairly certain that I have porphyria, West Nile, or Legionnaire's disease. I suppose said show would then be called You're a Hypochondriac, Stupid! and I wouldn't watch it because it would all be about me and my bottle of Advil. Never mind.

Imponderable #10:

Why, when I'm wearing these super-fly headphones to listen to EVP evidence, do I look like a total dork? Even with the gang sign. Is that even a gang sign? Frack if I know. I just know I don't look like a kick ass DJ waiting to spin some awesome dance music. I look like a geek paranormal researcher. Sitting in a papasan. Looking like a dumb ass. Word.

Imponderable #11: Why do people keep changing their avatars on Twitter? I'm confused enough as it is. Bubba gets the PB&J, Miss-Miss grilled cheese, J-man a PB&J. Oh, wait. Maybe it's Miss-Miss who gets the PB&J, I get the grilled cheese, and Bubba gets a PB&J. No. OK. Maury Povich gets the grilled cheese, J-man gets a PB&J, and I get squat. Yeah, that's it. Seriously. Quit it! Enough already! Between Twitter and the lunch menu in this joint, I can't keep track! I don't know who the hell I'm following! Aaaarrrrrrgh!

Imponderable #12: Why do I write these damned things in fours? Four imponderables per post. Four and only four. Oh yeah? Well this one has three, Rainman! Nya-nya! Ppppffffftthhhzzzz!


Anonymous said...

OMG woman! You look fierce!!! sorta... in a dorky way...

Bucky said...

You really do look like a kick ass DJ waiting to spin some awesome dance music.... or not.

That One said...

Oh lord, I can't stop giggling. It's imperative that I do as I am at work and don't wish to share your blog with my coworkers. Because they suck. And sucky people shouldn't read the oh-so-funny and hip-hop-cool CMG.


Avitable said...

Girl, you sooo gangsta!

Willie G said...

Very funny. The pic is great. I'm sure the kids tremble in your presence, snot and all!!

Expat No. 3699 said...

I really think Maury gets the PB&J, fo shizzle.

penny said...

That's the badass ghost hunting look you're rocking.

I used to work with a guy who died of Legionnaire's disease. I was completely paranoid of air conditioners for a long time.

I'm pretty sure that "You're a Hypochondriac, Stupid!" is just over the horizon. They should air it before "House" in syndication.

Anonymous said...

No it doesn't! It has four! MWAHAHAHA!!

I don't get why people change their avatars often, either. Surely the point of an avatar is so that people can recognise you at a glance?

Gypsy said...

I'd forgotten all about Twitter. Maybe I should go back.

Also, I think you look dope, yo. No? Well, I tried.

Molly's Mom said...

Yoyoyo, CMG in da houuuuuuse!

What the hell am I saying? I'm the whitest chick on earth. Possibly even more than you.

I totally do not watch Mystery Diagnosis (and similar shows) because I will then lie awake freaking out about the horrible diseases I have. Word.

Anonymous said...

I dig the phones. DIG!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

DutchBitch - Thanks, hon! I think...

Bucky - More like some lame-ass bluegrass.

MetalMom - Come on! Hit it, sista! I totally know what yo sayin'!

Tuli - Why thank you, hon. Keep those sucky people away!!! :)

Avitable - Don't you know!

Willie G - They do, hon. They truly do.

Employee No. 3699 - Wordizzle!

Penny - HA! That would be an awesome line-up. And yeah. Staying in old hotels with 1,000-year-old AC units (because you know AC has been around since the Dark Ages) freaks. me. out.

NATUI - Hell to the yeah!

Jay - It drives me nuts. Just pick a picture and stick with it. Mutha!

Gypsy - You should. I miss you there. Dope, indeed!

Molly's Mom - Hee hee! You're whiter than me? Like glow-in-the-dark white? :) 'Cause I glow in the dark and it isn't the left over radiation from my nuclear physics labs.

Mrs. Mustard - I know you're jonesing for some!