16 October 2008

Dialog, Part 15

Phone: Brrrriiinnnng! Brrriiiinnnnngggg!*

Me: Exasperated because I'm trying to convince J-man that a morning nap is a good idea. Hello?

Voice: Mr. Doofus?

Me: No, this is Mrs. Doofus.

Voice: Mrs. Doofus, this is Whatshisnuts with the NRA**. And we would like to...

Me: Click.

Two hours later:

Phone: Brrrriiinnnng! Brrriiiinnnnngggg!

Extremely annoyed because I'm trying to feed three demanding kids, and myself, lunch. Hello?

Voice: Mr. Dimbulb?

Me: Nope. Mrs. Dimbulb here.

Voice: Yes ma'am, this is Whatsherboobs from the Gallup polls and I wanted to ask you...

Me: Click.

Seven hours later:

Phone: Brrrriiinnnng! Brrriiiinnnnngggg!

Me: Really getting pissed because I'm trying to give J-man some bedtime snuggles. What?!?

Voice: Uh... Mr. Doof?

Me: NO!!! Do I sound like a man?!? It's Mrs. Doof!

Voice: Oh, well, this is Scaredminimumwagephoneboy from the Republican National Committee***...

Me: Oh. My. Fracking. God. You people have been calling all day! All week! At the worst moments! When I'm trying to feed kids! Get kids to sleep! Get kids to stop whining! And I always hang up on you! GET THE MESSAGE AND STOP CALLING ALREADY! CCCLLLLIIIICCCCKKKKK!

Gad. I'll be so glad when this election is over.

* Our phones don't really sound like that. Seriously.

** Bill Clinton pissed Ty-man off a few years back regarding 2nd amendment rights. So? Ty-man bought himself a lifetime membership in the NRA. And several handguns. And a couple of shotguns. And a shit-ton of "Give us more money, please?" phone calls. Don't ever piss off the Ty-man.

*** The Ty-man is a red-blooded Republican and joined during the "Contract for America" heyday. But? We're now giving to the Bubba/Miss-Miss/J-man college funds. All political parties need not apply.


Unknown said...

Quit answering the phone, martyr! ;-)


Arizaphale said...

Ahhh. I love a penchant for cussing although I find sudoko infuriating :-) Dropping by from A Free Man to say what a great job you did with the Dawgs stuff. Also to tell you that in Australia we have a website where you can register as a 'do not call' number. It's cut our calls from looney Indian mobile phone salesmen to nil! In the UK it's double glazing salesmen. Put the answering machine on.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

We've been getting the same calls, except from local police and firefighters. I don't want to piss them off because I don't want my house on the "no-save" list. I just pretend I'm the nanny.

A Free Man said...

Ok, won't try and break in to your place the next time I'm in GA.

I'm going to refrain from a liberal rant since you guys sent such nice stuff...

Gypsy said...

If I don't know the number on the caller ID, I don't answer the dang phone. Words to the wise.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Teri - I can't help it, Bee-otch! :)

Arizaphale - We've got the "Do Not Call" registry, too, but it doesn't stop the charities, political organizations, or businesses you already deal with. Grrr.


A Free Man - Thank you, m'dear.

Gypsy - I'm the same way. But, when our friends from Germany call, it show up as "Unknown Name - Unknown Number" - the same as most telemarketers. So, I answer in case it's them. Ugh.

Molly's Mom said...

I love your pseudonyms! Thanks for the giggles...

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Molly's Mom - Glad I could provide them to you!