03 November 2008

Costume Designer Extraordinaire

I'm a big tease, aren't I? I left you on Friday with pictures of a luna moth and a coral snake, informing you that my twins had dressed as said animals for their school Halloween party... and then made you wait for three. whole. days. for pictures of my sweeties wearing said frightening creations.

Well, one was frightening. One was beautiful. And I discovered that it is possible for me to be a Super-mom. As long as I have a Super-nana and a Super-papa, and a shit ton of sweet tea, by my side.

The saga began in August when I received the school schedule and noted that for the Halloween celebration, the kids were supposed to wear costumes representing animals they had learned about up to that point. I began pestering Bubba's and Miss-Miss's teacher two weeks ago and she would breezily tell me that any animal would be fine.

Well no, sweetie. "Any animal" will not be fine. I'm extremely anal-retentive and I don't want my kids dressed as an animal they haven't learned about. This is, after all, supposed to be a learning experience for them and I want them to dress as animals they know about, thankyouverymuch. So, it was with relief and frustration that I opened an e-mail from the school director, two days before the party, listing said animals.

Ahem. The list was as follows: red fox*, black bear, tiger salamander**, screech owl, green tree frog, coral snake, box turtle, luna moth, white-tailed deer, white-lipped forest snail, wild turkey, opossum, red-headed woodpecker, bluegill***, and green anole.


No, seriously. So I picked the two I thought I could create in a couple of hours.


So, how does one create a coral snake costume and a luna moth costume in eight hours? Observe. And feel free to enlarge the photos to fully reveal the smart-ass comments contained within:

Yes, I was smiling. No, I was not happy. I was extremely tired. My fingers were sore. And that bright red shirt coupled with day-glo yellow felt? Sent my corneas on a happy little acid trip. My mom modified Miss-Miss's Tinkerbell wings, muttering the whole time about how her fracking sewing machine could make this job go faster. Well, just rub it in, why don't you?

Someday, I'll be able to tell Bubba that not only did I push him out of my body with great pain and discomfort, but that I also punctured my thumb and left my bloody DNA on his lesson-appropriate school costume. Guilt, baby. It's all about the guilt.

At times, the white, upper-middle class, Republican male will display his antenna in a rare, election-year mating ritual. He will begin cooing softly to his mate Universal Health Care is for pussies! Don't control guns, control Democrats! Tax-breaks for the rich! Vote Republican! in an attempt to propagate his species. Or just to get a little nookie.

And so what did I learn from this last-minute, maniacal attempt at creativity? I learned that my kids looked adorable as a coral snake and a luna moth. I learned that there is no way one woman can get two costumes finished in eight hours; help is most definitely needed. I learned that J-man will be a coral snake in two years at his first Montessori Halloween party. And I learned that the other mothers in my kids' class are lazy-asses who took the easy way out with Wal-Mart costumes that don't match the teacher's list.

Bitter? Maybe. Proud of myself? Yes. Would I do it again? You betcha. Why?

That's why.

*No, not Redd Foxx. Smart ass.
**Isn't it cute?!? Gotta get one...
***Seriously? An ugly-ass brown fish. That is considered a pest by some. And a tasty meal by others. Um, whatever.


HEATHER said...

Aren't they just adorable!!!

Unknown said...

I knew their costumes were going to be magnificent. You and your mom did an amazing job. Kudos to you for putting in the work and making their costumes actually look like the animals they're supposed to represent! I am with you in your disdain for the other parents' utter lack of effort/imagination. Hope your finger heals soon! :o)

A Free Man said...

Nice work! Sewing is a mystery to me, largely due to intentional ignorance, so I'm impressed with someone who can sew a button on a shirt, nevermind a clever Halloween costume!

Molly's Mom said...

Well, color me impressed! My kid wore a borrowed ladybug costume that was really designed for a 2 year old - but you couldn't really tell the difference...I swear...

Expat No. 3699 said...

Your kids are just too cute!

Gypsy said...

Now that surely earns you a Supermom badge. Cute!

sybil law said...

They are so freaking cute!!!
GREAT job on the costumes, Supermom!

Toasty said...

Amazing! I have the sewing skills of a... wait, I have no sewing skills, so I can't even finish that sentence.

kaila said...

You deserve an A+ for effort. Nobody gets creative any more, you have given me faith.

Anonymous said...

SO very impressed!

I'm lucky that my sister is very talented with a sewing machine...and has no kids...and has taken it upon herself to make Sarah a costume each year. Score!

Also lucky that my SIL handed down a ton of little boy costumes that Max loves and can grow into. She made them for her kids who are now 15 and 13.

I just sat back and watched their costumes magically appear this year. Hate me?

Trukindog said...

Your such a GOOD MOMMY!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Other Heather - They are. They absolutely are. But I am biased! :)

Violet - My thumb is as good as new!

A Free Man - Thanks, hon!

Molly's Mom - Hey, that's cool!

Employee No. 3699 - They are. They exude it!

Giggle Pixie - I KNOW! The list was insane!

Gypsy - I think I need to make said badge and start wearing it!

Sybil Law - Thanks, hon!

Toasty - We all have sewing skills. They are just latent in some. :)

Kaila - Thanks, sweetie!

MommyCosm - Naw, I don't hate you. 'Cause I have my mommy! :)

Trukindog - I am, darlin'!

Liz Hill said...

Your kids are so cute!

And i hope that you made Ty-man's knees so weak from exertion that he won't be able to make it to the polling place tomorrow;-)

Not Afraid to Use It said...

Those costumes are just to die for! You kick ass for doing it! You are lucky to have such backers to help out in a pinch. Great memories, dear. Great memories.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Turnbaby - HA! Don't think so. He voted around 9 AM. Sorry!

NATUI - Very awesome memories!

Unknown said...

Abso-friggin-lutely adorable!! You guys did a FANTASTIC job on those costumes!!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Teri - Thanks, hon! You'll have to help next year. ;)