24 November 2008

What Not To Watch When You're Sick


How To Totally Rot Your Brain While Simultaneously Coughing Up Your Lungs

So, there I was, actually taking a sick day! Well, more like a sick afternoon. OK. OK. It was more like a sick-fiver. Regardless, I was extremely lucky that my Betty-in-law came by Friday afternoon to run kid-interference while I parked my viral plague on the upstairs couch with some HBO.

First, there was Norbit*. OK, that? Was a scary movie. Eddie Murphy in a morbidly-obese suit, in drag, playing an evil woman named Rasputia. And? In Asian white-face as Mr. W(r)ong. Wow. Coupled with the Mucinex-D, this was one, two-hour trip I would rather forget. Eddie, Eddie, what have you done for me lately? I can't keep renting Raw and Beverly Hills Cop! You need to do something worthwhile! PLEASE! I'm begging you!

Continuing with the "men in large drag" theme, I watched/napped through Hairspray, starring John Travolta doing his Grease thing in dresses and 30 extra pounds of rubber, Zac Efron doing his High School Musical 1-3 thing with an Elvis Presley hair style, and Michelle Pfeiffer doing her Grease 2 thing with crow's feet.

I rounded out the evening with "Eleven Men in Disguises" - a.k.a. Ocean's Thirteen. Saw Ocean's Eleven. Loved it. Worshiped it. Brad Pitt? Eating food in nearly every scene? Pure. Genius. Never saw Ocean's Twelve. Heard it sucked. Thirteen? Meh. Don Cheadle in an Evel Knievel suit was pretty damned funny. Matt Damon wearing a
Cyrano de Bergerac-esque nose was quite comical. And Brad Pitt wearing, well, anything and everything, was heavenly. But overall? Meh.

So, my recommendation to all of you, dear readers, is that if you find yourself hacking and snotting in the days to come, it's better to go ahead and pre-rent the James Bond section of your local Blockbuster and spend a fun, fever-filled, 24 hours with Sean, George, Roger, Timothy, Pierce, and Daniel.


*Hey! Back off! I was sick!


A Free Man said...

Christ, way to make yourself feel worse!

Anonymous said...

Um, are you sure that you weren't just hallucinating while on cold medicine? That TV lineup sounds like a really bad trip.

Hope you feel better soon. It lingered for 3 weeks for me. 3 LOOOONG weeks. The cool part is that I went down a pant size from not eating.

Gypsy said...

And I don't even need to go to Blockbuster -- I have them all on DVD already. Oh, James.

Jackie S. Quire said...

I would also suggest NOT watching Bones or House. Both are favourite shows of mine, but the first makes you want to die because the corpses look the way you feel, and the second makes you want to die by showing you people dying.

Not gooood.

Anonymous said...

Sorry, the only Bond for me is Sean. *sigh*

And sorry to hear you didn't have some better entertainment during your craptastic plague day!!

Hope you're feeling better now!

Expat No. 3699 said...

I had a sick day about a week ago and also watched Hairspray. What a waste of time.

Trukindog said...

Sooooooo are you the president of the Brad Pitt Stalkers Club or what & have you discussed this with your Shrink ? :)

Not Afraid to Use It said...

How can there not have been one good sci-fi show on all those channels? Yikes! I'm sorry you had to suffer through all of that.

Anonymous said...

There are certain movies that are only watched when we are sick.

The Princess Bride
Starship Troopers
Original Willy Wonka
Evil Dead

It just happened by accident. They are like chicken soup for us. A dark room, warm blankets, and a movie...

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Melissa - Thanks, hon. Dang! Pneumonia at a WellStar hospital. Lucky you!

A Free Man - You said it, brother!

MommyCosm - I totally could have been hallucinating. You never know!

Avitable - It actually wasn't bad. I think I'll skip Ocean's Twelve, though.

Gypsy - HA!

Jackie S. Quire - Ish. I'll steer clear. Thanks for the head-up!

Giggle Pixie - Sean is the man. But, I don't know. Daniel is catching up, I think!

Employee No. 3699 - Wow. Same wavelength, woman!

Trukindog - HA! Nope. Haven't discussed this with her. That or my unnatural, freakish obsession with Sean Connery.

NATUI - No doubt! Sci-Fi had really crappy stuff on that day.

MetalMom - Evil Dead! Awesome!