09 February 2009

CMG's Mustache

There is one extremely embarrassing moment in any marriage that cannot be avoided. A defining millisecond that makes you just want to curl up in your ratty, coffee-stained terry cloth robe, under your bedsheets that haven't been changed in three weeks, behind your well-worn copy of Dune and never come out.

Nope. It's not when you fart in front of your husband.

Nope. It's not when he walks in while you're making your I need more fiber! face.

And nope. It's not even when he walks in while you're changing out your chartreuse flamethrower*.

It's when he breezes through the bathroom and spots the bleach/hair remover cream on your upper lip.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that was the moment yesterday when I wanted desperately to crawl into a hole and die. To admit that I have unwanted facial hair and that I have to deal with it on a regular basis is a conversation I have avoided for almost 21 years. And to "get caught in the act" by the Ty-man? Oy.

In order to avoid any future embarrassment, I have decided to just damn the torpedoes, damn the secrets, and damn that Sally Hansen bitch to Hell and grow myself some honest-to-Tom Selleck upper lip pubes.

I'm trying to decide on my new look. What do you think?

I could just let it grow however it wants to grow:

Get something a bit more manicured:

Then there's the whole handlebar thing:

And let's not forget the classic 20th century European dictator look which may get me on Avitable's masthead:

And speaking of Adam:

What do you guys think?

*Berkeley Breathed? Bloom County? Opus and the gang? Never mind.


Unknown said...

That's funny, I also started to get a mustache after my 37th b-day.

Seriously, what you have now is fine, don't change.

That One said...

I feel ya, sistah!

I've got a ladystache developing over here that I'm gonna have to deal with REAL soon.

RiverPoet said...

I guess there's something really good about having been a blond-haired child. The hair on my arms and facial area is pale, pale, pale. But every now and then, I feel a giant hair that has sprouted overnight from under my chin. The first time that happened, hubby and I were standing outside and he said, "Oh, let me get that dog hair that's hanging on you...uh...it's attached."

I could have died. So I feel for you!

Will there be a new blog? CMG's Mustache? ;-)

Peace - D

sybil law said...

I am partial to the handlebars, myself. or maybe the Tom Selleck.

Trukindog said...

I can't help but wonder if Ty man has facial hair cause that could be like teenagers with braces if y'all get tangled up in a passionate kiss OUCH!

Michael from dadcation.com said...

Um, bad idea. It looks okay on Avitable, but not so much on you.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

To me, that's just a sign of true love. Sounds like you got yourself a keeper there.

Anonymous said...

I would go for any one but the Dirty Sanchez mustache myself. lol

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

LeSombre - Thanks, hon. Thankfully, if I chose to not maintain it, you would look at me and think Wow. The lighting in here is bad. Either that or her upper lip has dirt on it. I just obsess.

Tuli - I've got some hair removal cream I'll loan you! :)

RiverPoet - I was blonde. Then I hit the teenage years and it all went downhill from there. :)

Sybil Law - Seriously. Wouldn't a Tom Selleck mustache be awesome? :)

Trukindog - HA! That is a distinct possibility.

Father Muskrat - Yeah. I thought as much.

NATUI - He is a keeper. I mean, heck, he watched a human being (three, in fact!) come out of my vagina. He really must love me!

Giggle Pixie - HA!

Anonymous said...

Ah, you got your man. Time to let yourself go. LOL

MtnAngelWV said...

Wait until you hit menopause, CMG!! After I started going through menopause I developed so much hair that I swear if I let it grow I could rival Abe Lincoln!

Molly's Mom said...

Uh...yeah. I'm getting mine taken care of tomorrow at my local salon. If I had the extra money, I'd SO be getting laser hair removal!

Patois42 said...

I'm thinking the natural look is best.

Anonymous said...


I like the handlebar one. It's a keeper.

A Free Man said...

I don't know nothin' about no lady mustaches, but I do know a thing or two about Bloom County - best comic strip ever!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

MetalMom - HA! I should!

MtnAngelWV - Oh, Lord. Don't remind me!

Molly's Mom - I don't think I could handle the wax thing. Ouch!

Patois - Me, too.

Ashlie - It is pretty special!

A Free Man - It certainly was!

Anonymous said...

I've always wondered how I'd handle this if I ever get married. I can only hope that I keep it a secret as long as you have!
I like the handle bar look, btw. It's very Val Kilmer in Tombstone.

Gypsy said...

The shame!!!!!!!!