17 August 2009

I'm a Big Prude

So. OK. Here goes...

I'm a big, fat, gigantic, colossal prude. A goody-goody. I'm totally vanilla in my sexual tastes. Seriously. I've only ever had sex of any kind with the Ty-man and I'm not big into going outside basic sexual boundaries. We don't use toys, we aren't terribly experimental, and we don't go hog-wild in the sex game. Let's face it, I'm boring in the bedroom and I'm obviously not getting any better. And you know what they say about marriages. You're with the same person for the rest of your life and that means you've got to keep it interesting or lose interest. And lately? After 14 years of marriage? I realize I'm really not making this interesting for the Ty-man or myself. I've realized that it's time to step it up, but I'm taking baby steps, here. No swings hanging from the ceiling.


Said baby steps have come in the form of Drew with Eden Fantasys. Yep. Eden Fantasys is an on-line store for all your sexual needs. And I met Drew at BlogHer. And he told me he had read this here blog and liked it (Me?!? You've read my wacky shit? And you didn't run away? Wow.). And he said he wanted me to become a product reviewer for them.

Me. Princess Prude. Doing product reviews for an on-line sex store. And Eden Fantasys is a really nice on-line sex store as opposed those sex stores we've all ventured into. You know the ones. Some sleazy 24-hour shop that hasn't been cleaned in years, with marijuana pipes in the glass cases in the front and some weird, quiet guy in the back looking at all the "HOT ANAL SEX WITH LADIES WITH BIG JUGS!" videos who then quickly scurries over to the "COUPLES" section when he sees you see him. Meanwhile, you notice those curtained-off areas in the back faintly smelling of Windex and God-knows-what-else, all while you're wondering Will that piƱa colada massage oil make me gag? Then, the creepy guy behind the register offers you a free cock ring with the purchase of your bachelorette party massage oils and all you want to do is shove said ring up his nose and run like hell. Yeah. Seriously. Eden Fantasys is nothing like those places. Go check them out. Now. I'll wait.

Isn't it nice? Pretty pink vibrators! Seriously! Don't you just want to buy one for your mom, mom-in-law, grandmothers, and all your aunts? I mean, they're just so... pretty! They could be pieces of art on the coffee table, for cripes sake. And look at this! It's the SaSi. It's purple! It matches my blog and my kitchen. OMG!

So, what I'm trying to tell you is that, for the first time ever on this blog, I will be doing reviews for products related to the most basic of human functions. Come on. We all need sex, it's what makes the world go 'round, it's why we exist. We are all sexual beings, no matter how repressed we may or may not be. So for now, I'm keeping my reviews to the book/couples section, products that will hopefully help Ty-man and I in our sex lives, products that may help all of you with your sex lives. Maybe, hopefully, these products will take my sexual proclivities from vanilla to vanilla with chocolate sprinkles.

I'll have my first review up in a couple of days!
Don't forget to check out Friday's post and answer the Star Wars trivia questions to win a Georgia swag bag in honor of my second blogiversary! Get your comments in by 11:59 PM tonight and I'll let you know who the winner is tomorrow!


jayna said...

You have a purple kitchen?!?

I'm intrigued by this one . . .


Irrational Dad said...

I expect your first post to go something like. OMGGGGGGGGGGGgggggzzzzzZZZZ!!! What have I been missing?!?!?!? No time to write, be back later. Note to self: Buy lots of gatorade.

Anonymous said...

While not a prude, I'd never used a vibrator until June of this year so uh, I get that part at least. :)

Ashlie- Mommycosm said...

Well, this should be interesting - lol!

Um, have fun with your review, sweetie.

Unknown said...

I think I'm blushing a little. And i think that's all i want to say, for the moment.

Miss Britt said...

Um, I am going to guess you are so NOT a prude.

The lack of toys does not a prude make, sister.

hello haha narf said...

i'm so happy for you, expanding your horizons and that. next thing you know there will be bananas and gorilla masks and swinging from the chandeliers. yeeeeeeeeeehaw!

(have fun!)

Anonymous said...

Does he really want you to be a product reviewer, or just a product promoter? I mean, if you don't care for a product, would it be okay for you to post a negative review, and thereby discourage others from buying it?

I'm not saying it would be bad if that were the case; I'm just saying that, if it hasn't already been spelled out for you, you should make sure you understand whether your expected to honestly review products, or mostly to promote them. 'Cause you do have a tendency to be bluntly honest.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Jayna - The wallpaper looks like a stucco with grapevines and grapes. It's pretty. If you like purple. :)

Joe - Hee hee!

Hilly - Still have never used one and don't know if I ever will. We'll see.

MommyCosm - Thanks, hon!

LceeL - I totally understand!

Britt - Oh, I know that. But there's more than toys to it. There's other stuff that I won't go into in the comments. :)

Hello Haha Narf - BWHA-HA-HA-HA!!! Gorilla masks and swinging. :) You're too funny!

Anonymous - Nope. Product reviewer. Drew stated that I need to be honest and I'll be honest but I promise not to be nasty. The book I'm reviewing has good parts and parts I didn't enjoy so much. But, that's me. That's my take on it. Some other person could read it and get a whole different view.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

Duuuuuude. And you thought you got hate mail after the alcohol-related posts from your trip? I cannot wait to read these posts and comments.

Lynda said...

You know, I'm kind of a prude too. But my ex only really liked sex two ways and I got bored with it. I think it was our 2nd or 3rd year of our 14 year marriage that I started complaining.

Now that I'm divorced, I've bought a couple of items. They probably match your kitchen. So, I say, way to go! Good luck with the reviewing. Hope you get the stuff for free! LOL!

Narcoleptic said...

Huh. This is cool.
Are you going to post a link here?

Gypsy said...

Yay! I love Eden Fantasys. Can't wait for your first review.

Avitable said...

I am looking forward to your unique perspective on the world of sex toys!

Patois42 said...

Waiting with baited breath. In fact, I'm fogging up the computer screen.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

NATUI - Oh, it's going to be awesome. And so will the search terms getting people here. :)

Lynda - Yeah, I definitely need to spice up the sex tastes. We'll see what I accomplish!

Narcoleptic - Yep. There will be links all over it, girl!

Gypsy - Thanks, hon!

Avitable - Unique it will be. :)

Patois - Get some Windex, girl!