Happy Dish Towel Day!

So, I'm a little late on this one, but I was looking for ideas and this one hit me smack in the face.

Easter is now the official dish towel-giving holiday.

You didn't know this? Well, I've known it for two years. How out-of-the-loop do you feel now? Sheesh.

I'm insulin-resistant and should not be consuming sugars or simple carbohydrates of any kind (notice I said "should" - at times, like my birthday, it's hard to follow that rule). Because of this, my family knows to limit the giving of sweets to me and mine.

Except for Easter.

My mother (Hi, mom! I love you! *Smooch!* *Hug!*), my sweet, sweet, mother, gave me two dish towels last year for Easter.

Ty-man? Well, she gave him a gigantic/titanic/olympic-sized Easter basket full of chocolate-y Easter goodness.

Humph.

This year? In comes the basket, again for Ty-man, and me? A gift bag.

I joked, "Gee, Mom! More dish towels?"

She was immediately sheepish.

I? Was right. Observe:



And that whole insulin-resistance? Well, my sweet-tooth has been rejoicing while my pancreas is screaming. I just hope this is gone by the time I get back...

Happy Spring Renewal/Fertility Day!

GAD! I love all these Christian holidays that are based on pagan celebrations. Especially Easter, with quickly-multiplying bunnies as the perfect symbol of fertility, eggs (for Pete's sake), and candy.

Wait. Candy?

Wow. That's right. Cadbury eggs. Jelly beans. Chocolate bunnies. Reese's peanut butter eggs. And... and....

OK. So Easter's pretty cool after all.

Enjoy the following sweet video. Perfect considering the holiday.

Hoppy Easter!


Writer's note: Ty-man watched the above video and said, "That pit bull is just giving those chicks a taste before he eats them."

Cynic.

Easter Bunny - Shipped First Class

So, I'm over at the local UPS store, shipping a birthday gift to my step-niece, and I hear the story of the week.

Turns out I had just missed a guy trying to ship a live bunny, to his son living in California, for Easter.

Yes, you read me right. He wanted to ship a live bunny, via UPS, to his kid in California.

Now, when I go to the UPS site, this is the map I get when I type in my Georgia zip code:

(Seriously, that's the map that came up. Bunnies, routes, and all. You didn't see this map? Loser.)

So, if this kid lives in northern California, the bunny's going to be boxed up for four days. Southern Cali? Five days. And some serious po-dunk, in the sticks area just next to Arizona? Well, if the kid lives there, that bunny is soooooo screwed.

I mean, did he at least bring a box with holes? Was he going to try to put a "This End Up" sticker on the box so that the bunny's water bowl wouldn't get tipped over? Maybe he could put the water in one of those car mugs that can sit on the dash and not spill. Yeah, that's it.

And what about the bunny poo? I mean, even if little Peter Rabbit is only signed up for a four-day trek, that box is going to be pretty stinky. Maybe he was going to have the bunny shipped to a pet-care facility where bunny could get a wash and set before meeting his new human.

Seriously. Ship a bunny? From the UPS store? Obviously, this divorcée was trying to score points with his son, now living on the other side of the country. Can't be there? Send the kid a real, live Easter Bunny, all his own. He'd be the talk of the school, telling everyone how is very cool Dad had sent him the Easter Bunny.

Or, Dad could just be wanting to punish Mom with a never-ending supply of rabbit poo. Yeah, that's it.

Writer's note: Ty-man just couldn't let this rest. He wanted to know if Bunny could get there overnight, through UPS. Basically, Bunny would get to Cali at 8:30AM local, tomorrow (11:30AM EDT) which means almost 23 hours boxed up. Next Day Air for a 10 pound box (we're guess-timating bunny/water bowl/food dish/poo/box weight) is $131.89.

Course, he could Delta Dash it on the next available flight. Did I mention the Ty-man is a bigger geek than me?

OK, now? Ty-man is researching rabbit breeders who place said rabbits on planes (with their own little rabbit plane tickets) to be sent to their new owners. Ty-man and I have finally determined that divorced dad is just a lazy m-f-er who did absolutely no research into this idea and is just a half-baked idiot who wanted to put a bunny in a box, fill it full of Styrofoam peanuts, and hope for the best. When, in fact, the kid was going to open up his Easter surprise and find a gooey, gelatinous mess that would haunt him for years to come and require hundreds of thousands of dollars in therapy and hypnotic past-lives regressions. Seriously.