Our cousin J turned 15 yesterday. And yesterday, she took the test for her learner's permit. She was worried about passing, but she's a smart girl and I didn't think she would have any problems. Plus? That whole smart thing? Comes with a load of common sense meaning this is one 15-year-old who won't be a menace on the road.
But, just to be sure, I thought I would present a few extra-helpful rules for her to live by when she is "on the road again." So, without further ado, I give you:
Coal Miner's Granddaughter's Common Sense Rules for Driving Safe!
1. On a normal day, feel free to drive at least 10 miles over the posted speed limit. Otherwise, you may become a highway pancake. When you're PMS-ing? Drive 20 miles over the limit. You're allowed.
2. Stop signs and red lights are optional at 4AM. When no one is around. And you reeeeeaaaaally have to pee.
3. Feel free to make right turns at red lights, unless otherwise noted with signage. Unless you're a rich bimbo, driving a
Mercedes SLR McLaren Roadster, talking on your cell phone, and flashing your five carat Tiffany's diamond while simultaneously taking a drag off your Virginia Slim. Then? By all means, the signage does not apply to you.
You may turn on red while the rest of us wait.
4. Mail trucks, schmail trucks. Run those f'ers off the road!
5. If a police officer has pulled someone over onto the shoulder, and has the lights blazing on his cruiser,
DON'T SLOW DOWN! It's not a "grass is greener" situation. He's not going to abandon his current citation-writing to chase down your "85 in a 65" butt. He's already committed. Maintain your current speed and direction, please.
6. Rubberneck at an accident on the opposite side of the road and I
will have to ram you.
So, what say all of you? Have any helpful tips for Cousin J? Leave them in the comments and I'll pass them along to her.
