I'm ready to kill. Seriously. Physical pain can be a cause of serial murder. Especially extreme pain in the female mammary glands. I wonder how many women have killed while having their period or while weaning a baby off the you-know-whats. Why not just use the "b" word? Because then some sicko performing a pornographic Google search of some sort will find my site and click on the link thinking he's in for some great nudity and instead find an entry regarding a murderous, engorged mommy blogger.
See, J-man nursed for the last time on Saturday morning. Yesterday (Sunday) dawned and I felt fine. But, as the day progressed, the twins (and I'm not talkin' about Bubba and Miss-Miss) began to itch. Literally. You know how a cut that is healing will itch. Same concept. The udders are filling up with milk that's not being used, causing my non-nursing A-cups, nursing solid B- somewhat C-cups, to become very large, painful D-cups. Lots of uncomfortable skin-stretching going on. Yeah, today has dawned and I'm breaking out the 6-month-old postpartum prescription pain killers.
Today was J-man's second attempt at eating watery rice cereal. Of course, he's not sitting up all that well, so I lounge him in his baby papa-san on top of the kitchen table. Where does this put his piston-like legs and feet? That's right, in perfect position to kick the bejeezus out of my horribly engorged ta-tas. Joy. After getting the snot kicked out of me, Ty-man arrived in the kitchen to say good-morning. My response? "I HATE TEACHING BABIES HOW TO EAT SOLID FOOD!" Then, I promptly stomped upstairs to finish off J-man with a bottle.
Later, when I had calmed down, I explained to Ty-man what had happened and told him it was the equivalent of putting the papa-san at groin level and seeing how long he could feed J-man in that position. Understanding dawned on his face.
Later, after lunch, I herded Miss-Miss and Bubba upstairs to begin their naps. As I lifted Miss-Miss to put her in her crib, she inadvertently kneed me in the left hooter and the wind was promptly knocked out of me. I couldn't even move. I somehow managed to get her in her bed (without chucking her out the window), mumbled a "Have a good nap!" and backed out the door, into the hall where I promptly fell to the floor and whimpered.
When this 800mg Motrin wears off, I'm takin' an oxycodone... and a Cosmo. Wake me up when it's 2023 and they start college!