14 March 2008

Bite Me!

Aw, isn't he just the cutest?! Look at that sweet little face! I just want to kiss that cute little face! I'll bet you're just the cutest little bugger around! Your parents are just so lucky! Oh, my! I could just take you home with me! I could just eat you up! Are you the sweetest little pookie? Yes. You. Are!

OK, you know what? All of you can kiss my ass. Because that "cute" little boy? Right there? That "sweet" little puff-n-stuff? That, my friends...

... is a flesh-eating zombie.

That's not a cute little 10-month-old baby. Make no mistake - that right there is something from a horror movie, a member of the undead, walking the Earth, craving living flesh! Because that little bundle of "joy?" Is also sprouting two more teeth.

And when he's not crying or fussing because of the pain associated with cutting said teeth? He's trying to bite hunks out of me. The Ty-man. Miss-Miss. Bubba. The cats.

Just yesterday, he had himself a hunk of Mama knee with a side of Miss-Miss big toe. And after dinner, he treated himself to "Mama hand à la French fry salt." And he'll gnaw on anyone else who happens to come over for a visit.

Yeah. Enough with the cute, baby-talk crap already. Kid's a psycho, flesh-eating, killer. And he craves brains. I'm sure of it.

14 comments:

Fantastagirl said...

The poor little guy - with a face like that how can you not love him up?

Baby Oragel (sp) worked wonders on Tink and Pan - maybe it would work for him.

Avitable said...

Does he have a Wookiee shirt on?

Just A Girl said...

Trust me - Let them eat the brain now. Once they turn into a Hannah Montana watching, hormone fueled preteen you'll wish you had no cognitive brain function.

Ok, Where Was I? said...

What a totally adorable cutie! And I hate to say it, but I had the same reaction as Avitable--what does his shirt say?

Betsey Booms said...

You just described a day in my house and my almost 10-month old has the same toy that he stands there like that with, looking cute and not at all evil.

When in fact.

He?

Is evil.

Gypsy said...

That sounds like my dog. I swear there's not an insult in that comment. One of our dogs is a gigantic 8-month-old, 80 lb puppy and he's going through a biting phase. It's not in any way fun.

HEATHER said...

Won't he gnaw on those Zwieback crackers? Or any other kind of teething implements?

Military Mom said...

Sounds like lots O fun over there. But I been there, and it gets better soon. Maybe you should introduce him to Jonathan, and they can sit around and think of who to bite next!

Momma said...

Ooh, and when they are new teeth like that? They are serrated!

Take care and wear your armor!

Peace - D

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Fantastagirl - I do try to dose him up with that and Motrin. Seems to help... sometimes.

Avitable - Yes. It's Chewbacca and it says, "Change Me - I Smell Like a Wookie." Hee hee!

Just a Girl - Dude, you're scaring me!

OK, Where Was I? - See above...

Betsey - I completely agree. Evil incarnate.

Gypsy - No, no insult taken. I think dogs and babies aren't too far off the gene pool from one another.

Other Heather - Yeah, for just a few minutes. Then? He gets bored and it's time for body parts!

Military Mom - Ha!

Momma - Yeah, I've got a nice set of chain mail...

highlander1463 said...

I used to grab my son when he was little and tell him I was going to eat his brains. After a while I would just say, "let me eat your brains Sean", and he would lean his head to me and I would nibble on his forehead.

Aren't they cute at that age? No matter who is eating who's brains?

Andrea said...

I'm so right there with you! To save my flesh and allow my ears a moment of peace, I've been keeping ice in one of those little mesh things that you're supposed to put chunks of fruit and stuff in. I let her carry it around and gnaw on it, getting water everywhere, because it gives me a break.

MommyCosm said...

LOVE the Chewbacca t-shirt. That's awesome.

Good thing he is soooo cute...you might actually allow him to live through this stage;)

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Highlander - Oh, that's awesome! I'll have to do that with my kids.

Andrea - Great idea! I'll have to try that, puddles be damned.

MommyCosm - That t-shirt is courtesy of his Aunt Toni. And? You're right. It is his cuteness that is saving him right now...